• 21 Apr 2008 at 5:13 PM

Citi Would Never Do Anything Like This

By Bess Levin

I’ve finally reached my breaking point with the Germans. Other transgressions could be chalked up to a quirky sense of humor befitting a nation obsessed with David Hasselhoff, but this latest one goes beyond “slightly off color,” and Heidi Fleiss Eichman, it just goes too damn far. Deutsche Bank announced via internal memo today that it will no longer be footing the bill for whores, of any kind. Neither the kind you have actual sex with, nor the kind you watch on TV and masturbate to in your hotel room. Though the crackdown is said to be a cost-cutting measure intended to please shareholders and harping analysts alike, it’s apparently incited spiteful rage in Oppenheimer’s Meredith Whitney, who doesn’t even write about the company, but was banking on its employees buying her husband’s herbal supplement, Mamajuana Energy. It seems three-quarters of DB had pre-ordered the berry-flavored liquid (yours for only $4.99!). Who knows what sort of retribution she’s got in store for the Germans, but if the drug is as effective as Mr. and Mrs. Meredith claim, it’ll be pretty difficult to work up that Whitney-brand rage. Given the propensity for lies inherent in both pro-wrestling and financial analysis, however, we’re going to go out on a limb and say Mamajuana is a sham, and Deutsche Bank should watch its back.
Top German bank responds to credit crunch by staff from putting brothels on expenses [Daily Mail via CWS]

Comments (17)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 5:40 PM

    http://dealbreaker.com/community/2008/04/petition-to-get-rid-of-ep-and.php

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 5:45 PM

    The surprising thing to me is they were allowed to expense prostitutes to begin with. Am I naive or does this surprise others?

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 5:49 PM

    Usually I don’t comment on spelling errors – this is afterall a blog, and blogs are witty and fast – but “masterbate”? Please…

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 5:55 PM

    Thanks for fixing that. I thought maybe it was being spelled that way because the act was being carried out by masters of the universe. Which is not the case when I do it (which is often).

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 5:56 PM

    @5:55 and @5:49 here Excellent Bess. You quick and smart. Thats why I love you.

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 5:57 PM

    But I was doing research on RICK and PLA and needed to ‘research’ the market…

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 5:58 PM

    Meine Scheissefilmen! Ich will schnell zu Dresdner gehe! Ackermann ist ein moron!

  8. 8
    Posted by Anal_yst | April 21, 2008 at 6:07 PM

    masterbate, not a german reference? Sigh, i give too much credit…

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 6:13 PM

    I just picture that hotel scene in Reno 911! Miami when thinking about what probably goes on during investment banking conferences… The scene where office Jones goes room and room looking into windows.

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 6:18 PM

    Bess, that’s what you get for typing with on hand.

  11. 11
    Posted by HAM05 | April 21, 2008 at 6:34 PM

    …massages however are not only still allowed, but encouraged.

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 6:59 PM

    guest 618, it would be quite hard to type Mamajuana Energy with one hand. But I’m not sure if you noticed that you spelled it ‘on’ rather than ‘one’ – when you are criticizing her spelling…

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 7:14 PM

    And you 6:59 ‘spelled it’ instead of having ‘spelt it’… yeah grammar nazis…

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 7:26 PM

    Oooooh, Bess! You go girl!!!!!
    The Other Guy From Delaware

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | April 21, 2008 at 8:44 PM

    Eh I thought those Germans knew how to treat their employees. But if this was allowed to expensed I wonder what else was?

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | April 22, 2008 at 5:28 AM

    Dealbreaker. Come for the financial commentary. Stay for the language lessons.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | April 22, 2008 at 9:10 AM

    No wonder my DB quotes have been steep lately!!
    The Forehead Slapper

Leave a comment

You can log in with your account or comment as a guest below.

   or