If you’re like us, you spent last weekend (and the yeast-less days following) being plagued by the fear that, for various reasons, Jeff Epstein hadn’t been invited into anyone’s home for Passover. Blissfully, that concern was put to rest today. The Post reports that the massage enthusiast has been in Israel since Saturday to celebrate the holiday. (It is unclear how extensively traditional the Seders he attended were, though all accounts note several rousing, no holds barred games of find the afikomen in my pants with the harem of Bat Mitzvah-aged women he had in tow). Epstein is apparently also “meeting with Israeli scientists about medical research he’s funding and taking a tour of military bases with [Friends of Israel chairman] Benny Shabtai.” RE paying men, women and children to stand around awkwardly on several occasions while he jerked off into a towel, Epstein’s representative would like every to note that “the alleged victims have all acknowledged they lied about their age.” They all said they were they were 30, and they looked 35. Epstein would’ve called bull shit, but he respects the ladies.
Just Visiting [Page Six]

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Comments (51)

  1. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 12:05 PM

    O’ Bess Bess – How old did you tell him you were?

  2. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 12:11 PM

    Oh, how I would love to have Epstein show up at my seder, he’s like elijiah, except I’d actually be surprised/happy to see him

  3. Posted by big r | April 24, 2008 at 12:38 PM

    anyone going out tonight?

  4. Posted by big r | April 24, 2008 at 12:38 PM

    anyone going out tonight?

  5. Posted by Jmoney | April 24, 2008 at 12:42 PM

    You suggesting some Thurday Night Drinking Club?

  6. Posted by mrpink | April 24, 2008 at 12:46 PM

    i am.

  7. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 12:47 PM

    Perhaps he’s just delivering scientific or military secrets pilfered from the USA? What…? It’s not like any nation in the Middle East is a friend of the United States. Even nations we provide funding to stab us in the back.

  8. Posted by ep | April 24, 2008 at 12:49 PM

    “Posted by Jmoney, Apr 24, 2008 12:42PM
    You suggesting some Thurday Night Drinking Club?

    Jmoney went to U of C, I’ll wager.

  9. Posted by big r | April 24, 2008 at 12:50 PM

    i say we all go to the bull & bear and admire the genius that is cody willard

  10. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 12:57 PM

    @12:50 I’ve wondered why no one has pulled any stunt in the background of that terrible show. My suggestion is for a group of guys and girls to start moaning in pleasure while Cody is speaking. Or vomitting might also be interesting. Or flashing a sign with A LOT of expletives. Or simulating graphic ‘interludes’ in the background might be rather amusing. Or for the more daring, perhaps getting back to nature (I’ll prefer the girls for this though I expect two of our readers would prefer some daring guys).
    Thadius R. Rogers
    Financier/Evalautor of Talent

  11. Posted by big r | April 24, 2008 at 1:03 PM

    im sure theyve thought of that and maybe have a doorman?

  12. Posted by girl | April 24, 2008 at 1:04 PM

    Thadius,
    I’d venture more than 2 of you would prefer that

  13. Posted by big r | April 24, 2008 at 1:09 PM

    @ girl
    i assumed his 2 was GAnalYst and yourself.

  14. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 1:13 PM

    Surely the crackpot team here could organize or think of something amusing. I’ll be watching tonight to see if anyone has the creativtiy, daring, and courage to pull something off. I have low expectations though of any success. Certainly this isn’t as easy as eating a lot of oysters.

  15. Posted by girl | April 24, 2008 at 1:17 PM

    @ big r
    you’re hurting mr pink’s feelings

  16. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 1:29 PM

    Quick! Someone go round up some girls from Flashdancers on the way over!
    Oh, whats that? They’ve already had strippers on the show? DRATS! Foiled Again!

  17. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 1:33 PM

    @12:57: No need to accomodate me re naked boys, cause I’m gonna see that at the gym tonight. Ditto for pink, cause it sounds like hes going out drinking in Chelsea (Gym Bar, I would guess). Count is one = girl GAnalYst

  18. Posted by girl | April 24, 2008 at 1:47 PM

    i’m chuffed at the vote of confidence GAnalYst but count = 0, enjoying gratuitous nudity is distinctly a guy thing.

  19. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 1:50 PM

    @1:33 Doesn’t really matter. No one here has the guts to challenge Cody and Rupert. They have won. How can this little Dealbreaker site and it’s few readers possibly compete against the massive resources of Fox Business News, The Wall Street Journal, Fox News, and every other News Corp. property? Truly a happy hour for Happy Hour. Until someone gets a good prank shown on Happy Hour, Cody will continue to be the winner that we must all acknowledge he is. Yes, FBN may be watched in less homes than most basketball arenas, but it’s the point that Cody and Rupert haven’t allowed any ‘breach’ to occur.

  20. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 1:53 PM

    Perhaps a sign saying “Epstein is my hero” would suffice…we would know it’s someone from DB.
    -dantheman

  21. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 1:53 PM

    girl: its clear from your response that you’ve never attended a bachelorette party at Campus in Montreal or Leopards in Rio GAnalYst

  22. Posted by Jmoney | April 24, 2008 at 1:54 PM

    ep,
    not U of C, but perhaps equally nerdy JHU. TNDC was a big deal at one of the frats (I think SAE) in my freshman / sophomore years.

  23. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 1:55 PM

    Yes, grammar police, I know it is ‘its’. I type fast and don’t proofread. Deal with it. I only bother to proof with people who pay me big bucks.

  24. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 1:57 PM

    If I’ve piqued the interest of any ladies planning this type of event, note that the fare at both places is generally as you would imagine. Campus: strapping, clean cut friendly lumberjacks. Sort of like the Bounty towel guy. Good clean fun. Leopards: buff, tanned, wiry and swarthy Brazilian boys. A touch of the raunchy. GAnalYst

  25. Posted by girl | April 24, 2008 at 1:59 PM

    @ gAnalYst Canyon Ranch in Tuscon is about as racy as we’ve gotten *tear*

  26. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 2:01 PM

    @1:53 Anything would be better than nothing. The Dealbreaker logo? ‘F Bess’? Ron Paul for President (for those who still believe)? No sign? How about painting your face while in the restroom with something catchy? Just ideas. Maybe some folks might want to contribute to the Strippergram for Cody fund? I think it should be a male stripper myself. The uncomfortable effect would be excellent to watch. But a small sign in the background would be a great start too.

  27. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 2:09 PM

    “How can this little Dealbreaker site”…love the d-bags who denigrate the site as though they don’t read/comment/obsessively refresh it all day.

  28. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 2:24 PM

    Girl, what on earth were you doing at a chipendales in Tuscon? Or in Tuscon at all for that matter?

  29. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 2:24 PM

    @2:09 It was a slant/joke/sarcasm I included on purpose in order to inspire. Read the post again if you don’t get it. You ever heard of Goliath? How about Rocky? Geez…some of you need to stay off the coffee. Don’t take offense, but your comment is something I would expect from Analy_st.

  30. Posted by mrpink | April 24, 2008 at 2:51 PM

    GAnalYst-
    How did you guess one of my watering places? LOL..
    girl- my feelings don’t get hurt easily… at least not on a message board lol
    9 mins to go! GO 2/30 SPREAD .. keeeeeep flattening! :-)
    -mrp

  31. Posted by mrpink | April 24, 2008 at 3:00 PM

    GAnalYst-
    A bunch of us from a few wall st firms are going to philly next friday to a circuit party:
    http://blueball.sapphirefund.org/
    check it at home folks!! (erring on the side of caution for some less liberal workplaces)
    -mrp

  32. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 3:10 PM

    pink: have fun. BF and I are usually asleep early, so no circuits for us. Raciest things we do are ESPA and Toys-for-tots. We do however want a full report. I’d especially like to hear if there are any horny Wharton boys putting out. Possibly in return for a job offer. GAnalYst

  33. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 3:13 PM

    Even more reason that ACTION MUST BE TAKEN:
    http://www.portfolio.com/views/blogs/mixed-media/2008/04/24/fbns-willard-i-love-my-hairstylist-to-death
    “It’s all on my terms all the time.” Surely someone will rise to the challenge.

  34. Posted by girl | April 24, 2008 at 3:18 PM

    darling Canron Ranch is a health spa- you get massages and facials and pay them to starve you. its fabulous.
    speaking of chippendales you have yet to sign up for the class like you promised. Ham is nearly ready to graduate from black to neon green speedo

  35. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 3:36 PM

    Girl, I’m ready when you are, but having had some practice in this area, I’m ready to go straight to shiny-red thong
    (don’t ask)

  36. Posted by mrpink | April 24, 2008 at 3:36 PM

    At the Financial Times’s annual “Meet the FT” party last night, Willard, co-host of FBN’s Happy Hour, confessed to wearing pre-distressed shoes, reading Women’s Wear Daily and getting his famous tresses trimmed at downtown salon Privé, where a basic cut runs from $90 to $300.
    Wow….
    -mrp

  37. Posted by girl | April 24, 2008 at 3:46 PM

    hahaha oh dear…

  38. Posted by mrpink | April 24, 2008 at 3:47 PM

    GAnalYst-
    I’m sure I will have lots of photos… hahahahahha
    -mrp

  39. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 4:07 PM

    man, the turd burglar level is getting high!

  40. Posted by mrpink | April 24, 2008 at 4:09 PM

    go eat some oysters, or go muff diving.
    -mrp

  41. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 4:19 PM

    I’m gettin all verklempt, whewwwww!!!

  42. Posted by big r | April 24, 2008 at 4:19 PM

    nothing wrong w womens wear daily

  43. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 4:40 PM

    @ girl
    You don’t have to go all the way to Tuscon to get a facial.

  44. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 4:48 PM

    @ 4:40 ahahaha damn you, that is the witty comment I was searching for, arghhh!!!
    (but Girl, for real, the onus is on you now my dear)

  45. Posted by girl | April 24, 2008 at 4:59 PM

    I wouldn’t exactly call “pointing out the obvious” wit, but to each his own.
    Anyway it takes magic hands to keep me this smoking. Move on now kiddies.

  46. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 4:59 PM

    @4:40 Every so often I gain some useful knowledge from my visits to DB. Up until now I had thought that that was a practice followed exclusively by gay boys. Live and learn. GAnalYst

  47. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 5:17 PM

    @ GAnalYst
    Are you for serious? Facials are a long-appreciated tradition of the straight-male sect. That is, as long as we’re on the delivering side, and not the receiving. I imagine a good portion of the ladies whom have been the recipients of our ‘love’ are not such fans (I believe jezebel had a huge bitch/rant fest about this a few months back even).

  48. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 5:48 PM

    Thanks for the info anal_yst. Its frankly been awhile since I’ve been straight and even then my heart wasn’t really in it. Maybe I should broaden my circle of friends. But that would mean bad food, ugly apartments, vacations in Cancun, cheep beer, little or no wine, bruce willis movies. No, I’m gonna stay where I am and rely on the kindness of strangers like you to keep me informed of such things. I might be reaching out soon for some baseball tips. Clients love to go to games. Ugh. GAnalYst

  49. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 5:55 PM

    “Facials are a long-appreciated tradition of the straight-male sect. That is, as long as we’re on the delivering side, and not the receiving.”…cause that would make you…

  50. Posted by Anal_yst | April 24, 2008 at 5:59 PM

    GAnalYst, unfortunately I’m about 60% useless with baseball as I gave that game up to play lacrosse many years ago. Football sure, baseball, meh.

  51. Posted by guest | April 24, 2008 at 6:12 PM

    @5:48
    Stereotyping straight people, and yet you get so defensive when we do the same to you

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