Muffie Benson-Perella (muffie AT dealbreaker.com) was an Associate in the Investment Banking Division of a “Bulge Bracket” bank. She holds a B.A. in French and Art from Vassar College and an M.B.A. from Harvard Business School. She concentrated in Contemporary French Poetry at prep school where she was awarded the exclusive premiership of the school’s “French Club.” Today, Ms. Benson-Perella is the Founder and Managing Director of “Muffie on Markets” (http://www.muffmarkets.com), a deep dive into capital markets, finance and investment strategy. She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for non-existent, prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy.
10. His boyish charm has nothing to do with money. (We'll have to work on the salt-and-pepper hair thing though).
9. He's outstanding at pressuring our dry cleaners to pay for the ruined Valentino and institute an immediate receipt buy-back plan.
8. Won't ever be allowed in a Target during the relationship. (We didn't need a reason, but its nice to have the rule in place).
7. Cleaning up the Cayman Island's shells requires a trip to the Cayman Islands.
6. Two words: Jewish Sympathy.
5. His half-day experience working at McDonald's as part of his research into the firm is actually good job security.
4. Harvard University.
3. Harvard Business School.
2. I can see myself in those blue eyes.
and...
1. Maybe Dan Loeb will finally notice us.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:13PM
I'm out standing in my field, too.
-LaVerle Crunk, Iowa corn farmer
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:13PM
Carney - Don't leave
Posted by BruceWayne , Apr 02, 2008 4:14PM
I was just wondering what ever happened to Dan Loeb. He has been quiet lately.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:17PM
Muffie,
Shut your fucking trap and get naked. No one here actually takes you seriously unless your naked.
Matt
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:22PM
Who the hell is this muffie chick. That was about as funny as a colonoscopy.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:27PM
You obviously didn't get the memo which is the reason why this media whore puts her self promoting bio on everything she writes when she isn't managing the $34.57 MuffCap has under management.
She's cute, I'll give her that, but I agree with $ 4:17 but go one better; I wouldn't take her seriously without a pole in her mouth.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:28PM
Ah, only at Dealbreaker is Muffie considered cute, Ivanka considered not even fuckable.
Posted by ab , Apr 02, 2008 4:29PM
how long is Carney going to be gone? my days will soon get much longer.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:29PM
Muffie, why did you go to Vassar instead of a good school like Harvard?
In your time at HBS, did the other students look down on you for your poor undergrad pedigree?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:30PM
@ 4:28
re Ivanka, I think it has something to do with her perceived lilly white "you want me to to put that in my mouth" attitude. Just a hunch.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:31PM
Why couldn't we get Keith Hahn as a temporary editor while Carney is away?
I assume he was asked, and declined ...
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:34PM
This would be so much more interesting if Muffie and Bess would turn on a webcam and jump on top of each other. As with most women, Muffie is better seen than heard (or read).
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:34PM
4.30, you mean unlike Muffie? Does she give you the "would love to put that in my mouth" vibe?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:36PM
Muffie, weren't you fired by DB when you no longer had any Gold Man Sack gossip to offer?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:36PM
Come on... Is she for real? The tagline on her site is "Dive into the Muff!" and the promotion of HBS is over the top. One of her posts is "Muff’s Initial Penetration"...I chalk this up to a Deal Breaker Alter Ego.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:38PM
@ 4:34
Point given, I'm sure Muffie has the same atitude. My commentary was really directed at all of the commenters on the Ivanka post who are jerking off under there desks.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:40PM
This Muffie person is no EP, that's for sure. This was painfully unfunny, the kind of shit you expect to see on CollegeHumor.
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Apr 02, 2008 4:42PM
Not trying to get everyone's panties in an uproar, but: "She is also the Founder and Managing Director of Muff Cap, LLC., an invitation only, private investment vehicle for non-existent, prestigious and accredited investors only, employing an actively managed, long-short strategy." There's a hyphenated word in there that might be of interest.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:46PM
Seriously, Muffie shut your hole. Another stupid broad who probably lives off of her parents hyphenated name and thinks everyone gives two shakes what she has to say. If she has a boyfriend hes prob suicidal from listenin to this retard.
Posted by Anal_yst , Apr 02, 2008 4:47PM
idiocy runs rampant in these here comments, sigh...
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:48PM
@4:34 - where does EP fit into the Muffie-Bess scenario? I NEED TO KNOW
Posted by ESguru , Apr 02, 2008 4:51PM
Lowly, some people are just morons.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:51PM
@Anal I'm pretty sure they run Muffie columns just for the opportunity to laugh at some of the commenters
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:53PM
Amazing... a blogger even less interesting than Sykes!
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:56PM
@Anal - I don't care if Muffie is non-existent, she still needs to be taken out back and shot.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:56PM
@ 4:51
Maybe everyones laughing at you and your obvious defense of Muffie?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 4:58PM
I'd take investing advice from Tinsley Mortimer before I listened to this half wit. Her e-mail exchange with Sykes was like two retards fighting over a tennis ball.
Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella , Apr 02, 2008 5:04PM
First of all, for your information, MuffCap, LLC was up 5.5% for the month of March. I'm certain most of the people here don't run their own fund and so I am pretty sure jealousy is driving a lot of these comments.
As for the people dumping on Vassar, that's really just absurd.
Finally, Tim Sykes happens to be a close friend. He is badly misunderstood but I don't expect the state school authors here to understand him or his genius. (He is a little self-promiting sometimes, but you just have to get used to it).
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:04PM
@ 4:56, everyone laughs at how anal_yst posts 25 comments every day.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:06PM
This wasn't a very interesting or funny post -- my reaction is who cares? I find the whole "Muffie" shtick hard to take. Girls who focus on French in East Coast prep schools and fret over ruined Valentinos at the dry cleaners are throwing whatever intelligence they have away. I think the word for them is "frivolous."
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:06PM
Honey please, don't make me laugh. Without Daddys money you are nothing, nathan, nada. I run a desk at a "Bulge Bracket", I would own you head to head so to speak. Why dont you go shoe shopping or somethng you are good at you empty headed twit.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:07PM
BruceWayne, Loeb isn't quiet. Go check the Edgar, he just bought a junk of Maguire Properties.
As for the rest of you clowns, who haven't been paying attention over the last 2 years, Muffie is a fictitious character created by DB's founder Elizabeth Spiers. I suppose in your defense, she hasn't been used in a long time -- and as this post exemplifies she shouldn't be used again.
Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella , Apr 02, 2008 5:08PM
>>Muffie is a fictitious character created by DB's founder Elizabeth Spiers.<<
That's absurd. Elizabeth doesn't even work at DB anymore.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:08PM
This is the worst post I have ever read on this site.
Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella , Apr 02, 2008 5:09PM
>>This is the worst post I have ever read on this site.<<
That's absurd.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:09PM
Muffie,
Tim Sykes is self promoting??? What do you consider yourself? Why do you always insist on leading off with that obnoxious description of yourself and your pathetic little endeavours?
Do you actually think we take you or MuffCap seriously? OK, so let's give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were up 5.5% in March, does that mean you have more than $50 under management?
By the way, what self respecting woman calls herself Muffie regardless of what her parents named her?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:13PM
Well, whoever is inhabiting the "Muffie" persona and wherever he or she went to school should grasp that "self-promiting" is spelled "self-promoting."
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Apr 02, 2008 5:18PM
Muffie,
You're absolutely wonderful. Don't let them take the wind from your sails. Your blue eyes hold a brilliant hue, and for that I'd trust you with my everything and more. Godspeed!
Ahoy,
me
Posted by Anal_yst , Apr 02, 2008 5:19PM
@ 5:04
25 times, eh? So thats the kinda math skills they're teaching at vo-tech these days eh? No wonder kids in Mogadishu (sp?) are dominating our kids on standardized tests...
Posted by gatekeeper , Apr 02, 2008 5:20PM
reading the muff post: eh, but I'll never get back the 2 minutes from going through these comments.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:22PM
>>I run a desk at a "Bulge Bracket", I would own you head to head so to speak.<<
You probably run a janitorial desk.
The Muff Cap trade of Lehman Brothers is one of the most prescient market calls I've seen this year.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:23PM
Anal: don't listen to him. You're one of the things we love about DB.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:25PM
i think most of you have had the muff pulled over your eyes. this from the NYT...
DealBreaker operates on the idea that Wall Street types are at least as worthy of mockery as the media types Gawker makes fun of, or the politicians Wonkette takes on. The content bears this out. On his new CNBC talk show, Michael Eisner shows himself to be ''a charisma black hole,'' Ms. Spiers wrote. ''On a scale of one to charismatic, Eisner is a negative 10 Clintons. It's painful.'' Wall Street may be hungry for such material -- at least the busy comments sections seems to indicate that. Some of the most popular posts, in terms of reader comments, are written by ''Muffie Benson-Perella,'' an obnoxious, deliciously fictional columnist who wields her credentials and whose name and bio manage to make fun of about half a dozen people and institutions in fewer than 70 words
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:26PM
@ Lowly-- why are you writing a love letter to a fictional character? or was that a joke? i'm slow today.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:26PM
It's pretty funny watching some of the commenters get into a heated debate with a fictitious character.
The fact that some of you people are actually (possibly?) in charge of handling other people's money? Not quite so reassuring...
Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella , Apr 02, 2008 5:30PM
I sued the NYT after that article, but they refused to publish a retraction. The litigation continues.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:37PM
Yes Muffie, Ms. Spiers is no longer with DB, and has anyone else noticed that since Spiers' departure, the Muffie column has lost its fun factor?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:40PM
Of course she's fake. A real Muffie would never marry someone whose last name ends in a vowel.
Posted by Muffie Benson-Perella , Apr 02, 2008 5:42PM
I'm single, dingbat.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:44PM
I've seen this Muffie chick's work before.
Bulge Bracket?...The only bulge she knows is the bulge she sees in a muff-diver's pants when she lifts her legs.
I've been looking for an opportunity to use that.
The Guy from Delaware
Posted by I am a Dude , Apr 02, 2008 5:50PM
want to go out?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 5:59PM
5:42 Even more reason. A Perella (mom's name?) would never spawn a Muffie.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:00PM
Muffie...You I've heard of.
That Bill Ackman guy, Who is he?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:01PM
Muffice isn't real and neither is Bess Levin.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:02PM
Google Bess Levin Amherst and you'll see she's real.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:32PM
No one's real. That's existentialism. (did I spell that right?)
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:36PM
John Carney isn't real either. Do you actually think an Ivy League law graduate would be writing this blog?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:39PM
I'm glad someone posted the New York Times article about Muffie's fantastical nature. Every time I read her bio, I felt like throwing up. All for nothing; I was one of those fooled.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:44PM
6:02, I took your advice, and learned Bess is a music pirate and she was once a BU student...
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:50PM
@ 6:02, she had a friendster profile, just taken down.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:51PM
Just goes to show:
"You can lead a whore to Vassar, but you can't make her think."
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:53PM
Ok real girls aren't going to call their company Muff Cap. You know what it means right? We're subjected to enough male crudity (some of it we like) so we'd avoid that. If we were real. If it were our business/hedge fund/hat shop. Muff shop?
and she runs her LLC for non-existent investors....
Most investors I know tend to exist.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 6:57PM
she's on facebook
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 7:13PM
everybody's on facebook. (except me) if I was to create a fictional person I should put her on facebook for validity, ya?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 7:47PM
God I hope the retard comments are from tourists working for First Tennessee in Nashville and not real Wall Streeters. Or else we've found the great hidden explanation of the credit crisis.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 8:06PM
How do I know that any of you are real, and not just comment bots set up for my amusement?
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 8:26PM
dang, you caught me. -- was I at least amusing? -- bot girl
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 9:01PM
I would fuck anything right now.
-1st year IB analyst
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 9:14PM
@ 1st year IB analyst - OK --- (note NSFW)
http://www.realdoll.com/
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 9:14PM
really? GAnalYst
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 10:03PM
no 747, the credit crisis has been brought to you by 'real wall streeters', congrats.
Posted by guest , Apr 02, 2008 10:24PM
Muffie is probably a fucktard...but I'd still fuck her. I love Vassar girls.
the MD
Posted by miami , Apr 03, 2008 12:16AM
LEH trade is shaping up to be the trade of 2008, MBP! Excellent, cogent analysis.
Do you think the economy would be better off with a Paulson rescue, or should we let those who grasped far too vainly for undeserved riches go under?
Posted by guest , Apr 03, 2008 6:52AM
From her website referenced above:
"I used to think that being a generalist was a good idea, since it is hard to come up with investment ideas, and I wanted to have the most opportunities available to me without annoying restrictions. For my entire life I have found restrictions annoying and burdensome. But recently, I’ve realized that I have a deep expertise in financial services, particularly given my experience in the area."
Love it.
Posted by guest , Apr 03, 2008 7:16AM
The LEH trade was as obvious as the fact that this chicks head is as empty as Jim Caynes office right now. Its becoming clearer to me day by day that the people on this site have no idea how to trade, lots of analysts or sideline guys and no real players. Still good entertainment though, funny comments.
Posted by guest , Apr 03, 2008 7:54AM
It appears Muffie is not nearly as popular as she used to be with this crowd.
Best,
Master of the Obvious
Posted by guest , Apr 03, 2008 6:44PM
If Muffie's future posts include a headshot they should be labeled NSFW. She's so hot and I get boners easily and they are hard to hide in thin wool pants.
Posted by guest , Apr 04, 2008 10:16AM
Muffie looks like a 4 year old
but I guess if you like that, to each his own...
Posted by guest , Apr 04, 2008 10:19AM
yeah the widows peak, squinty eyes, crooked smile, and bulbous nose really turn me on too.
Posted by guest , Apr 04, 2008 4:46PM
Is Muffie really a 3-holer?