Hey, so I was doing this story, you know, for my job with the Post? Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyhow, check it. Believe it or not, this guy John Paulson, he is this guy who made a lot of money by shorting sub-prime. I mean a lot. Like enough to buy Bear Stearns. Or enough to buy Delta Airlines. Like, with change. No, really. He did it by shorting stock. You know, when instead of buy low, sell high, you sell high and buy low. Cool huh? Yeah, and he made like a billion percent! And this one time, Congress was going to try and raise the tax on all these hedge fund guys like Paulson. But that didn’t work. Anyhow, all these rich hedge fund guys, they get all this money and homeowners can’t even buy eggs and sugar. But that’s capitalism, you know? Sometimes you get the bull, sometimes the bull gets you. Is that how it goes? You know what I mean.
No, I can’t talk for long. I have to go do a story on Britney Spears’ manager’s bank accounts. No, I know but it’s better than all these student loan stories and local debt stories they have had me doing. What? Oh, I don’t know. They have had me doing these business articles since last year. Yeah, I don’t know, I miss Columbia.
No, yeah, I gotta go to. My editor wants some coffee. See ya!
1 Man, 1 Year: $3.7 Billion Payout [Washington Post]
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Please forgive if I am being obtuse but what exactly are you trying to communicate here?
I think EP is demonstrating the he/she should be penning lines for Family Circle in the Sunday paper. Those aren’t funny either.
your writing is awful.
Are you trying to get fired from the Post like another blogger who was recently shown the exit?
Understatement of the year, if not the decade:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080417/us_nm/pope_usa_dc
I doubt he could have bought Delta. Cho at the Post says could’ve bought Northwest at the price Delta paid which is prolly closer to the truth. I don’t think he could’ve gotten any synergies that Delta can’t get or changed the cost base any better than Delta might be able to do, so I don’t think it would have been worth his while.
hey, so, you know, your stilted writing really sucks. then short sentence.
oh, also, not funny.
Is it me, or did the Pope actually say the last part of first paragraph of this story?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080417/us_nm/pope_usa_dc
Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s the worst advice the Pope should be giving.
@1:43 not her fault if you have ADD. and you can’t read. more that 5 words strung. together. Or maybe it’s because. you still read alound and. you gotta take a breath. from time to time. Can you see your screen. through the finger marks. you leave on the screen as. you follow along.
Take your fucking meds.
Am I the only one who possibly gets that what EP is doing is showing us what people who have no understanding of finance or hedge funds get fed to them from the likes of the Washington Post by writers who have at best a minimal understanding of it themselves.
@2:02 – most people get it. 1:43 is a mouth breather.
-NSD
it seems pretty obvious that she’s panning cho the washington post writer who penned the paulson story. she actually channels him pretty well. reading his other stuff that she linked to he is a hack of the worst kind.
the humor is too subtle for db, ep. they want prostitutes and blowjobs and pictures of ceo’s daughters to thwap to while they anxiously wait to find out if they have been laid off yet.
I take it back. its the population in comments that wants prostitutes and blowjobs that your writing is lost on.
take heart in this: your piece was perfectly plausibly dumb enough to have fooled more than a few db readers that it was your natural voice. that is a compliment though I don’t know how much of one.
this whole website is becoming less than useless……
isn’t satire supposed to be funny or something?
me bored
2:07b – 2:13 – just make sure you get those trades cleared and strike the NAVs by 4 pm, k?
DB has successfully implemented Taylorism. Bess covers prostitutes and blowjobs. EP snipes at muddled thinking. Carney does whatever he does.
@2.25 sure, as long as you bring me lunch on time
@ab– bess hasn’t done anything on prost’s or blow jobs today.
I’m sure Bess is doing research right now for a late breaking story on the economic downturn’s impact on blow jobs and prostitution. I’m sure her job involves more than sitting around and cutting and pasting other people’s reporting.
@2:29 no YOU’RE back office!
@2:30 still a couple hours to go though
You idiots don’t read Going Private do you? It’s tongue-in-cheek. She’s just making fun of MSM attempts to cover “finance stories”. Your average journalist trying to write about Wall Street is like Paul Krugman trying to pen a story about college football. It just doesn’t work, and sounds stupid and pathetic.
@ab. uh, ouch? just b/c her stories haven’t involved bj’s today doesn’t mean all she did was “cut and paste other people’s reporting.” do you read her stuff? are you confusing her with mr. one line then link to story Carney?
I don’t know. I rely on Carney to tell me how to think about issues. Without him around, I am a rudderless ship.
pretty sure it takes more effort to be funny (like bess) than get up on a soap box (like carney)
@ 2:38
Which is why I wish (but not much) people would register so we could identify the f-tards who didn’t get it, sigh…
Is Carney coming back anytime soon? Please…..
fuck off diablo.
– bess fan
Hi: I am the president of “TARD” aka “Tards Against Redundant Descriptions” and our orgainzation is trying to slow or halt the use what we ccall the conjunction “-tard”. Recently, on this site and in electronic communications we have received, we are seeing such terms as “fucktards”, “banktards”, “credi-tards”, “analystards”, “lawtards”, “doctards” and the like. As you can see, the term “tard” is being abused and becoming common as a result. many now choose to use only one “tard” epithet per week which is helpful. We hope you’ll consider same.
-Leo Tard, President of TARD
I think I might have a crush on ep.
3:09 – It’s a phase we all go through. It will pass.
Bandersnatch,
What do you mean it will pass? I still have a crush on EP. It’s been 2 years. When will it end?
-plain vanila
Just read one of her many 78,000 word essays (the one on the philosophy of government regulation of private airplanes will end your dreams of a threesome with her and the debt bitch).
@3:36
that one just turned me on more. thats one smart girlie and she does her homework. its long because its filled with facts. ep you can fly me any day!
“No, yeah, I gotta go TOO. My editor wants some coffee. See ya!”
All illusion is destroyed with that simply mistake.
JK it was OK….
The adverb form is “slowly” not “slow”. Come on DB – if you want us to stop nitpicking the grammar, at least make it fun to read!
- EP (English Professor)
two interesting guesses. 1 english is not her first language. I heard it was her third. 2 her resume was posted before the spitzer scandal. but it seems to suggest she got hit on by him in 2005-2006. i mentioned this here once before but it was late and no one commented. am I crazy? or does someone else see that too?
For those of you that choose to read drivel, then read EPs pieces. Wasn’t she the one that gave us that barage of “If by great, you mean sh*t” articles are few months ago? I could be confusing….. BL is the only reason I come here anymore. The banking industry is for young type-A personalities that take pride in their dick, fart and toilet humor jokes. If you want subtle parody, why are you here?
I hate myself for saying this, but 5:12, you worked at Bear, didn’t you (haw haw haw), maybe in the pits?
On a serious note, reading some of EP’s treatise is an endeavor in itself, one that I imagine plenty of people “in finance” dont’ have the mind, attention span, or general ambition to attempt.
It is undeniable, however, that she is smart, witty, and (at least in my mind), deliciously sexy.
Is it too late to jump on the cheerleading bandwagon? If not, I’d like to second 4:06 and Anal.
BL is the only funny writer on this site although not exactly sure where 5:12 got the idea that that’s her brand of humor. when has levin ever made a dick/bathroom joke? or more than, say, once in a blue moon?
EP is just as painful to read as carney. you can tell they both find themselves hilarious, when in reality, they’re not funny. at. all.
10:01, dick/bathroom – I didn’t have the time or the inclination to name every aspect of toilet humor (although the recent piece on hand jobs comes to mind). Let’s just crack it up to being a lighter type of humor, which if I had to venture a guess, is the reason 90% of the people come to this site. Again, not subtle parody. We do agree she is the only funny writer here anymore (although Carney has the skill, but has just gotten plain lazy these days). PS….I truly loath the people on the comments that criticize for spelling errors etc….give me a f*cking break. Too err is human, to spell check your comments on a blog is truly pathetic.