How Are Things At Merrill? No One (At Merrill) Can Really Say

Posted by Bess Levin, Apr 16, 2008, 4:32pm

victoriathain.JPGSo it seems there's been a slight mix up at Merrill vis-a-vis capital. CEO John Thain was under the impression that they had some*, while senior executives beg to differ. Sources tell CNBC's Charlie Gasparino that after Thain told anyone who would listen that things were a-okay, MER Chief Financial Officer Nelson Chai muttered to himself, "I wish he hadn't say that," before sighing audibly, and strategizing new and inventive ways to spin what many believe will be a $6.5 billion writedown announcement this week. Close personal friend of DealBreaker E. Stan O'Neal tells us that Thain had been under the impression that he'd be able to sell the stuff he stole from his daughter's apartment for at least twenty grand, when in reality, the computer, iPod and tank tops didn't go for more than 9.


Merrill May Need to Raise More Capital, Insiders Say [CNBC]


*or "enough"

5Recommend this! 46Comments

Comments

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 4:52PM

No coverage of Merrill trying to close in on hiring Montag from GS. You guys are slacking...

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 4:56PM

You guys are losing your edge compared to Deal Journal where they compare Merrill employees to Nazis!

http://blogs.wsj.com/deals/2008/04/16/just-following-orders-the-moral-dilemma-at-merrill/?mod=WSJBlog

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:13PM

It takes someone with cahonas larger than even Gasparino to wontonly through around the term Nazis in "print" over bad trades.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:14PM

A few random thoughts:

1) Saying something over and over doesn't make it come true

2) Schwartz told the whole world everything was fine the Wednesday before the collapse

3) I'll bet Thain has the Schwartz footage from CNBC on a continuous loop

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:17PM

@5:14 everything WAS fine the wednesday before the collapse.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:19PM

@5:13-- exactly...that's why I'm not sure why the deal journal editor at 4:56 is trying to shame db into calling merrill nazis.

Posted by HAM05, Apr 16, 2008 5:21PM

yeah way to not report on montag - she and spencer were seen at 30 rock yesterday. OMGGG!!!

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:23PM

Just a minute now! If we start calling everyone "Nazis" it will diminish my film work for dear Adolph. Remember my "Triumph of the Will"? Dear Adolph descends from a dark, cloudy sky in a Fokker tri-plane and lands at Tempelhof and is surrounded by adoring citizens as he declares the hard times are over. Recently an American President flew from the sky and landed on an aircraft carrier declaring "Mission Accomplished!" Well, imitation is a sincere form of flattery I guess. FYI, Templehof is only a short distance from Limbaughplatz and around the corner from Dobbsplatz.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:25PM

It's "cojones", not "cahonas"...for God's sake visit Texas some time or learn Spanish. "Conejos" means "rabbits"....don't make that mistake either.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:27PM

it's also 'throw' not 'through.' for god's sake learn your homophones.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:29PM

@5:17 Please, put down the Kool Aid. Are you a (former) BSC employee? That might explain why BSC was in such trouble.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:29PM

Who said anything about homophobes?

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:30PM

"Homophones"?? Is that like a hot-line or something?

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:32PM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophone

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:33PM

Don't be hatin' on the Nazis. I heard a former one visited the White House today. Oh, I'm not supposed to say that? Tough. You fire or help fire a gun, then you're part of the PART-TEE! A youthful mistake? Tell if to the kids on death row or in prison. I wonder if one wears a brown shirt under all that white? You can take your poltical correctness and supposed moral superiority and stick up some alter boys behind. I could care less.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:37PM

Bess:

"Close personal friend of DealBreaker Stan O"Neal"?? You must be kidding. That clown was asleep at the switch through all of 2007.

I got a brochure in the mail today from MER titled "Why Your Accounts Are Safe at Merrill Lynch". Should this cause me concern?

The Guy from Delaware

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:39PM

@5:33.....It's "I couldn't care less........". One of them helped put an American on the moon, too.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:40PM

@ the guy from delaware-- "you must be kidding"...ding ding ding! she was! what prize do we have for him, johnny?!

Posted by big r, Apr 16, 2008 5:40PM

i hate thains daughter, solely from that picture.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:45PM

i love his daughter for that picture

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:48PM

@5:23

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiot

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:49PM

@5:39 I'm sure that all those who sufferred in camps during WWII appreciate a few white guys going to the moon. Not. And 'could care less' is a well-accepted colloquial expression in contemporary American English - even if it does drive English folks nuts. But you probably already know that debate though.

Posted by Anal_yst, Apr 16, 2008 5:50PM

Sorry R, I'm gonna side with 5:45, that picture screams SCREAMS "i need a good a$$pounding", which, of course, I would be happy to oblige her, being the gentleman that I am and all...

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:51PM

bess most of us know your nazi-baiting credentials are impeccable

Posted by big r, Apr 16, 2008 5:56PM

anal_yst, you're so wrong. shell make you buy her vodka tonics all ngiht while shes off we her friends and her tiara "dancing like no one is watching". meanwhile you're sitting at the bar hoping she gets drunk enough for you. then the end of the night comes and she shorts you.

its not even her birthday, she just wears tiaras around bc shes little baby thain.

thats what the picture screams.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:58PM

The Guy From Delaware,

Receiving a brochure titled "Why Your Accounts Are Safe At Merrill Lynch" is a sure fire short signal and an indication your account isn't safe there at all.

The Other Guy From Delaware

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 5:59PM

@5:56 That's precisely why she needs a good ass pounding.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 6:03PM

I'm sure Thain would be thrilled to know some of us (maybe even MER employees) want to nail his daughter. Knowing identities would make the lay offs easier to determine.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 6:12PM

Poll Question:

Would you do Thain's daughter?

A) Yes, I'd ride her like Seabiscuit until the sun rises and then do it again...and again...

B) Yes, screwing her would be poetic justice for everyone JT has screwed over the years.

C) Yes, I would nail the shit out of her, throw her out of bed and make her sleep on the floor.

D) No way, I would rather jerk off with sandpaper.

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 6:14PM

@6:03 I'm Ted Jones in Accounting Mr. Thain. And I want to bang your daughter like a drum. She sure seems like a total slut and is probably very easy once plowed with a few drinks. Call me if you want to discuss this further. I'm in the directory. Who knows, since I work for you and thus have no morals or integrity, maybe I'll be putting a bun in her hot little oven.

Posted by Investorcluzo, Apr 16, 2008 6:20PM

@big r - I generally agree with your analysis, however, I would tweak the ending: she gets back to anal_yst's apt, pukes, then proceeds to call for daddy's car service to come pick her up. anal_yst is left holding the bag twice in one night...c'mon, we've all seen this movie before. you go after her friend, that way you (a) don't get fired and (b) have a girl who's been longing for attention and aiming to please ( ; (play the game the way it was meant to be played!)

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 7:54PM

Tapped it!

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 8:29PM

Jacked it!

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 9:15PM

Oh, God, we have the fake dueling identities of the Guy from Delaware and the Other Guy from Delaware back again. We all know you're one and the same!

I think the news item about Merrill Lynch's capital problems is more interesting/funny than fantasies about John Thain's daughter, who after all, can't control to whom she was born. Bess wasn't making up the part about Nelson Chai sighing and contradicting John Thain.

I'm glad someone else straightened out the "cojones" (coe hone ees) confusion.

Posted by StupidEquityGuy, Apr 16, 2008 9:54PM

Wow...

Looks like I am going to have company riding on the short bus around here...

Thanks for the laughs...

Peace all,

~SEG

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 11:03PM

Yo! @ 5:58! You are not the "Other Guy From Delaware!. Ass wipe. That's me. How dare your soil the DB community with your lies. I've been accused of many things here...but NEVER imitated! You are a worm. Dillweed.

The "Real" Other Guy From Delaware;
Beware Cheap Imitations

Delaware: It's the cows

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 11:06PM

@ 9:15 - Blow us guys from Delaware. Dillweed!

The real Other Guy From Delaware

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 11:13PM

She does have nice tits, though...

The real Other Guy From Delaware

Delaware: Yeah, I know your sister in a Biblical sense. Smuck.....

Posted by guest, Apr 16, 2008 11:15PM

Hi guys, Judge Judy here. Isn't amazing how Gasbagarumor can make such astute observations of obvious facts and still always be wrong at the same time. The jerkoff is always wrong because he makes most of this shit up and then claims to have received it from a source. Believe me; nobody at ML is concerned in the least about JT's comments. Once again the Bagman will be proven incorrect as he was with Bear, as he was with Ambac, as he was with Citi,.....Face it - the ginny is a dope.

Now maybe, just maybe, he is laying some pipe with JT's daughter???? I hear that they will make a joint appearance on Springer when he broadcasts in the Bronx next month. Gotta see that one!

Posted by StupidEquityGuy, Apr 16, 2008 11:54PM

It appears the back of the short bus is getting crowded tonight...

~SEG

Posted by guest, Apr 17, 2008 8:08AM

That was dope i think Thain just called you out on the conference call this morning

Posted by guest, Apr 17, 2008 8:16AM

also, anyone who can explain why there are muppets on the merrill website www.ml.com would be appreciated
s75

Posted by guest, Apr 17, 2008 9:20AM

"Merrill Lynch worked with Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit organization behind Sesame Street, to create the concept of Panwapa, a floating island inhabited by Muppets who visit communities and cultures in every corner of the planet."

give me fucking strength

Posted by guest, Apr 17, 2008 9:23AM

@6:12: A everytime.

Posted by guest, Apr 17, 2008 12:37PM

Thain's daughter is hot. Anyone know her number?

Posted by guest, Apr 17, 2008 10:52PM

Check out this FUNNY CARTOON on you tube where the The Federal Reserve and JP Gobble Bear Stearns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9_EMDfnTfw

and/or goto

www.bearstearnslives.com

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