Round of applause for John Thain and the enormous restraint he demonstrated in the five months since taking over Merrill Lynch. He could’ve changed the letterhead, shaved his head and asked people to call him LB from Day One, but he resisted, pandered to the “culture of Mother Merrill,” and even ingratiated himself to the team with a few slipups reminiscent of their former CEO, just to make everyone feel at home. Ultimately, though, the temptation to make the firm “not so much Merrill as Goldman” proved too strong. He would’ve had to have the strength of a pro-wrestler/master beekeeper to hold out much longer, and as you well know, Thain is merely a former high school wrestler, and though very passionate about honey, amateur beekeeper at best. So the statement from MER today that JT has hired former GS colleague Thomas Montag to head trading worldwide should come not come as a shock, nor should the whispers (in our head) that he’s rallying hard to bring in erstwhile Goldman Sachs CEO Jon Corzine in some sort of capacity. Though, according to the rumors, the would be hire has less to do with turning Merrill into Goldman than Thain attempting to assuage his guilt about ousting his mentor back in the day, and also to bring Wall Street’s greatest bear hugs back into his life, via payroll. Additionally, DealBreaker has obtained an internal memo sent out to senior management this morning entitled “Drop Everything: Things We Must Do to Become More like Goldman”
1. If anybody knows someone at the NYSE, try and find out if it’s possible to get our ticker symbol changed from MER to GS2.
2. Begin offering free soda and bottled water on the trading floor today. Cruelly rescind beverage welfare program next week.
3. Contact WSJ, NYT reporters to plant “story” that the Clinton/Obama/McCain campaigns are all “desperate” to land me as treasury secretary.
4. Initiate buddy system between prime brokerage and prop desk in order to facilitate front running of clients.
In other news, Stan O’Neal has been spotted dining at media Mecca Michael’s, with jacket, sans pants.
Merrill's Thain Hires Former Goldman Colleague Montag [Bloomberg]
Sightings [NYP]
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 12:29PM
Wow, this will be interesting to see how long #s 4 and 5 remain up there before some GS lawyer sends you a threatening "cease and desist" type note.
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 12:48PM
I heard JT plans to cut down Larry Fink's hedges
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 12:49PM
hmm, if there really was a #5, not very long it appears
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 12:51PM
there wasn't a five, it looked like a copy error b/c it said the same thing as four.
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 12:52PM
Ya... I missed #5, can we get a comment about it for context...
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 12:55PM
@12:51 oh, well that is less funny then.
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 12:58PM
4's still pretty damn litigious
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Apr 28, 2008 12:58PM
Doesn't Corzine have his hands full trying to fuck up New Jersey beyond anyone's wildest dreams? How many cooks do you need in the kitchen, Thain?
Posted by diablo , Apr 28, 2008 1:10PM
On #3, Thain would only take a job from McCain. The other 2 would not offer anything if they win, as MER is putting all their money on a GOP win.
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 1:16PM
Corzine was an expert in risk management. Corzine didn't wear a seatbelt one day. Oops!!
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 1:26PM
@1:10 - how do you square that with the fact that Merrill Lynch PAC has given to Democrats like Barney Frank, Harry Reid, Max Baucus, and Stephanie Tubbs Jones?
http://query.nictusa.com/cgi-bin/com_supopp/2007_C00040550
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 1:35PM
@1:26 - they're all high ranking members on the finance committees in their respective chambers. Just trying to get the best possible ROIC is all
Posted by Billy Ray Human , Apr 28, 2008 2:30PM
"pro-wrestler/master beekeeper"
fantastic.
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 3:17PM
Regarding the #4 accusation, I've known people on the Street and worked for another bank before GS. While I can't go into details, there are some specific policies in place at Goldman that show that integrity is extremely important to senior management and maintained on down. Reputational risk is taken far more seriously, and lying is a firable offense. It does jive with the business principles, and when in reality it is followed, you keep your clients and employees.
http://www2.goldmansachs.com/our-firm/about-us/business-principles.html
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 3:17PM
@3:17 = dantheman
{have work to do...later}
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 5:56PM
Hopefuly Montag gets rid of the bigots who have lurked in that group for too long. Who let the dogs out?!!
http://eeoc0sues0merrilllynch.wordpress.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merrill_Lynch#Alleged_charges_of_discrimination_towards_minority_employees
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 8:32PM
@3:17PM
Only interns who have got to know GS for about 8 weeks are impressed by their business principles. The others' experienced what is coming first in case of a conflict of interest: GS. Not that it's different with other ibanks but Goldman is fighting on every front line.
Posted by guest , Apr 28, 2008 11:03PM
I work with most firms as a client. GS is clearly above all others in quality and integrity. No question about it. So all of you stop whyning. They just have their act together more than the others.
Posted by guest , Apr 30, 2008 9:37PM
I realize that every post I find funny is written by Bess. I think I might have a crush on her.
Oh sons of my bitches...