Credit Suisse announced this morning that it will be cutting 500 jobs in investment banking and “administrative support” divisions. Spokesman Bruce Corwin claimed the layoffs are due to shrinking client demand, though one might note the “coincidence” between the start of the tortuously long summer lines at the Shake Shack and a sudden reduction in headcount. Luckily, for any interns tasked with spending three quarters of his/her June/July/August waiting to order someone else’s Shroom Burger, we’re told that the cuts are worse than what’s being reported. Supposedly over half the real estate finance group “will be gone before the end of the day,” and there will be “severe carnage” across the entire firm. Severance packages are said to include two months pay, period.
On the bright side, let’s give it up for whoever’s idea it was to break the layoffs news (and the inevitability forthcoming news of blown earnings) on the same day rival Swiss bank UBS came out with a fifty page report detailing in easy bullet-proof form* how it went about systematically destroying value over the last year or so. That was smart. Very smart.
Credit Suisse Says It's Cutting 500 Jobs as Client Demand Wanes [Bloomberg]
*Helpful for anyone interested in following suit but unsure where to start.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:08AM
Administrative support... I hope this means less crowding on the 6 train. Hey, maybe if this recession thing goes far enough, New York's congestion problem will solve itself.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:15AM
Administrative support eh? I understand the compliance management has taken out the trash.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:37AM
The nation is facing an economic downfall and two wars and our President is busy...on Deal or No Deal? That surely inspires confidence. Or not.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:38AM
Sorry to hear it for those who will be losing their jobs. Lousy severance!
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:39AM
Hopefully, they all go back to Iowa or Kansas and live happily......of course, laid off preppy banker chicks will now do anything to stay in NY, so Craigslist erotic ads will blossom....
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:49AM
I'm always amazed at this go-back-to- where-they-grow-corn riff. Truth is those midwestern boys and girls look and sound smarter than youze dopes from Long and Staten Island. Looking and sounding smart is more important than being smart, so my guess is that if any one is going home its going to be the ones taking the ferry or the LIRR.
Posted by mrpink , Apr 22, 2008 10:50AM
Hmm.. I am offering my 'support' to some recently laid off CS males who are in need of some 'tender loving care' after this truly traumatic turn of events today!
Meet me behind the Shake Shack, and bring a vanilla shake with you. I'm hungry.
Buy low, sell high.. I love capitalism!
Thadius, step up for the poor CS ladies who may find themselves unfortunately alone in front of the Shake Shack today :)
-mrp
(this post was a rambling one, I'm still sipping my coffee..)
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:54AM
@10:49AM: Couldn't have said it better myself! I'm a born and bred southerner here in the city, and I'm sick to death of this provincial superiority crap. You either have it or you don't...never forget that bluster = insecurity.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:58AM
Why Kansas? Why Iowa? I've spent years in both places and never noticed any aspiring Wall Streeters dying to come to New York. Somebody has a fixation on those two states.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:59AM
I'm from NY and I've always thought that the midwesterners et al are sort of like any immigrants. They have a little fire in their bellies, having fought hard to be here, that makes them especially competitive and driven. Plus, they lend a refinement that we gruff natives are a little in awe of. So watch yr backs.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 10:59AM
@10.54 - The truth is that you "genius;" are the ones paying the offer on rents and co-ops in shitty neighborhoods. Not too smart, hush puppy boy.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:01AM
@10:59 Don't understand? Where do you live? With yr parents in Great Neck?
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:02AM
Mr. Pink, as always I am more than willing to help all the hot young unemployed CS girls (along with all the other hot unemployed IB and 'administrative support' girls at other firms who are confused and upset by these tragic and unfair events). I am more than willing to lend each of them a hand (or any other body part for that matter) to help them become much happier. Much, much happier. I know, it's a tough job, but somebody needs to help out. I am willing to get behind all these girls as best I can.
Thadius R. Rogers
Financier/Evaluator of Talent
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:05AM
No one in New York can escape the maw of NYC real estate unless (1) they are to the manor born; or (2) they grew up in a rent-stabilized apartment and their parents were kind enough to die.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:13AM
@11.01 - Not at all. But you probably do.
The non-NYers are the ones who embrace Sex in the city, Gossip girl, etc. Plus overpay rent, co-ops etc and think they belong here. Truth is, they all get fired or make enough to buy their "dream" house in some God forsaken suburb or fly-over state and go home. Hopefully, they dont give their wives some disease they caught under the West Side Highway as they were proving how 'NY" they are.
Posted by StupidEquityGuy , Apr 22, 2008 11:13AM
Mr P,
Sir, coffee at an hour like this? You need to open up the Top Drawer and give it a little turbo boost for the morning.
So, what kind of trouble are you into today? The Worlds Smallest GS Institutional account is happy at the moment...
Best,
~SEG
Long Commodity's and Short Financial's...
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:16AM
Hate to address it in the termination forum, but it's almost the time of year to begin tossing out the bonus bumper #'s.
Any squawks to date?
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:20AM
Yes, I'm sure that all of the roughly 49,000 people let go by Wall St. firms this year are from the midwest and they've all migrated back home. The people who relish that thought and work at CS must really be conflicted in that their CEO is from Urbana, IL.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:24AM
@11:13 I see... I'm guessing you're one of the ones that was here in the dark days and happened to latch onto a rent controlled apartment in some shitty nabe that's now passable. You can now afford better but don't want to part with the extra few thousand every month. But everytime you invite a girl over she can't understand why you live so badly. Its not your place so you don't even spring for refrigerator magnets. Its only $600 per month you tell her. Too late though, she lost the urge. No wonder you're bitter.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:28AM
http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/08_17/c4081feedback940441.htm?chan=search
am a 2001 MBA grad who did not get a job until August, 2002 (at a Silicon Valley startup.) My 2008 income will be $220K-$280K. My MBA classmates who went into investment banking are at the $700K level. What I don't understand: If [because of a downturn], someone is forced to work at a [nonfinancial] company after getting an MBA rather than on Wall Street, why couldn't he or she just resume the job search when the economy picks up? Why should they be on a different track for the rest of their lives?
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:32AM
@11.24 Not bitter at all. (And I dont live in a rent controlled place either.) However, your seething anger and bitterness will surely overflow soon. Hopefully, you'll work through it as you plow the corn fields over this year so we can have some fun parties later this year that you won't be able to attend. oh well, I hear Iowa is quite quaint in November.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:43AM
@11:20 - Nice.
Posted by HAM05 , Apr 22, 2008 11:43AM
hey jackass @11:13, nyers love gossip girl as much as our friends south of the mason dixon.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:44AM
Do any of you jerkoffs actually respond to the story being written or just talk about rents and the stupid midwest vs Northeast crap?? Talent is talent, doesnt matter here you are from as long as you can ring the register. Everyone should be concerned right now, economy is going in the crapper, funds and banks are blowing up, this could be disastrous.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:46AM
@11:44 Maybe apartments will finally get cheep.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:49AM
@11:32 Just wondering here. Its been established that 1) you don't live in a rent controlled apartment 2) you dont live with your parents 3) you're not so stupid (like the midwesterners) as to pay market rates, for either a rental or a coop. What does that leave? Do you live in a car or something?
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:51AM
I have selected juries in New York county for many years. Now, when they send in a group of thirty or so potential jurors, I'm lucky to get one or two New Yorkers on a panel. The out of towners are cheap. The finance guys are cheap. The real estate people think they are the only ones who are busy. The dot.com people are above it all. The TV people "know stuff" and make threats to get off. We need a recession to bring these people down to earth.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 11:52AM
@11:44 But our President is on Deal or No Deal! Times are great! High priced oil is good for America! We're winning in Iraq and I'm sure that any day now they'll all want to be our friends.
I think I've been watching Fox News too long.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 12:00PM
@11.49 Not at all. I live happily in the 70s and walk to work.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 12:01PM
@11:51 I agree. Most everyone tries to get out of jury duty. I never have. I think people who skip out on jury duty should be forced to pick up garbage, clean horse stalls, or some such menial task - and *still* have to serve again. I also think that employers who harm employees in any way for going to jury duty should pay very, very stiff fines and the owners have to do these menial tasks as well.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 12:10PM
BofA laid off people yesterday and today.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 12:24PM
I just love these soft HR terms for firings.
Laying off
Size reduction
Revaluation of talent
Strategic redeployment of human capital
Let go
Dismissed
Displaced
Restructured
Reassigned
Dislocated
Instead of:
Fired
Canned
Terminated
Up the sh*tter
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 12:35PM
Any Bear news...7 days later?
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 12:37PM
oh that poor guy from the business week comments, only making $220k to $280k a year.
complaining about your salary when you make more than 95% of the rest of the country. Seriously, STFU.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 1:07PM
@12:37, hey dumass, if buddies from your graduating class are making 3 times as you, then you made some bad choices. Who the fuck cares what the rest of the Country or the rest of the World makes.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 1:14PM
Hi, guest @12:35pm. As far as I can tell, Bear layoffs are proceeding very, very slowly. Place is rife with rumors (as you might imagine) but no one knows for sure what's going on. People are working on projects but going nuts from the pressure.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 1:18PM
it's Dumahhhh
Posted by GinNTonic , Apr 22, 2008 2:02PM
@12:10
it's ongoing from what I hear
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 2:09PM
@1.14 -- what pressure? The odds are the bearites are getting fired anyway, so they need to be taking as much office furniture, drapes etc that they can steal
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 2:22PM
@ 2.09 -- what about the red staplers?
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 2:34PM
Anyone get laid this weekend?
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 3:17PM
1:07pm:
oh sorry. i forgot how expensive the snortables are these days. gott keep up with the joneses!
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 4:43PM
They don't cut jobs from people making 700K, they cut the ones making 70K, this is how they roll.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 6:29PM
Whoever thinks Iowa is quite "quaint" in November needs to get a grip. Iowa is not New England. Iowa doesn't do quaint. Some parts are old-fashioned, some parts are pretty. A lot of Iowa is American Gothic. But mainly, what Iowa is in November is bleak.
Posted by guest , Apr 22, 2008 7:36PM
Layoff coverage this is not
Posted by guest , Apr 23, 2008 1:09AM
Hello, 500 is the official number. If you add the circus from the past few weeks, then its likely to be another few hundred in addition to the 500 announced this morning. My heart goes out to those without a job. It will be one rough wait on the streets...
Posted by guest , Apr 23, 2008 3:03AM
This is not a fucking layoff coverage.
I thought I could get fucking insider gossip on the fucking topic but instead get east vs midwest blah from fucking outsiders that just doesn't fucking interest me when I'm trying to look for a fucking job.
Posted by guest , Apr 23, 2008 7:54AM
As an IB employee in the APAC region who has had to endure several years of arrogance from the U.S. teams about how much smarter they are than the rest of us, I can say that I don't care whether you are from NY or the midwest, you're all a bunch of wankers.
Posted by guest , Apr 23, 2008 9:12AM
I wonder if at 3:03 a.m has woken up yet. Kind of picturing an unshaven person face down on the bed wearing a wife beater shirt with an almost empty bottle of Jack on the nightstand.
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 12:23AM
Hey 7:54, I am looking for a job in IB in Singapore. I'm open to middle office work.
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 8:28AM
Singapore sounds like a great idea - seriously the economy is booming, they are crying out for experienced corporate finance bankers (ie VP's and directors) and GIC Singapore has sunk a whole lots of $ in support of UBS. 9 bil or there abouts...GIC Singapore would not be too happy about UBS laying off bankers in Singapore !!