Listen. When I say $1.2 trillion, I mean $1.2 trillion. Not $400 million. Not $600 million. $1.2 trillion. (Some of our competitors may have been confused because we reported the figure to the BBC as GBP 600 million).

Pay attention, listen and learn. I am paid between $60 and $80 million a year. Do you think that sort of cash comes from being wrong often? Do you think I collect that because I throw a little white ball around? No. I get paid because I am the best Jew at what I do, which, I don't know if you know this, is saying a lot. I am always the best at everything, no matter the contest. Do I allow genetics to get in the way? No. If you look at the wall of plaques on my office, you will see that i am ranked numero uno at not growing hair. Where you might take a disability and be sidelined by it, I take it, turn it on its back and make it work for me.

I hire the best. They work the hardest. And just so you know regarding that whole thing about us getting rid of the free drink bins, I did that because I didn't want our dispensing of free drinks to be construed as welfare. My employees work so hard, and make so much money, it would be insulting to continue offering them free water and soda. Our employees can afford their own drinks and don't expect to have to line up at the drink welfare bin- unlike some other banks I know. Getting the picture yet?

So you don't have to trust me, fuck-stick, just listen to what I am saying. Listen very carefully. This is a financial nuclear bomb. A big one. And if you are very careful, and jump on board right now, we might, I mean just might, be able to save you.

Now you'll have to excuse me. I have grown bored of this discussion and it's time for me to sit in my throne here for a little while. The portrait artist is waiting.

Lloyd Craig Blankfein
Chairman and CEO
Goldman Sachs

Credit Crunch at $1.2 Trillion [BBC News]