Bear Stearns Employees To Learn If They’re Fired or Fired Soon

Posted by Bess Levin, Apr 07, 2008, 4:49pm

Jamie Dimon: Hey Hugh. So I’ve got all these Bear employees to layoff but I can’t decide when to do it. You had the bright idea to can all the disabled ones so, I thought, maybe you could come up with something?

Hugh J. Sole: Well, obviously you don't want them to get an answer right away.

Jamie Dimon: I don’t?

Hugh J. Sole: No, you don’t know. You want to make it long enough that you've got them sweating, but not so long that they just assum they're done for and go and get other spots, which equals no fun for you. So…how about you do it on tax day? Insult to injury and all that? Plus, thing about this being a government bailout and everything? I mean, the joke plays on so many levels.

Jamie Dimon: That’s good, Hugh. Really good.

Hugh J. Sole: Thanks. Oh wait. Wait. TIME OUT. I just thought of something hilarious. The following week is Administrative Assistant’s day. So what you do is, you do it in two rounds. You fire all the front office guys April 15, and then you do the back office guys the week after, on their own national holiday.

Jamie Dimon: You are a genius, Hugh.

Hugh J. Sole: I know. I even scared myself a little on that last one.

Bear Stearns Employees to Learn Job Status Soon [CNBC]

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Tags: Bear Stearns, JP Morgan Chase

Comments

Posted by guest, Apr 07, 2008 4:54PM

Well done Bess. Well done.

Posted by guest, Apr 07, 2008 5:17PM

That is really annoying. Not only do they have to deal with taxes (if not done yet), but have to go job hunting along with thousands others from their company while the Street is doing layoffs...

Tough times indeed...

Posted by Anal_yst, Apr 07, 2008 5:19PM

killing it today Bess, killing it

Posted by guest, Apr 07, 2008 5:23PM

You got me so excited there, tricking me into thinking it was an article on gay porn. In any case, if any of you boys do want to go that route, I would suggest checking out Corbin Fisher (dot com - look at it from home, not work, you idiots). The boys there look just like all the first and second year analysts you work with: sturdy LAX boys, slim runners, bubble butted swimmers, huge pecced rowers. See what they do for money. They actually look like they're enjoying it. There's a "if you want to be one of our models" link, if any of you are in fact looking to pick up some pin money. My good deed for the day. GAnalYst

Posted by guest, Apr 07, 2008 5:26PM

HOT LIKE FIRE

Posted by guest, Apr 07, 2008 6:03PM

Lotta time for booty banging this summer...with all that severance $ while you dorks pitch for another year...

Same happened in 2001-03, then in '04 when it snapped back, the employed dreggs were all burned out, and the re-hires were charged up from booty banging and ready to rake in 2004-2007.

Spend you freedom well fools.

Posted by guest, Apr 08, 2008 6:08AM

FUCKING SCANDAL! Did you see the press release? JPM appoints two senior guys from Bear fixed income as heads of fixed income at JPM!! These are the motherfuckers who led Bear into this illiquid asset bullshit mess in the first place!! Who got bailed out? Those two fucks, that's who! SCANDAL! All this while $60k-a-year earning operations and middle office people who had NOTHING to do with the whole liquidity mess are waiting to get their pink slips! I say, throw eggs at the damn building and make a statement!

Posted by guest, Apr 08, 2008 10:45AM

While the tone of the above comment is a tad dodgy the idea is on the mark. The guys who dragged BS in to the mess got off with a 'win" and many of the young, new bankers, who have done nothing but just try to start their working lives and want a chance to just prove themselves, will be tiffed out onto the NY streets. These young-uns cost so little - they do not earn the big bucks the big guys who dragged BS in to the mess do- and have so much potential; some even want to do the right thing. Just a mess and it seems JPM does not care so much about these young bankers.

Posted by guest, Apr 08, 2008 1:19PM

these same poor banker dudes would have been the same people writing recommendations to "cut the fat" from a bloated company by any means necessary. It's awful what happened but i have NO ILLUSIONS as to the sort of personalities that work in ibanking or their "charitable" and "giving souls" - they got served what they never thought would happen to them because they were or were supposed to be "masters of the universe" these baby, junior, and senior masters got served....

I still feel bad for those who had their life's investments wiped out though...

Posted by guest, Apr 08, 2008 1:20PM

these same poor banker dudes would have been the same people writing recommendations to "cut the fat" from a bloated company by any means necessary. It's awful what happened but i have NO ILLUSIONS as to the sort of personalities that work in ibanking or their "charitable" and "giving souls" - they got served what they never thought would happen to them because they were or were supposed to be "masters of the universe" these baby, junior, and senior masters got served....

I still feel bad for those who had their life's investments wiped out though...

Posted by guest, Apr 08, 2008 1:22PM

these same poor banker dudes would have been the same people writing recommendations to "cut the fat" from a bloated company by any means necessary. It's awful what happened but i have NO ILLUSIONS as to the sort of personalities that work in ibanking or their "charitable" and "giving souls" - they got served what they never thought would happen to them because they were or were supposed to be "masters of the universe" these baby, junior, and senior masters got served....

I still feel bad for those who had their life's investments wiped out though...

Posted by guest, May 09, 2008 2:54PM

I don't understand this site...is it a joke? As in, is everything a joke? It's not all funny if its supposed to be.

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