I don’t know if any of the recently unemployed out there were tossing around the idea of starting hedge funds out of their parents’ basements but Jane Buchan, CEO of Pacific Alternative Asset Management, says you can forget about that. Because You. Will. Fail. Speaking at the Reuters Hedge Fund and PE Summit yesterday, Buchan stated the obvious, which is that no qualified investors are going to give you any money. To illustrate the point**, she asked for a volunteer from the audience to come up to the front of the room and role play with her. Buchnan played the role of the guy looking for bills, and some kid named Dave played the qualified investor on the other line, whose job was to pretend to slam down an imaginary phone.
Buchan: “Hi, I’m trying to raise some money for a hedge fund because I just got shitcanned from Citi. I have no track record ‘cept the record I set for number of times broken into Vikram’s executive bathroom to relieve myself. Ten times. He caught me on that last one, which is how I got fired, and would explain why I’m calling you. Nine figure minimum. Hello?”
Hedge Funds’ Lure Still Hot But Success Uncertain [Reuters via NYT]
**NB: This scenario happened in our heads only, and did not actually occur at the conference.
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You can always take some money you got in your package and do what the piker Sykes does, essentially flipping over couch cushions and looking for quarters.
Is EP still around? Or did she go on holiday to Bankok with Blarney?
On the brigfht side, you can take some of your severance and do what Sykes does, which is essentially flipping over couch cushions and looking for quarters
Cody could do it. Cody IS!
I will fund any hot, young, BSC females who want to start their own hedge fund by investing $500 to start. If you can provide references from other customers that show that you are a performer and are willing to do whatever it takes to succeed, then perhaps we should meet. If you’re interested, I know a number of excellent hotels we can meet at. However, due to my hectic schedule, I can only meet you between 11:00 pm and 2:00 am. Call me.
Skip Aroo
Thadius?
Oh, so we should pass on our inst. investors to Jane so she could manage their money? Good idea Jane..
now u tell me!
Boy those 11:06 comments never get old, do they.
technical difficulties?
@11:06 – Good work!
$500 investment? You’ve identified the problem. Hedge funds were initially designed for wealthy, sophisticated investors but much recent fraud and practice has involved investors that are not “qualified”, but merely represent the fact that hedge funds are bottom fishing for new capital among the unsophisticated. It’s all a farce, abetted by the SEC and politically connected.
$500 investment? You’ve identified the problem. Hedge funds were initially designed for wealthy, sophisticated investors but much recent fraud and practice has involved investors that are not “qualified”, but merely represent the fact that hedge funds are bottom fishing for new capital among the unsophisticated. It’s all a farce, abetted by the SEC and politically connected.