Back in December, we floated the idea that any company looking to reduce headcount ought to get creative about it. Performance is very hard to quantify, and if you’ve got send thousands of people packing, why not have some fun with your firings? Our suggestions were: 1. A giant game of Assassin and 2. Some sort of survival challenge revolving around a lethal strain of syphilis. No one took the (genius) idea seriously. Until now.
UBS apparently sent out a company-wide email yesterday to recruit employees for its first inaugural Rock Band team, which will supposedly compete against other businesses. Auditions are being held today at 5 in the UBS cafeteria. Sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Yeah, until you realize that this whole thing is a guise for preselecting people for upcoming layoffs. At least that's what it sounds like to us. The only question is, will team members be given the benefit of the doubt (and employment) until they lose to Uncle Jim's Hardware? Or are people getting the axe the moment they show up for tryouts?
Posted by miami , Apr 23, 2008 4:25PM
Bess, you clearly don't have the foresight to run a large Euro I-bank.
They are selecting the new CEO.
Whoever unlocks Buckethead first!
{Yes, I know that's a GH ref and not Rock Band.}
Posted by guest , Apr 23, 2008 4:32PM
ten bucks says she could run a large euro bank better than the guy who's been doing it the last few years. too bad she's already been nominated for LB's job. http://dealbreaker.com/2008/04/goldman_chief_says_say_on.php
Posted by guest , Apr 23, 2008 7:53PM
Here's how the game is really played. Many people have been working as consultants (illegally) for over 5 years, never having been offered full-time jobs with benefits.
Now, all positions will be full-time, but the number of jobs will be reduced. You can apply for a job (competing with outside candidates) and if you win, make half your current salary in some cases.
Everyone's resume is on the street and no one's driving the bus. It's like watching dogs fight over scraps. Who could possibly have dreamed up such a diabolical sport?
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 8:25AM
@7:53 "No one is driving the bus." Nice anagram..."No one is driving UBS."
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 8:47AM
So they are triming the investment bank but the big question is where are the cuts going to be - Europe, US, London ?
Equities, Fixed Interest, FX, Debt ? What about corporate advisory M&A ?
Seems like everyone is planning a move to Emerging Markets, Asia and Australia etc so I assume people are safe in these places ?
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 12:49PM
The nice thing about working for a firm steeped in secrecy is that you never know what's happening. This is a humane practice that protects people and allows them to be happy until the second after the ax has fallen. That's when you see your head rolling on the floor and think: wow, that didn't hurt a bi...