From Dealbreaker With Love: Hot Sammies For Wall Street, Death To All Ingrates

Posted by Bess Levin, Apr 24, 2008, 5:09pm

Ian Roncoroni—what the hell? Not so much as a thank you email for the Delmonico’s cheese steak we sent you yesterday afternoon? Where’d ya think it came from, the Cheese Steak Fairy? Even though we specifically told the girl on the phone to note that it was “from DealBreaker.com”? Not to put to fine a point on it, but do you know who you're fucking with? DB did something NICE for you. That doesn't happen too often. We are currently taking under advisement whether or not we should destroy your life (see Vayner, Alexey; Cayne, Jimmy; Blarney, Ron; Varney, Lon; Klarney, Don).


Despite the simmering anger we feel toward you, we must acknowledge that tingly good feeling derived from sending roasted animal carcass slathered with processed cheesestuff to a random financial services hack we have never met. To recapture that feeling while we debate the relative merits of fucking you up quick two times, we at DB have decided to send a delicious sandwich to randomly selected analysts/associates/traders/ceos/fund managers of our choosing several times a week starting in May. This serves multiple functions: First, despite our unrelenting mockery, we loves us some fucking Wall Street idiots and want to show how much. Second, we want to measure just how egregious your utter lack of response is, Ronco, relative to your brethren. I bet Carney's annual take home (two large) we get a nice response from everyone who receives the DB largesse, from the mightiest (Stevie) to the meekest (the entire team at Citi). It's on; your fate hangs in the balance, Oyster Boy.

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Tags: good will

Comments

Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 5:23PM

Here's the deal: All traders/analysts/interns/associates hate each other. You send him a nice cheesesteak and then everyone on the desk will use that act of kindness as a way to fuck him later.

"You see that article on Dealbreaker.com about us? Guess who's in tight with them? Yes, Ian got that cheesesteak from them, remember? Like, should we have people working here who talk to people like them??"

Keep quiet, Ian....place a masking tape "X" on a street sign near Dealbreaker offices. That's how you do it and keep your job.

Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 5:31PM

But how about that "yen carry" ????

Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 5:39PM

Don't forget John Fitzgerald Page! He's on Dr. Phil's show on May 7. Don't know it it is this year or last.

http://johnfitzgeraldpage.com/default.aspx


Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 6:07PM

I wonder what Loeb will say when he gets his

Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 6:09PM

Please, please, please send a cheesesteak to that 4'5" guy with the 73 bloomberg screens.

Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 6:29PM

One commenter wrote in some time ago about a boss who fired someone for using a red pen. If that boss can be identified and is still working in the financial industry, he deserves to receive a cheese steak.

Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 9:39PM

Meredith Whitney needs a cheesesteak, heh heh.

Posted by Lowly Assistant, Apr 24, 2008 9:44PM

You fuckers don't know what it's like to walk from Broad to "99 Miles to Philly" on 3rd ave. in 80 degree heat, only to turn around and take a slow motherfucking 4,5 from U. Square to Fulton with a backpack full of sandwiches. Fiona Apple said it best when she said, "This world is bullshit."

Goddamned Financial District, and its lack of sandwiches containing fatty goodness.

Posted by guest, Apr 24, 2008 10:29PM

My God, they wouldn't pay for an air-conditioned taxi back? After all, you were carrying their food, and everyone knows meat sweats.

Posted by Lowly Assistant, Apr 24, 2008 10:56PM

@10:29,

The only "atrocities confirmed" regarding GS remain coca-cola and cases of poland spring. However, this is not the truth, my friend. Afternoon taxis are a thing of the past, and I'm notorious for treating their sandwiches with delicate care (i.e., running my pocket-fan against the foiled packages whilst riding the train, in hopes of not ruining the gelatin-bled slices of fat).

Furthermore: nothing better than an obvious catholic school alumni using a capital "G" in god. You're a good man, and Brother McCaffey appreciates it. You're gold.

-I need to get layed off. There's cigarettes to be smoked, and whiskey to be drunk.

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 8:14AM

I have a salami for all those mommys at GS

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 8:20AM

@9:44 BS. The deli across from 1NYP has perfectly good cheesesteaks.

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 9:01AM

Are you going to send two to Cohen? One cheese steak wouldn't even be an appetizer.

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 9:02AM

Hey, Lowly Assistant, @9:44pm just had an answer to your problem. Next time they ask you to go to "99 Miles to Philly" tell them you heard about a great place much closer. Get the menu from the place at Police Plaza so you can answer questions. If they have a thing about "99 Miles to Philly," tell them you wouldn't mind doing it, but everyone's got to chip in for a taxi there and back. If GS won't pay it, let everyone chip in a couple of bucks from their own pocket for the carfare.

Two funny comments! No, sorry to let you down, but an old public school high school graduate here. (Plus, of course, college and beyond.)

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 9:07AM

Doing personal errands and keeping your mouth shut, almost guarantees his job. It also lets him spit in their food.

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 9:08AM

WTF are things that bad at GS they can't afford fucking taxis? And why the hell did you walk? Don't you have a metrocard? Are you working for college credit or something?

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 9:10AM

Pocket fan? You';re a little fat guy, arent you!

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 10:55AM

We used to send our analyst to Hoboken for roast beef sandwiches that were UNBELIEVABLE. Ah, days gone by.

Posted by guest, Apr 25, 2008 1:12PM

I'm shocked Thadius R. Rogers hasn't stepped up with his own offer of hot beef sandwiches.

Posted by guest, Apr 28, 2008 5:46PM

can i have a cheesesteak?

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