The Chance Of A Lifetime

Posted by Bess Levin, Mar 05, 2008, 6:47am

fbn hh.htmWe talk shit about Fox Business all the time, implying that they’re all drunken idiotic sluts but it’s the kind of ridicule that points to something deeper and darker, which is that we’re more or less obsessed with FBN. We cannot get enough of them with their gaffes and their pratfalls and their car wrecks and their discount 'hos. We are insatiable wantons for Rupert Murdoch’s business channel. “Love...soft as an easy chair...Love...fresh as the morning air...” does not even begin to describe how we feel. Every time Alexis Glick confuses Apple for Abu Dhabi, or Rebecca Gomez embarrasses herself in front of a bunch of prostitutes or Cody Willard’s breast pops out of his red dress, we want to bite them, but in a good way, like you want to bite a baby’s arm. Gnom gnom gnom. So, uh, anyway. It’s always been our dream to inject a little piece of ourselves in our idols, in the same way that, I don’t know, a Mets fan would want to carve his initials into a seat in Shea Stadium, or a porn enthusiast on the bed post featured in Backdoor Sluts 9. But we never actually thought the opportunity would arise. Until ten minutes ago.

We just learned the cost to buy a 30-second spot on FBN runs from $250-$900, depending on when it airs. That's right, folks-- for only slightly more than the total amount Cody managed at his hedge fund, you can achieve Foxtastic glory for 30 seconds to the delight of 6,300 or so of your closest friends. Here's the rub: While $250 is pequeno dinero, it's about twice Dealbreaker's budget and 3x Blarney's annual take home, so we can't afford both the ad and the production budget. You idiots are going to have to start manning up and doing your part -- I can't do everything around here. You: Make a video and send it to us. We: Pick the best and our publisher will send it to Fox's ad sales team. They: Either a) air it, and earn you a piece of quasi-immortality along such leading FBN lights as Fat Boy Cavuto; or b) shitcan it, and we'll reprint a transcript and audio clip of how Fox, who would blow a goat for a few extra shekels, all of a sudden got all 'integrity' on us. Either way, this shit is about to get heavy.

6Recommend this! 43Comments
Posted in: Fox, Fox Business Is A Joke And I'm Laughing. WITH THEM., The I'm Asking You For A Favor Series

Comments

Posted by Anonymous, Feb 08, 2008 4:54PM

YES!!!

Posted by Becky Boot Fan, Feb 08, 2008 4:55PM

Best. Post. Ever. gnom, gnom, gnom...hilarious.

Posted by watchmen, Feb 08, 2008 4:58PM

Has anybody noticed DB has an envelope symbol under the items for send email......AND IT DOESN'T WORK?

Posted by ksql, Feb 08, 2008 5:04PM

CAT at 80.33 - long time ago.....

Posted by watchmen, Feb 08, 2008 5:06PM

Bess......I notice one of you favorite words is shit. I'd like to see you buy a spot on FBN for 250 to 900 dollars unless it runs midnite til five after midnite. I love all the shit you include in your bits....it only helps we who didn't know anything but CNBC now know there is something better. Now as a WOW customer I have Bloomberg, Fox Business Network and CNBC.....throwing away the latter. As in a favorite country song the words "I used to love her but, it's all over now". Thanks Bess I still love YOU.

Posted by , Feb 08, 2008 5:12PM

Best post in a while....

Posted by chileno, Feb 08, 2008 5:19PM

poco dinero, not pequeno dinero

puhleeze

Posted by Spartan, Feb 08, 2008 5:26PM

Most Asians watch either FNB or Bloomberg esp. the very rich ones

Posted by , Feb 08, 2008 5:28PM

Best. Post. Ever.

Posted by Damien Taylor, Feb 08, 2008 6:31PM

Why not start an online tip jar, and in the commercial at the very end, quickly show the name of every contributor? I'd totally buy a share to be able to say my name was on FBN.

Posted by , Feb 09, 2008 2:22AM

pic is deadlink

Posted by Anal_yst, Feb 09, 2008 5:08PM

gnom gnom gnom HAHAHAHAHA can't stop laughing

Butt for reals, i'll throw down loot, this is far too good of an opportunity to turn down.

Posted by Living the Dream, Feb 09, 2008 7:09PM

If Bess would be the spokeswoman for DB, I'd plunk down a benjamin or two. Another idea is to cross-promote DB with Thad/CajunBoy. The trifecta of obsurdity (DB, Thad, FBN) would be worth every penny.

Posted by Anonymous, Feb 10, 2008 1:50AM

Fox Busines News

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbgephMX1ag

Posted by Eric Cartman, Feb 11, 2008 7:31AM

Backdoor Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2!

Posted by guest, Mar 05, 2008 5:42PM

Have you guys mentioned Mexicans yet?

-Fake Lou Dobbs

Posted by guest, Mar 05, 2008 10:34PM

Where's me paypal when I need him? I'd definitely throw down a fiver to help the cause.

BY THE WAY: why only a casual mention of Jenna Lee's dating profile in the comments? This piece deserves much airing and discussion. Like f'r'instance: why would a supercompetent "reporter" like her use a porn name? And also: why does the youtube clip not only disallow comments but even RATINGS?? Man, what a super-fine fitness buff! I'd DEFINITELY not make her go Dutch -- especially since "going Dutch" is typical 17th-century British Netherlands-bashing.

Posted by guest, Mar 06, 2008 7:54AM

Doesn't go Dutch and doesn't swallow

Posted by guest, Mar 06, 2008 10:33AM

Is that baby's arm comment a double entendre? Gnom, gnom, gnom?

Posted by guest, Mar 06, 2008 5:06PM

CNBC IS TOAST - Posted weeks ago elsewhere but very appropriate here.

The Gasbag’s Latest Cheap Shot Attacks BofA

Judge Judy says to Jeffrey Immelt: “Yo Jeffy and da boys. Yous guys listinin? Charles Gasbagarino wants to breaka you legs cause you ain’t got no soap”…..

While this is a humorous mimic of your “on airhead editor”, it is a surprisingly accurate reflection on his linguistic skills, intellectual depth and false sense of his own manhood. His verbal capabilities remind one of Rocky Balboa’s tongue on steroids and his intellectual content is perfectly suited for a Jerry Springer highlight video. His presence on the air appears to be a strange cross between a Dick Tracy character and Michael Corleone’s driver. He is a male chauvinist and a closet homophobe who is likely paranoid about his own sexual inadequacies. Hence, he manifests his false sense of bravado by making a complete ass of himself and mugging his coworkers and guests on the air. Can we get this guy a pinky ring and a gold chain necklace to go with the patent leather shoes? It is increasingly the opinion of a large percentage of your viewing audience that CNBC is deteriorating rapidly. Around the trading floor, we now refer to it as CNBSleezy. Women on Wall Street think that he is the poster-child for birth control.

This guy is a punk from Brooklyn who masquerades as a journalist. His constant cutting-off of others is rude, obnoxious and a reflection on his own insecurities and ignorance. His journalistic feats are a collection of cheap shots at various financial executives and institutions that refuse to have anything to do with him. The consensus in the industry is that his book is full of lies and distortions as a suck up to his whop buddies. He continuously gets into screaming matches with well-informed guests because he refuses to think for one nanosecond before opening his cavernous mouth with an array of misplaced “d’s” and “t’s” as well as “dees” and “doos” that would make a grammarian quiver. This guy is an embarrassment to your broadcast team and to his gender. Does he ever think before he speaks? “We broke dat story! Alls yous guys look at me or I gonna breaka you face. We broke dat story.” Notwithstanding the linguistics, a real professional gentleman needs no such self-promotion.

The catalyst for this narrative is your supposed “news” about BofA the Friday before last. We have continued to watch him endlessly fabricate stories and embellish upon information already available through credible analyst sources. He claims to break “news”. We think he does little more than break “wind”. The story about BofA cutting certain supplies like hot chocolate, etc was taken entirely out of context. They’re not eliminating hand soap in the rest rooms as stated by this on-airhead. This “story” was little more than a small minded reporter trying to make some harmless cost containment maneuver look excessive. CNBC looked like the fools that they are by even allowing Gasbag to report it. Have you no due diligence function? How many of these ridiculous stories will you air? How about the Bagman’s penis size? We know he has no balls. I’ve seen it scribbled on Ladies Room walls, which are at least as accurate as his sources. Here’s some real news: BofA cut 650 people today. Where was the wind-breaker on that one?

You think that reporting about a guy taking female hormones is a newsworthy business development just because it involved SAC Capital. What’s next? Maybe the Bagman can get a glimpse of Maria’s bra size while sniffing her laundry this week and you can put it on the air as news? While his “news” coverage was an affront to all women, he managed to assault the gay community as well with that one.

This guy is a sleezeball who must hang out in beer joints, pool halls and men’s rooms at night with slimy people trying to get dirt on his targets. What he can’t get away with putting on your air, he sells to his cronies at the NY Post. A “rumor” is neither a story nor is it “news”.

Gasbagarino’s favorite preoccupation is with C, MER and BSC, of which he knows nothing. His batting average in terms of being right on these stocks has been pathetic. He is little more than a journalistic hemorrhoid to these people. How smart are John Thain, Duncan Niederauer, Bob Greifeld, Vikram Pandit, Dick Fuld, Lloyd Blankfein and many others who flatly refuse to have anything to do with this sleezeball. Alan Schwartz take a lesson. He serves no constructive journalistic or business purpose other than to give the false impression that he has some stroke with his Guido brethren. “Yo, Adrienne. Alls yous guys gotta do is wake up and smell the garlic. I tink my boy Tony Soprano must be gettin some of da action on dees twee stocks. I’ll bang dem up soes he can bottom fish dem.” The guy is a journalistic pimp and a hood. Hello….job cuts and smaller bonuses due to subprime….duh….geez, you scooped us all on that one wind-breaker. Not! He recently reported that Merrill had started the process of laying off up to 1,600 people and then leaked it to his cronies at Dealbreaker. This is completely false. For the record, there have been no official layoffs as of this writing. We all expect them throughout the industry but this is not news!

And, of course, we are starting to see his false forecasts of Citi now come to the forefront. Despite weeks over never-ending guesses, he missed the dividend cut, he missed the write-off and he missed the lay-off (his forecast was for 35,000 immediately rather than half that through an attrition program). And today he reported the layoffs would be spread out so that they can spread the cost out. Wrong again Einstein; the cost is always booked up front. Schazam. Maybe if he makes more guesses and fabricates more research, he will eventually get one right and then can claim to be a visionary. I swear, I get more precision and satisfaction out of my vibrator. I actually heard this jerk state that firms were looking for more capital so that they could book more losses. Hello Dumbo – that is illegal. Do these CEO’s actually look dumb enough to volunteer for jail? Remember, a chain is only as strong as its weakest link and CNBC’s weakest link is this incredibly annoying marble mouth.

Speaking of my vibrator, it appears as though Gasbag has a masturbation arrangement with the zealots over at the Post. They get each other off by distorting information about the CNBC team. Check out the stories on Erin. It sure looks like the fingerprints of the Bagman are all over this one. I’m sure that Erin, Maria and all the CNBC ladies can relate to this one – Bagman, the panty-sniffing Leaker.

It appears as though CNBSleezy has made a strategic mistake. Reporters are not necessarily financial experts and this surely applies to Gasbag. They are paid to gather information and craft it into a factually based story of value to the reading/listening public. For intellectual light-weights like Gasbag to insert their chauvinistic, moronic opinion about a financial subject for which they have no expertise or formal training is distracting and dilutive. To have an insecure idiot like Bagman participating on panels is the root cause of the never-ending screaming matches which are neither entertaining nor informative. Even the ranting maniac Cramer has some intellectual fortitude. Perhaps you can have Gasbag move in with David Faber with the hope that he will adapt some of the Brain’s mannerisms. As my mother often said, one can only hope.

Let’s have a few New Year’s Resolutions. Please pull the punk from the air or get him some formal financial education, linguistic training and anger management therapy. A little rehab and some sensitivity training probably wouldn’t hurt either….one third of your audience is comprised of women. He might offend fewer of us. In return, we won’t slime CNBC if it does not continue to slime our favorite bank! Happy New Year.

Judge Judy

Posted by guest, Mar 07, 2008 9:00AM

Judge J:

Since you're clipping and pasting a weeks-old post, can you tell us what BAC was trading at when it first appeared?

P.S. For all that, you could toss Charlie, Joe K. and Bob Pisani in a sack destined for the East River and I wouldn't mind. Why doesn't Ron Insana get WAY more air time? I think of him as the anti-Cavuto.

Posted by guest, Mar 07, 2008 2:16PM

commercials on happy hour are much much more

cody is richer than all of you bastards

stop hating

Posted by GinNTonic, Mar 07, 2008 4:46PM

As much as we love to hate FBN, we should give some credit to Rupert. He tried what he did for news by appealing to conservatives and the lowest common denominator. Except conservatives wouldn't sacrifice the brain cells to watch FBN. The lowest common denominator doesn't watch/care about business/finance; The mess we're in is evident of that. You have to give FBN credit for trying.

Posted by guest, Mar 07, 2008 6:15PM

LOL.

The same cooments about FBN are almost the same as when Fox News started. Now look where they are now... #3 in ALL of cable.

Posted by guest, Mar 07, 2008 6:24PM

Judge Judy posted that over a month ago elsewhere. Since then the whole market has tanked - Unfortunately Gasbagarumor has tanked even more. Hey Rocky - go home and fuck Adrien if she'll let you. None of us would touch your slimy ass - that's for sure. In the meantime - RUMORS ARE NOT NEWS. Nice job on Ambac. Once again, you hear a whisper - think it a a RUMOR - and report it as NEWS. You might be the only broadcaster on cable with a batting average lower than Adrien's weight. You are such an embarrassment and have consistently misled everyone - again. YOU and CNBC ought to be criminally prosecuted for market manipulation and then fined by the SEC. This raises a very interesting question. Did CNBC ever check the criminal background of the Bagman before hiring him? Hard to believe that this guy doesn't have a RAP SHEET a mile long.

Posted by guest, Mar 12, 2008 8:50AM

its been a pet dream of mine to "inject a little piece of me" right up bess's ass.

Posted by guest, Mar 12, 2008 8:57AM

"cody is richer than all of you bastards"

Poignant if true.

Thanks very much, but if it's no bother to you I'd like to keep on with the hating.

Posted by guest, Mar 12, 2008 5:13PM

"cody is richer than all of you bastards"

cody spends his 22 hours a day in free time googling his own name, and then posting comments like this to articles that are bashing him! cody, get off of this site, man.

Posted by guest, Mar 12, 2008 8:08PM

Do you mean to suggest that Cody is Judge Judy? Oh man. Too funny. Great post!

Posted by guest, Mar 14, 2008 8:29PM

The Cody bashers are just jeolous of someone that ran a successful telecom hedge fund, hosts a national primetime TV show, teaches classes at an elite university, is a professional writer on the side, and is in a popular rock band.

Posted by guest, Mar 15, 2008 8:31PM

Everyone ripping on Cody, until you start a highly successful hedge fund and then on the side become a famous TV show host, teach college classes, write for pay at the top financial publications, and join a rock band, you haven't earned the right to talk down Cody.

Posted by guest, Mar 18, 2008 10:02AM

Last two posts = cody


fo sho

Posted by guest, Mar 18, 2008 10:07AM

Not necessarily, it might be Cody's mom

Posted by guest, Mar 20, 2008 10:11AM

so... when does the video air?

Posted by guest, Mar 21, 2008 5:18PM

Good afternoon gentlemen and Happy Easter to all. It's me - Judge Judy and, believe you me, I'm not Cody (or his mom). Or as the Gasbagarumor would say - "Listen up yous guys, I'm da judge jewd and if yous calls me the Codster once more time, I'z gonaa breaka you face."

Did all of you hear Erin end an argument on CNBC yesterday by telling people not to "pull a Gasparino"? Thank you Erin.

So the eat your heart out boys, Judge Judy has cooked up a sexy little number for her favorite easter bunny this evening, complete with a pink thong. I will be hiding easter eggs in various key locations for him to find. Mmmmm. Can you feel the love tonight?

Posted by guest, Mar 26, 2008 6:24PM

so judge judy was not me (the orginal commenter on cody's net worth) which hovers just around....more than you have

except bess. she has the golden vagina (worth about 15 mil at today's prices)

Posted by guest, Mar 27, 2008 8:34PM

Cody Willard was one of the top telecom hedge fund managers, one of the top financial writers (with TheStreet.com and Financial Times), and a college professor (at Seton Hall). Now he is host of a highly popular national TV program.

Posted by guest, Mar 28, 2008 1:41PM

@ 8:34,

You're pathetic.

Posted by guest, Mar 30, 2008 7:15PM

@8:34....I turned that FBN Happy Hour show on only once a few weeks back. I thought, "Who is that fucking asshole with the long hair? This show is a waste of time." I turned it the fuck off, and I haven't watched it since. I didn't know his name is Cody until I read some of the postings here.

That guy Cody looks like a dick with ears, except that you can't see his ears because of all that dumbass-looking hair.

That damn show must be Fox's answer to the CNBC Cramer's Comedy Hour.

FBN and CNBC will keep running those shows as long as you clowns keep watching.

Posted by guest, Mar 31, 2008 1:19AM

@ 7:15

No one watches FBN. They only get 6,000 viewers a day and probably even less for the Cody show. I think CNBC gets ratings about 40 times more.

Posted by guest, Apr 04, 2008 4:54PM

http://cody.blogs.foxbusiness.com

yep

Posted by guest, Apr 05, 2008 2:03PM

I might actually watch the cody show if it was just hosted by the chick and they didn't allow cody on it.

Posted by guest, Apr 12, 2008 3:26AM

wow, this is why cody does well, because everyone underestimates him

-j.alt

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