Archive for April 2008

  • 30 Apr 2008 at 5:35 PM

Write-Offs: 04.30.08

$$$ Bear Stearns Sending Redundancy Letters [Reuters via NYT]
$$$ Thain’s plans to go from MER–>GS2 proceeding nicely. [Bloomberg]
$$$ The Five ForcesCircles of Hell [GP]
$$$ Tips On Street Fighting from Yale Fantasist Aleksey Vayner [Gawker]
$$$ Still sticking to our pledge to not make fun of charity but, man, this hurts. [TimSykes]

We’re told that the 150 employees BP just laid off will receive, at a minimum, six months severance.

ABC News reports that Cerberus Capital Management is in talks to invest $200 million for a stake in Blackwater. We originally suspected that this was merely a PR move by Feinberg’s firm to really try and live up to its three-headed dog guarding the gates of hell name but when even Tonton Macoutes-employing Steve Cohen is chastising himself for not coming up with the idea, you have to wonder, perhaps Cerberus is on to something? In related news, the Hebrew Rambo, Daniel Loeb, has been heard shouting, “Whoa, why the hell didn’t I think of this!? Major firearms manufacturers AND the staff to buy them? Total vertical integration and complete dominance in the AR-15/M-16 market with no threat of anti-trust because I’m only dominating one class of firearms! Fuck me, that Feinberg is good.”
As an aside: Iraqi Army to Ditch AK-47s for M-16s []
Hedge Fund in Talks to Buy Blackwater [ABC News]
UPDATE: Or not! Quick DL, now’s your chance! Do it before Steve! Run, Jewboy, run!

CNBC’s Senior Testes-cum-Ovaries Correspondent Charlie Gasparino reports that the Federal Equal Employment Opportunity Commission has closed its investigation of allegations made by a former SAC Capital employee that his superior forced him to take female hormone pills. Junior trader Andrew Tong filed a discrimination lawsuit last year, charging that his boss, Ping Jiang, whose trading philosophy states that men must be more like women, sexually harassed him and made him take estrogen, which supposedly caused strain on Tong’s marriage, and led to him wearing dresses. On Monday EEOC stated that after interviewing dozens of SAC employees, all of which claimed to be wearing tube tops and mini skirts “of our own volition,” that it would not proceed any further. Though Steve Cohen et al are probably pretty pleased with the decision, we hear that Ping is sort of torn– on the one hand, he’s happy that Tong, whose lawsuit continues, has been stripped of a powerful ally. On the other, having been recently tossed aside by the hedge fund for merely not making them any money this year, he’d loved to see those “sexist pigs” fry. If he has go down with them, so be it.
EEOC Closes SAC Capital Female Sex Hormone Case [CNBC]

  • 30 Apr 2008 at 2:58 PM

Fed Cuts 25 Basis Points: UPDATE

My darlings, you are in for a treat. I just got off the phone with Carney, who called moments after the Fed’s 25 basis point cut announcement. Now, we won’t be forced to slog through a piss poor attempt on my part to replicate the post-decision congratulatory remarks we’ve all come to know, love and expect from our fearless leader. Instead, please find a statement from the thoroughbred’s mouth, which I lovingly transcribed, after the jump.

Read more »

Home prices in the Hamptons, where rich and famous New Yorkers spend summers by the sea, fell in the first quarter as Wall Street job cuts and an economic slowdown took a toll on buyers.
The median price declined 7.1 percent to $882,500 and the number of sales dipped 29 percent from the last three months of 2007, according to a survey by appraisal firm Miller Samuel Inc. for New York-based Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate. Part- time Hamptons residents include Lazard Ltd. Chief Executive Officer Bruce Wasserstein and comedian Jerry Seinfeld.

Or you could take the advice of a sub-prime guru I know. Just wait until next year and buy it cheaper still.
Hamptons Home Prices Decline on Wall Street Job Cuts, Economy [Bloomberg]

BP has supposedly relieved about 150 employees (“Front office, some traders included”) of their duties. No word on severance.