My darlings, you are in for a treat. I just got off the phone with Carney, who called moments after the Fed's 25 basis point cut announcement. Now, we won't be forced to slog through a piss poor attempt on my part to replicate the post-decision congratulatory remarks we've all come to know, love and expect from our fearless leader. Instead, please find a statement from the thoroughbred's mouth, which I lovingly transcribed, after the jump.

Well, DealBreakers, YOU'VE DONE IT AGAIN! The Fed just announced a quarter point cut. See if you can tell me which financial blog's FREAKING BRILLIANT readers predicted that would happen YESTERDAY (and again this morning)? DealBook's? No. Deal Journal's? No. Portfolio's? No. AndrewRossSorkinsMembersOnlyClub.blogspot.com? WRONG A-GAIN. Silly gooses-- THE ANSWER IS YOU. Yeah, You! You, you little scallywags, you! You, you dirty bitches, you! YOU!!!!!!! DealBreaker's GENIUS readers! DealBreaker's readers/Mensa members which is redundant but I don't care! Mensa members, who, I swear to God, are starting to scare me with their magisterial prognostication! Do you guys read Tarot cards on the side?! Palms? Crystal balls, seeing into the future with the same kind of accuracy you brought to the table today? I AM BESIDE MYSELF! I AM BEAMING WITH PRIDE! I'VE COME FOUR TIMES SINCE I PLACED THIS COLLECT CALL! I HAVE LOST CONTROL OF MY BODILY FUNCTIONS! FECAL MATTER IS RUNNING DOWN BOTH LEGS! PEOPLE ARE STARING AT ME! I AM ABOUT TO BE THROWN IN A THAI PRISON AND I DON'T EVEN CARE! I WILL LIVE OUT MY SENTENCE THINKING ABOUT the fact that MY readers fucking NAILED that shit, even though the market was already priced to an 80% chance of a 25 bps cut! I AM HAVING AN ASTHMA ATTACK! That's how fucking PUMPED I AM! I won't even get into the fact that only 60.9% of you called it!