Well, I just had a lovely conversation with UBS’s head of investment bank corporate communications. She was calling to ream me out about our Rock Band story from yesterday, because apparently it has to do with charity—the tryouts were for a competition being held during a May 6th dinner, at which UBS is being named the recipient of the “Heart of Gold Award” by the Volunteer Center of Southwestern Fairfield County—and we made light of the auditions, held in the UBS cafeteria. She mentioned several times that our insinuation that the whole thing was really a prescreening for upcoming layoffs “wasn’t amusing at all.” In my defense, none of the tipsters who told us about the auditions mentioned anything about charity, which we rarely, if ever, poke fun at. I should have done my due diligence, but the notion, while silly, that UBS would be putting together a Rock Band team to compete against other local businesses, not unlike a corporate softball team, didn’t seem that far fetched. Nor did the conspiracy theory that senior execs had taken our December suggestion that firms ought to play one big game of Assassin to determine who gets laid off seriously, decided to run with it, and put their own musical spin on things.
Also in my defense? That post was moderately funny. I’m comfortable saying that. If it wasn’t “amusing” enough for you, well, then I guess you’re a more critical arbiter of comedy than me. The bottom line is that the purpose of this site is to offer funny stuff about finance. If yesterday’s piece wasn’t good enough for you, Chuckles, tell you what—you write something "amusing" about UBS, and I’d be more than happy to put it up. Either that, or eat 250 oysters. Until then, get out of my face.
Related: UBS’s Fetish For Using Dulcet Tones As A Salve To Ease Sack-Rippingly Bad News
*But, seriously, it's nice that you do charity.
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:19PM
I heard the real name is USELESS Bank of Switzerland........
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:32PM
Uugh, Bought Subprime
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:33PM
Do I sense some Bear Stearns-ish touchy feely attitude towards satire here? OMG, what IS going on in their men's bathrooms?
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:34PM
The Swiss can't take a joke. Laughing at a joke might indicate support for a side. And, as we all know, the Swiss will NOT pick sides.
Brandy anyone? Ricola? Cheese with lots of holes in it?
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:37PM
hahaha
loved it
Posted by big r , Apr 24, 2008 2:40PM
"Laughing at a joke might indicate support for a side"
genius
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:46PM
Actually it is quite funny unless you are at UBS and you are scared that word of your massive upcoming layoffs just snuck out the back door.
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:56PM
Actually it was only 'moderately' funny...
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 2:59PM
And speaking of having a Grand Ol' Party:
http://www.crooksandliars.com/2008/04/23/gop-candidate-tony-zirkle-wishes-adolph-a-happy-birthday/
I heard that cookies were served during the party - fresh from the oven! What a gas that party must have been...so to speak.
(This post includes sarcastic references just to make it clear to those who take everything literally)
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 3:02PM
Bess you should have pulled the Jewish card on them bankers for those who must not be named....
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 3:06PM
also, how can we be sure those nazi sympathizers aren't pulling a "come take a shower" and then bam, laid off?
Posted by a lord , Apr 24, 2008 3:16PM
you go girl
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 3:35PM
Gosh, if I weren't so busy sprucing up my resume, I would have auditioned!
Posted by Sledgehammer , Apr 24, 2008 3:48PM
UBS still, for some reason, has a hiring mandate in Prime Brokerage. From speaking with existing staff in PB and elsewhere, they are expecting a sh!tload of layoffs.
Posted by guest , Apr 24, 2008 4:35PM
I thought the original post was about a charity benefit. Why else would they hold the event? I think this second post is even funnier than the first. UBS publicity people are too thin-skinned.
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Apr 24, 2008 9:26PM
Boo fucking hoo.
UBS carries a gaggle of boring people on bad cocaine.