This is the one we’ve been waiting for, people: on Monday, March 31, CNBC will air For The Love of Money: The Death of Seth Tobias, a one-hour documentary that will tell the “real” story of the Circle T founder’s death by drowning, with the added value of grainy reenactments, dramatic b-roll, voiceovers and talking heads. I’m so excited I don’t even care that the premise, “How far will people go for the love of money?” is way off base. (For the record, let’s get one thing straight: murder or accidental drowning, ST’s downfall had nothing to do with a love of money. CNBC should man up and give the show it’s proper name: “For the Love of Cock and Coke.” Help me out on this one, Charlie.)
From the preview, which we’ve watched many, many times this morning, here’s what we can expect: an absolutely WASTED Mark Haines offering his 2-cents on the guy, the widow’s 991 call, and shots of the pool where Tobias went down for the dirt nap (it’s not at all as I pictured it all those times I closed my eyes and reflected on that fateful night). From our wildest fantasies, here’s what we’re hoping for: footage of Andrew Ross Sorkin interviewing the management at Cupid’s, the gay club where Tobias’s stripper-boyfriend Tiger worked; a clip of Tiger dancing in a thong (plus the logical extensions: clip of Billy Ash dancing in a thong, clip of Seth Tobias dancing in a thong, clip of Mark Haines dancing in a thong); the recipe for the Ambien-laced pasta alla vodka Filomena Tobias supposedly used to drug her husband; and face time with personal assistant Billy Ash, AKA Mr. Madam the Ft. Lauderdale-based gay pimp (insofar that he is both gay and a pimp) who claims Tobias had a drug and alcohol addiction, and was murdered by his wife. Billy Ash. So. Much. Billy. Ash.
(As an aside: I don’t want to sound snarky about the tragic death of a hedge fund manager (although we could stand to lose a few more — market pruning and all), but the notion of CNBC trying to muster up the gravitas to do this story justice is a rich comic vein. Like the Mouseketeers performing I, Claudius. Anyway, can’t wait for Monday.)
Seth Tobias Preview [CNBC]
CNBC Presents “For the Love of Money: The Death of Seth Tobias” [CNBC]
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I called 991 once, they charged $3 a minute and the girl sounded like a dude. Total ripoff.
a nice one
let’s get this party started, carney – I’m sure you could get your “sponsors” to provide some libations gratis for your loyal readers (right?). make it happen people!
hey, dead horse, you stole that gag from me. Psychically. Somehow.
Or we were both ripped off by the same girl/dude.
Awwwwww crap!! I had plans to watch Ferris Buehler on Monday night. I wonder how CNBC super salami Gasparino will make his way into this piece of shit.
Is a Juicy tracksuit seriously being advertised on this site? Didn’t know Belmar was home to trading floors.
Speaking of which, where’s the DB correspondence with Billy Ash? I miss his bright eyes and warm words.
I got a PedEgg. And I recommend everyone else get one too, changed my life.
Thanks Dealbreaker.
With no investment banking and no response on these comment boards..just what are you IBankers DOING WITH YOUR TIME?
How did Showtime pass on this. A hedge fund manager trolling in gay bars with his wife in tow and she murders him. It’s like a season finale episode of The L Word.
IBankers don’t have time for this crap. The folks here are people who move around the process (spreadsheet jockeys, pitchbook binders, etc.). If its quiet, its because they’re laying low, not wanting anyone to notice how little they have to do.
i think DB should sponsor a special screening for all the faithful readers.
Carney will be out on his long awaited and well deserved vacation, so we can hit his stash of Jamesons. no need to BYOB. Bess in Charge!
I’m a Dude
2:56,
When I’m streaming tunes through my computer from my iPod, my computer keeps locking up. Will you come take a look at it?
And bring me a new mousepad.
Thanks in advance.
It is pretty quiet here. thought i heard someone let one rip on the other end of the trading floor.
3:08 2:56 here. You have the wrong guy. My expertise is of the putting numbers in boxes variety (i.e. analysis). Your problem though is interesting. Where I work you couldn’t stream tunes if you wanted. The system is locked tight.
They dont have time? 3 deals done in Feb?
What are they doing? More pitchbooks to locked doors?
Incredibly quiet here. Small group of guys huddled on one end with the most tech savvy detailing the steps to adequately scrub internet porn off home computers.
It really is that quiet.
Nominate me
any tips?
bess levin you seem like a nice girl (not really) but your prose is unreadable.
your obvious infatuation with the semicolon would make an english teach cry.
for realz.
“…”…;;;;;…,,,”"
@4:06/08– you guys are clearly illiterate retards.
very weird day.
I hope tommorrow isn’t the end of the world, I have plans this weekend.
If the world ends tomorrow, it will hit third world countries the hardest.
-New York Times Headline Writer
@4:11
thank you.
love,
4:06
didn’t say “can’t read”
wrote “unreadable”
big difference. looks you got a big nerve calling people illiterate when you have reading comp issues. lol lighten up francis but i bet it’s francine.
@4:06,
There’s 3 semicolons in the entire piece, you dolt. Quit looking at numbers, and watch some Reading Rainbow.
finally back to the old DB conversations. ppl cursing each other etc. good ole times.
I’m a dude
@ lowly assistant
please refrain from name calling. you’re hurting my feelings.
if you think the above is well written then we’ll just have agree to disagree.
have a nice day!
@4:06/4:45,
I mine fucking coal, and I can form a more coherent sentence than you (even through all this soot on my fingers and eyes). Your parents should be ashamed in their “investment,” and renege on their loans through Yale. You’re embarassing your pedigree.
you all work at Bear, right?? That would explain why you all have nothing better to do.