• 07 Apr 2008 at 1:00 PM

“We’ll bake that right up for you”

You may have noticed that here at DealBreaker, we like to bring people together. Nothing makes us happier than to help two lonely analysts find romance. We usually make our matches based on perceived chemistry among strangers we can’t even vouch for in the comments section*, though occasionally we’ll receive an email from Tom Hudson requesting his weekly ration of skanky poon, and send Rhonda Blarney his way. Today we were forwarded a desperate plea love in the form of a Craigslist Missed Connection. There’s no name attached, but it is obviously from Jimmy Cayne.
*And hope no one ends up in a body bag.

best of craigslist > ann arbor > To The Stoner Who Works At Cottage Inn Pizza
Date: 2007-09-18, 11:30AM EDT
You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza
Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd
I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.
When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.
Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.
We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We’ll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.
It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

As everyone knows, Jimmy Cayne plays in the North American Bridge Championship in Detroit each year in March. What you may not know, is that J-Cay also devotes a week each month to performing a dry-run of the tournament, and stays in Ann Arbor, to the amusement of the U of M students who are amused by the sight of an old hippie playing a game of Naked 3-card Monte and staring at Magic Eye posters in their common room. This last September was no exception. What went unnoticed at the time, however, were the sparks that flew when JC placed a call for some pizza. Though it’s not an unusual occurrence for him to get high and order food (at the expense of BSC shareholders), it’s rare for J-Cay to think beyond the munchies, and feel the stirring desire to want to fuck the guy who prepared his snacks. Stoner who works at Cottage Inn Pizza—I don’t know if you read DealBreaker but if you do, I implore you to get in touch. 203 890 2000. A man’s heart is on the line.

13 comments (hidden for your protection)
Show all comments ↓

Comments (13)

  1. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 1:06 PM

    HOT

  2. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 1:10 PM

    Bess, funny material. I think you left out the “I” in the following sentence: “… after a 20 second pause I told you that [I] was hungry …”

  3. Posted by NomadTrader | April 7, 2008 at 1:12 PM

    And now that J-Cay is practically on welfare – well, he needs all the love he can get. So please, Stoner-dude, make the call.

  4. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 1:12 PM

    big daddy cayne was in town for hash bash

  5. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 1:14 PM

    @ guest– um, she didn’t write the craigslist ad?

  6. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 1:19 PM

    @1:14, Excuse him, he’s one of the former BSC traders who is a little dazed and confused after loosing his job because JPM is cutting the BSC program which employed the disabled, as discussed in another thread.

  7. Posted by mrpink | April 7, 2008 at 3:15 PM

    Hook ME up Bess.
    -mrp

  8. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 3:28 PM

    1:19 that is some funny shit. Is there some website out there that pays people to correct grammar on the intranets that I don’t know about?

  9. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 3:34 PM

    Hey, good point, guys, but I can’t check out the original craigslist ad because the site is blocked. NSFW, I guess. I don’t know if craiglist left out the “I” or Bess did when she was copying craigslist. Coulda been craigslist’s error — but wait a minute, shouldn’t db read the copy they’re borrowing and correct typos when they’re noticed? However, it would been more considerate of me if I had mailed the correction in on the db “tips” address, as JC and BL have suggested.
    Anyway, I’m not a former BSC trader being cut for disability. Dazed and confused, yes, possibly.
    I don’t know what functions the disabled provided for BSC, but it’s one of the nicer things I’ve read about BSC that they had this program in the first place. I hope like reconsidering the $2 per share offer, Jamie Dimon reconsiders cutting this program.
    Many disabled people are armed service veterans.

  10. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 3:44 PM

    @ 3:43 we will pay out 0.01 USD for all grammar corrections properly documented and sent to the db “tips” address. Ready…..go.

  11. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 3:56 PM

    @3:44pm. Do you mean me? I’m at 3:34pm.

  12. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 3:59 PM

    Holy shit, @3:44 and @3:56, you two are unbelievable. I know JPM cut the disabled work program at BSC but FIND ANOTHER JOB!

  13. Posted by guest | April 7, 2008 at 4:09 PM

    Yes, 3:56. Good job, check is on the way.