ABC News reports that Cerberus Capital Management is in talks to invest $200 million for a stake in Blackwater. We originally suspected that this was merely a PR move by Feinberg's firm to really try and live up to its three-headed dog guarding the gates of hell name but when even Tonton Macoutes-employing Steve Cohen is chastising himself for not coming up with the idea, you have to wonder, perhaps Cerberus is on to something? In related news, the Hebrew Rambo, Daniel Loeb, has been heard shouting, "Whoa, why the hell didn't I think of this!? Major firearms manufacturers AND the staff to buy them? Total vertical integration and complete dominance in the AR-15/M-16 market with no threat of anti-trust because I'm only dominating one class of firearms! Fuck me, that Feinberg is good."
As an aside: Iraqi Army to Ditch AK-47s for M-16s [Military.com]
Hedge Fund in Talks to Buy Blackwater [ABC News]
UPDATE: Or not! Quick DL, now's your chance! Do it before Steve! Run, Jewboy, run!
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 5:00PM
BL is the shiznit
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 5:29PM
It's only a matter of time until Cheney becomes the new honorary Chairman of Cerberus and the plan is complete...
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 5:34PM
Ton-ton Macoute = Haitian secret police during the Duvalier (Papa and Baby Doc) era. Most of them encountered an awful ending when Duvalier fled to France in the '80s and the population took their anger out on them.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 5:37PM
look at the big brain on 5:34 who has yet to grasp the meaning of sarcasm.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 6:02PM
Honestly, where does she get this stuff from? BL is just a kid and yet comes up with references not known to the average Jimmy Carter aged American.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 6:12PM
hey 5:34 -- use wikipedia much?
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 7:26PM
Yeah Fienberg has long gone to train with the Blackwater boys down in North? Carolina. He loves Eric Prince, I guess I assumed they already had invested in blackwater. Real question is why wouldn't you invest in blackwater? Who doesn't want their own secret army? I mean unless you're Carlyle, then you just have GB '41 to call up the CIA to do your bidding for you.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 7:50PM
@7:26
Why do you lefty goofballs still cling to the Michael Moore inspired fiction that Carlyle represents some kind of evil shadow government that runs the world? It's a private equity firm, end of discussion. I know it's tempting to think there is some dark empire that only you and your liberal brethren possess the insight to identify. Perhaps it is an enemy that only you can defeat (with the help of your quirky droid, of course) by targeting the one and only soft spot in its fearsome death star? But the real world isn't that simple. Grow up.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 8:38PM
I usually think Bess is an idiot, but she somehow figured out that the AR-15/M-16 is the same weapons package. Well I still think she is an idiot.
When she learns the diff. between IRR and NPV she can start to write about us...
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 10:13PM
@7:50
That wasn't a leftist comment. I really meant it. If i had my own private equity fund I would invest in black water and invade other countries, or at least set up covert operations and do whatever the fuck else I wanted Lord of War style. I am quite easily that evil. Now if the morons at Carlyle group aren't smart enough to do that themselves, then they're not the men I thought they were and I no longer want to be them.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 10:31PM
5:37 and 6:12, when both you cum-queens stop swapping spit and jerking each other off - I was there and saw what happened to the ton-tons; our expeditionary unit (attached as back up to the DSS in '86) had to pick up the crispy fuckers near the US Embassy in Port-au-Prince after civilians put them inside a couple of truck tires, doused them in gasoline, and watched them burn. You won't find that in Wikipedia cum-quat, go back to playing with your nuts in the tub.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 10:42PM
actually the tire burning thing is pretty common knowledge
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 10:56PM
@8:38 - Funny, the AR-15/M-16 equivalency was the first thing I noticed and the whole reason I bothered reading the post.
Posted by guest , May 01, 2008 12:00AM
8:38-- feel like a big man now, calling someone an idiot on a blog wall? and funny how you say "when she learns...she can write about us"...not sure if you've noticed, but she's already gotten permission, moron.
Posted by guest , May 01, 2008 12:04AM
My God, Bess, how many Rambo-esque Masters of the Universe have you unleashed?
Posted by guest , May 01, 2008 12:07AM
I think 8:38 is an idiot.
Posted by guest , May 01, 2008 12:09AM
newsflash not yet a rocket scientist at 8:38: she already does write about us. are you really that bitter a douche about your own failed writing career that you have to comment anonymously on a message board that some girl is an idiot?
Posted by guest , May 01, 2008 1:36AM
@10:13
Haha! My apologies for underestimating you. I'm glad you don't know my true identity...
Posted by guest , May 16, 2008 7:20PM
@1:36
Haha good one Stephen.F