Let me tell you a little something about CNBC’s For the Love of Money: The Death of Seth Tobias-- it was awesome. April Fool’s! The thing sucked. And I say that as the person probably most excited about it outside of the regulars at Cupid’s, who’ve gotten some great publicity out of this whole thing, and were having a special on lap dances all week to celebrate. I actually left a friend’s birthday party with the excuse that I had to get home to catch the next showing, having seemingly sacrificed far too much by being out at nine when it first aired. My people don’t really read DealBreaker and had never heard of this Seth Tobias of which I spoke, an ignorance I envy. (This is really a bizarre little world I’m not even a part of but am forced to write about M-F, isn’t it? And lately, terrifyingly, I’ve found myself in a sort of Stockholm Syndrome situation. Walking down the street the other day, someone was saying how random it is that all these Capital One branches seem to be popping up out of nowhere, and one of my non-reading friends, thinking I could shed some light was like, “Bess, what’s up with that?” and I was like, “Bitch, we do not write about retail.”) Anyway, Tobias—I told them, “Can’t explain, gotta go!” and hauled ass back to my apartment, thinking I was about to settle in for the greatest story of our time. Turned out to be the most disappointing.
‘Member our coverage of the Tobias case? The hour was basically that, but with a painful amount of publicity for CNBC (old clips of commentator Tobias on the air that had nothing to do with anything) spliced in. Don’t get me wrong—I loved our coverage and review it daily. But I expected more. I expected Tiger dancing in a thong. I expected Tobias dancing in a thong. I expected Haines dancing in a thong. I expected a Food Network-like showing of Andrew Ross Sorkin preparing the Ambien-laced pasta alla vodka that Tobias’s wife Filomena made for him the night he died. But none of it, FFS. Anyway, I don't want to end this day on a negative, so herewith, I present to you, my bulleted list of reasons the special *didn't* suck:
- Brief footage of Tobias on some sort of “cooking” show stuffing hot dogs in buns.
- Interviews with a car dealer in Palm Beach who looks a lot like James Caan, and is said to be a close personal friend of Filomena. Of the widow, Car Dealer says: “she’s a free-spirited, fun-loving girl.”
- B-roll of Car Dealer driving an Infiniti.
- The description of Tobias as a "hard charging financial TV commentator by day, not so closeted homosexual by night,” which got me wondering, who else that description could work for? (Blarney)
- When my neighbors come home and are being so loud that I can hear every single word of their conversation and not the show, and I start blasting Positive K’s, “I Got A Man,” cause two can play at that game.
- When my neighbor knocks on my door and I don’t open it all the way because at that moment they were showing shots of Tobias’s stripper boyfriend Tiger, except that offering commentary at the time is Billy Ash, who, if you’ll recall, has the highest pitched, creepiest voice on the planet (described by Tiger as sounding like “a very very gay Italian person”) so now the neighb. thinks I had a Larry Robbins in there.
- Every time the Ambien-laced last meal of pasta alla vodka is mentioned they flash a grainy “reenactment” of…a plate of pasta (suspiciously missing sauce—fucking CNBC).
- Comment by Mark Haines: “I was blown away! Truly! I had to sit down.”
- The photos of Billy Ash dressed up for Mardi Gras, we’d already seen but enjoyed nonetheless, in addition to the one of him posing in front of a grand piano.
- Andrew Ross Sorkin telling CNBC that when he flew down to Florida for the story he, “spoke to all [Seth’s] friends,” then winking suggestively.
- Recordings of Filomena and Ash talking after the incident, and A telling F to “"snap out of it bitch"
- CNBC showing up to Billy Ash’s condo and being told by the police, “If you step one foot closer he’s going to file a restraining order and we’ll make an arrest.” CNBC SHOT DOWN.
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 6:07PM
Bess...
I'm with you. The show was a loser and wasn't even entertaining.
I confess, I never heard of Sloth T. either before you started talking about the show late last week.
Also, Billy = March of the Penguins.
Posted by HAM05 , Apr 01, 2008 6:11PM
haha blarney is gonna be pissed
Posted by Anonymous , Apr 01, 2008 6:24PM
The sunglass 'flip' by San Diego's finest was brilliant. I've been practicing that move all day.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Apr 01, 2008 6:42PM
total bs does not begin to describe that nonsense. seriously, the numbnutts at cnbc could have saved their money and aired a repeat of "deal". how many times did we have to suffer through the mardi gras picture of that fraudster ash (I know someone kept a count)? talk about a money hungry beyatch! woefully inadequate is all I have to say. I can’t believe I wasted an hour of my life watching that hype. shame on you cnbc!
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 6:44PM
maybe because last year Capital One (the credit card company) bought Northfork and finally decided to rebrand the branches.
i could go into how you do write about "retail" all the time (where do you think sub-prime mortgages are initially originiated?) but whats the point
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 6:47PM
hah i watched tony bourdain on the travel channel instead, 100x more entertaining..
BOO YAH!
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 7:10PM
Guest@6:44...
What heading are you posting on? I think you pushed the comment button on the wrong subject.
Nobody on this string is interested in Capital One.
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 7:13PM
Positive K! Bess, my love for you only grows stronger.
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 7:36PM
BA's apt = Tres chic, no?
2StopShop
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 8:14PM
The Seth Tobias show was boring .... I was hoping for Dominick Dunne to give the show a bit of gravitas , but no such luck .... amateur hour
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 10:06PM
CNBC and MSNBC love controversies and stupidities.Look at Cramer and Scarborough they both act 30 years younger than their age.Erin has changed a lot to become such a trashy talker now. Ms. Bartiromo deserves my respect as well as Faber,Pisani and the rests of the gangs.Haines is such a racist old fella he needs to be replaced by either Faber, Nesto or Pisani.
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 10:40PM
They should really do a special called "Walking The Plank" alla Tommy Huds and the Pirates. ...Forget the Tiger, you know Tommy bends over at night.
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 10:50PM
Filomena did it! Unloading Seth's assets below market price, smushed Ambien in a safe... $25m
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 11:41PM
That show sucked ass. No two ways about it. Very uneventful.
Scott Cohn is a loser. Needed gasparino on the beat...so to speak.
AT
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 11:45PM
This article was so poorly written, I felt I had to comment. You tell me nothing about why this show sucks and go into a way too long parenthetical in the second paragraph. Just get to the point so we know you're justified in your outrage. No one knows who this Tobias character is and after glancing at your first few paragraphs, neither did I. Bottom line: better effort/learn how to write.
Posted by guest , Apr 01, 2008 11:57PM
Hey Bess why don't you insist Deal Breaker
put money for a sex change operation into
your next contract so you can be a real
reporter. It will do wonders for your
Freudian problems.
Posted by arthurcutten , Apr 02, 2008 12:00AM
I loved the article.
Looked the show sucked why beat it to death.
but the commentary. ah!
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 2:04AM
Billy Ash back commenting @10:50 pm? The boy can't help himself.
@11:57pm, world class nasty post. Bess may have her own personal griefs, but I don't think being an unfulfilled transsexual is one of them. Btw, what do you consider a "Freudian problem?" A problem with Freud? Psychological problems are not accurately referred to as "Freudian problems." There's a new thing now, called a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). That lists psychopathology as we know it today. Get a paperback DSM and use it to go over your anthology of insults and update as necessary, my friend. And when you're done, go to another site.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 2:06AM
Billy Ash back commenting @10:50 pm? The boy can't help himself.
@11:57pm, world class nasty post. Bess may have her own personal griefs, but I don't think being an unfulfilled transsexual is one of them. Btw, what do you consider a "Freudian problem?" A problem with Freud? Psychological problems are not accurately referred to as "Freudian problems." There's a new thing now, called a Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). That lists psychopathology as we know it today. Get a paperback DSM and use it to go over your anthology of insults and update as necessary, my friend. And when you're done, go to another site.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 7:46AM
It must have been bad. One of my coworkers watched it and afterwards still didn't know that Tobias was gay. WTF?
Also, COF for NFB was a $15 billion deal, not exactly small-time, DEALbreaker
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 9:44AM
I thought the article was hysterical and completely captured my own reaction. Not having kept up with the story since it broke, hot mess tranny Billy Ash and the fact that Tobias WAS NOT in fact a raging homosexual were news to me, so at least it wasn't a complete waste of time. I still think she did it.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 9:48AM
he wasn't?!?!?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 10:01AM
Clearly, this is the type of programming where Fox Business should totally be eating CNBC's lunch. Hello? Sex plus murder plus Wall Street? A sign that Fox Business can't possibly survive, if they missed this one!
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 10:11AM
11:45/57-- if you didn't know who tobias was, you shouldn't be reading db.
Posted by NotNasser , Apr 02, 2008 11:19AM
Give them a friggin' break. They did a creditable job. Of course, they weren't aiming at an audience who was already up-to-date on this, so they had to start from scartch.
This, in turn, meant that much of the hour was spent on material that, to Bess at al, was familiar. Too bad.
I was happy that they were skeptical about the blood-relatives' claims (hence the title "for the love of money" which seems to be the only reason for the homocide accusations) and, of course, Billy-Boy's attention addiction.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 11:44AM
I didnt even watch it, but i know it sucked. Just like idiots such as 11.45.
Posted by Living the Dream , Apr 02, 2008 11:58AM
This is why I have TiVo. My watching of slock is now is not interrupted by neighbor and I can simply delete the slcok I missed the first time when I read it is crap. Bess and DealBreaker, I owe you guys something, because you saved me an hour of time.
Posted by guest , Apr 03, 2008 11:43AM
I feel bad for Mrs Tobias, what she had to deal with was horrible. The half brothers and Billy Ash are in it for the money. CNBC did a good job in the reporting. The only thing that sucked was listening to that fat disgusting Billy Ash -his voice is annoying! What a piece of trash.
Posted by guest , Apr 04, 2008 10:19AM
Three days later and I can't get that damn Positive K song out of my head
Thanks Bess
Posted by VERITA , Apr 07, 2008 4:52PM
Great show, poor guy was not even gay, but the family says anything to trash their poor brother. Return of the dead would be great right now, I would love to see his brother's faces when Seth walks in and kicks their ASSSES for calling him a FAG. Oh well, every dog has its day.