In a post yesterday re Ian “Oyster Boy” Roncoroni, you might have detected a slight attitude on our part. See, on Wednesday, we sent OB a cheese steak from Delmonico’s to say “thanks for the page views” his feat of eating 244 Oysters in an hour at Ulysses got us. By Thursday afternoon, we’d heard nary a whisper of appreciation from Roncon. His lack of gratitude really rubbed us the wrong way, and we expressed the simmering anger we were feeling toward him while also introducing a new treat for you: THE SANDWICH FAIRY. The original purpose of TSF, in which we will send a delicious sandwich to randomly selected analysts/associates/traders/ceos/fund managers of our choosing several times a week starting in May, was two-fold. 1. To show you idiots how much we love you 2. To measure just how egregious Oyster Boy’s lack of a response was, relative to his Street brethren. We also offered him a choice—get back to us with a demonstration of gratefulness, or die. Last night, we received this:
From: Ian Roncoroni
To: tips at dealbreaker at com
Date: Thu, 24 Apr 2008 22:14:53 -0400
Subject: thank you!
Thank you, dealbreaker, for the cheesesteak. i actually tried to thank you as soon as it came, but when i clicked the “email” button, it didn’t forward me to the right spot. maybe if i had been more than a hack in the financial services, or gotten into Princeton for more than my ability to dance around a mat, i couldve figured it out! (or, should i go with the “i was too busy tipping him with my ten dollars cash instead of putting it on your credit card to write a thank you” excuse?) At any rate, i really did appreciate the cheesesteak! I wasn’t hungry in the least, but i figured, in the spirit of the article, i had to choke it down. (yes, like man butter.) THANK YOU, dealbreaker.
You chose wisely, OB. And your decision comes with benefits, for all. First, for you: ‘member that death threat we directed your way? We’ve decided to drop it. Second, for everyone else: Ian’s appreciation has inspired us to up the ante. Moving forward, each special delivery from TSF will also include a bottle of Champale and a copy of Penthouse (or similarly themed publication). All of Wall Street has OB to thank for the additional largesse. And, Oyster Boy, we’re sorry you won’t be receiving the tasty malt beverage and a quality spank rag, but somehow we suspect your apartment is stocked already.
The first recipient of our delicious generosity will be commenter “Lowly Assistant,” who more than deserves a treat on account of his sob story about having to hike all the way to Union Square to pick up sandwiches for his superiors, and transport them back, via subway and not cab, to Broad Street. Lowly, if you’re listening—get in touch so we can make the necessary arrangements.
The rest of you: know someone who you think deserves a visit from The Sandwich Fairy? Send your nominations to tips at dealbreaker dot com. And by deserving, we mean it both ways. First, for quintessential Wall Street scuzzbuckets, deserving in the ironical way; and second, for the genuine salt of the earth individuals on Wall Street who make this country great and truly deserve a Sammy/champale/porn goodie bag. There must be thousands of the former, and five or six of the latter.
I think the Sandwich Fairy should deliver some hot meat to Mr. Pink and GAnalYst. However, I think they might like a ‘different’ mag.
Where is Thadius R. Rogers, Purveyor of Cold Cuts/Evaluator of Talent, and his offer hot hot meat sandwiches?
“BuffSwinger” was a great magazine in the 1970s.
A mortgage securitization originator at Bear Stearns pulls into Reno after two months on the road. He stops at a brothel, grabs his bags and walks inside. At the counter, he pulls out $3500 and tells the madam that he wants the fattest, ugliest woman she’s got and a bologna sandwich with hot sauce. The madam tells him for $3500 he can get her most beautiful girl and a steak dinner. The trucker says, ‘Lady, I ain’t horny and I ain’t hungry. I’m just really homesick.’
Ooh, naughty, naughty girl Bess!
To offer our gents a bottle of …champale!
From Wikipedia: “Live a little on very little”,[2] the drink was pitched as a ‘poor man’s champagne’. And that ad linked in the text, that ad!
As part of my ongoing charitable efforts for the less fortunate in the community, I am happy to offer hot meat sandwiches to all hot young unemployed investment banking girls. Just bring your good-looking female friends and we’ll all enjoy a hot sandwich. I can’t promise you all a foot long, but trust me – you will enjoy devouring your tasty treat better than Subway or Blimpie or any deli can ever deliver.
Thadius R. Rogers
Financier/Evaluator of Talent
And speaking of charity:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080425/lf_nm_life/usa_harvard_dc
Bess, please send some hot meat over to Muffie along with the latest Penthouse and a bottle of your best Champale. Girl needs something.
I’m so thrilled for Lowly Assistant! I read his funny post last night about bringing back the sandwiches in his backpack on the subway, and I just felt bad for the guy. I was the commenter who asked him why he hadn’t taken a taxi back.
He really deserves this honor! Enjoy your cheese steak in good health, my friend.
I read about David Rockefeller’s $100 million gift to Harvard last night. It’s nice that a school with a $35 billion endowment is getting a little extra cash.
I nominate Thadius R. Rogers to receive a cheesesteak. He is truly the salt of the earth, and has been willing to share his saltiness with the neediest of Wall Street’s unfortunate denizens. For that, he deserves lunch on DB.
Although I appreciate the gesture, please refrain from sending me a cheesesteak sandwich. I must agree, my good (missionary) deeds and monetary (money shot) gifts deserve recognition but not of the the steak and cheese filled bun kind. I truly deserve to appreciate and taste the salty goodness of Bess’ loins. Please deliver Bess Levin to my desk, after hours, so I may fully get behind her and show her how much I appreciate DB thinking of me.
Thadius R. Rogers
Hot Beef Injector/Evaluator of Talent
Rogers/Hahn ’08!
shit send me a cheesesteak!
-mrp
Carl’s on Chambers is much closer to the Financial District and 10x better than 99 Miles as far as I’m concerned. Killer fries, too.
The only thing I’m interested in is a Shackburger, concrete and fries delivered to my desk. Can DB send someone (perhaps Lowly Assistant) to stand in line and bring it up to my office? You won’t have to take a subway, because I’m right across the park.
Hot Carl?
A “Hot Carl” is a prison phrase that Mr. Snipes will soon learn.
I’ve been sending my assistant to Philly for cheesesteaks. Give him an insulated bag a la Domino’s and they keep nicely on the Acela. Except the Wiz – the Wiz coagulates over time, so get American or Provolone.
If yr gonna send a mag, make it “Freshmen”. But mags are so passe. On line porn is so much better. GAnalYst
GAnalyst– agreed, but how would you put that in a gift basket? should it be a DVD?
good point. If its gotta be a DVD, get them something from Fratmen.com. Still though, that would be second best. corbinfisher.com is tops and they don’t do DVDs. I’m not the creative sort (BF is, I’m the numbers guy), but I do have friends that could probably figure a way to convey a gift subscription – one month, unlimited access – as part of some type of gift basket. Personally, I would like it paired with a bottle of hendricks, some good olives, small bottle of vermouth (too dry a martini is silly) and, to show you really care, some good lube. GAnalYst