Citi Absolutely Not Kidding Around Anymore

Posted by girl, May 07, 2008 10:13AM

GET IT DONE was infintely more ballerific

Posted by Sledgehammer, May 07, 2008 10:19AM

they might be up all night but that doesn't mean that they ever get any shit done over there

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:20AM

The Captain of the Cornelia Marie never sleeps and he's got crabs.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:30AM

I'm sure that shiny new slogan will turn things around... What a shit show.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:31AM

I think"We don't lose Money, We print It" would have been better. Or "Citi Never Stops Mis-Managing Risk and losing Billions, Screwing Over Our Employees and Investors"

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:34AM

Asked for comment on Citi's 'new' slogan, Lloyd Blankfein stated "I pretty much sleep like a baby. Probably at least 8 hours of sleep every night. On 1200 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Matter of fact, most of my colleagues get a fair amount of sleep. I also shower two or three times a week before I go to the office. Oh, and clean shirts. Tell the crew at Citi to also try clean shirts."

Posted by bank_teller, May 07, 2008 10:35AM

Can I get a side order of "vision" with those cheeze fries?

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:38AM

10:19 - True that.

Posted by Capt Obvious, May 07, 2008 10:39AM

how about this for C's slogan 'in times of turmoil, we stand out, for terribleness'

or .. 'defying expectations, you thought $30 was our basement'

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:42AM

How about "Citi, 95% of the time we are on the right side of a trade, but boy, that other 5%, thats a kick in the balls"

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:49AM

Can they just officially change their name to shitty and have appropriate slogan.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:52AM

When I don't sleep, I talk loudly, hallucinate and I can't pay attention, while insisting everything is fine.
Et tu, Citi?

Posted by Capt Obvious, May 07, 2008 10:52AM

how about 'Citi - as agile as a glacier'

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 10:57AM

I believe "Citi Never Sleeps" captures our organization's relentless commitment and boundless energy to lose money in more than 100 countries, our lack of global strategy, and our long-standing reputation
as a global leader in fucking everything up

Posted by merkin capital partners, May 07, 2008 11:01AM

what about "citi neva closes!"..fuck that katz's deli guy.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 11:02AM

"Citi, at least we aren't UBS."

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 11:19AM

"Citi, 95% of the time we are on the right side of a trade, but boy, that other 5%, thats a kick in the balls"

'Citi - as agile as a glacier'

oh my God you guys are priceless

Posted by Investorcluzo, May 07, 2008 11:22AM

I couldn't sleep either if I had 300,000 employees and still couldn't make money. where is the master of the obvious when you need him?

btw, did they pay someone good money to come up with at that nonsense?

Posted by Sledgehammer, May 07, 2008 11:26AM

A few suggestions on the new slogan:

- Citi: It is no coincidence it rhymes with shitty

- Citi: We fuck up more shit before 10am than most people do in a lifetime

- The Sancho Panza of finance

- Silencing the opposition by indisputable fuckups

- We cannot find your ass with both hands and a flashlight

Posted by CNote, May 07, 2008 11:31AM

"Citi - we're insomniacs. Do you really want us anywhere near your money?"

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:11PM

I'm waiting for the commercials with Vik setting at a desk at 3:00 AM interlaced with images of little kids sleeping a la Hillary's commercial.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:13PM

as in 'money never sleeps' borrowed from Wall Street...

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:15PM

hey Vik, can I get a loan for my mba?

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:15PM

I have to admit I am loving this, I never met a Citi trader who wasnt a total douchebag and thought they were Gordon Gekko

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:18PM

C: It's not just our ticker symbol, but it's our credit rating as well.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:31PM

This is part of a conspiracy on Vik's part to employ more people in his homeland during the evening here when its daytime over there. If only they could find a way to outsource all of those douchebag traders' jobs.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:32PM

BRING BACK SANDY!

Posted by mrpink, May 07, 2008 12:45PM

lol this is hilarious...

Vodka and Tonics anyone? On my back patio now..

-mrp

Posted by Capt Obvious, May 07, 2008 12:56PM

Citi - we suck - but at least Alwaleed and ADIA are getting screwed

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 12:56PM

Translated into Japanese the new slogan would read "Lose much sleep with Citi."

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 1:40PM

What an ironic slogan "Citi never sleeps" is -- allot of Citi people were obviously asleep at the wheel in order to bring the company down to its current precarious state. Maybe the new slogan should have been "Citi - where narcolepsy, bravado, internal politics, red tape, and arrogance rule."

Posted by StupidEquityGuy, May 07, 2008 2:10PM

Mr P,

Am on the wrong coast, but hoist one for me...

Maybe it is time to do some shots at the desk though...

~SEG

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 2:15PM

@SEG--do your investors know that you, publicly, endorse drinking at work during trading hours??

you're an idiot

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 2:19PM

@2:15 You are a complete douchebag. Were you just let go because all the layoffs have allowed Citi to downsize the janitorial staff?

You must be the only retard on this board who took SEG's comment literally. Try to keep up.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 2:20PM

What makes me laugh is the fact that Wall St firms are so predictable. Everyone piles into the same trade. Its clear from everything that Ive read that some of these traders didn't even know what they were buying. Does Pandit know that he now owns like 40K abandoned homes all over the country?? Im sure Jimmy Cayne doesnt know, he couldnt find his arse with both hands and a magnifying glass.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 2:22PM

@2.19--If I'am a complete douchebag, what are you an incomplete douchebag? A returned douchebag? Leaking douchebag?

seg is one of the bigger clowns around here and a poser as well. If you run anything, and encourage drinking at work, you're more than an idiot - you're well on the way to being unemployed. I hope the two of you enjoy drinking on the unemployment line.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 2:50PM

@2:22

Just for the record I run my own manufacturing company and have nothing to do with WS although I used to manage money for a wealthy Palm Beach FL based family. I got out and laugh at you and half of the bozos on this board, SEG being one of the exceptions. Think about, you and your colleagues are responsible for a huge loss in wealth and the collapse of a 90+ year old firm with tens of billions in enterprise value yet you laugh at the rest of the world that actually produces something and makes a profit. Just goes to show you how fucked up you are.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:02PM

@2.50--I celebrate that bear collapsed. never liked the firm or the people who worked there.

As for you working in some sweatshop, I doubt you know the difference between a tool maker and a dildo.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:08PM

@3:02

I'm sending you Hooked on Phonics because you apparently have a difficult time with the English language. I don't work in a sweatshop. My office is high above the manufacturing floor and I spend half of my time in an airplane. No, not the flying buses you are accustomed to but a Beechjet 400A with my companies logo on the tail just below the registration number that contains my initials.

I have little fucks like you calling me every (my secretary screens you losers very well) day begging to take us public so you can make a fee. Fuck you, put me on your do not call list.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:17PM

Wait a minute. SEG runs his own shop and is doing fine. I'm sure he was making a little joke. (Did you know that Mr. P. lost his job yesterday? I'm sure SEG was just being companionable.) I don't find SEG to be a "clown" or a "poser." (Did you mean poseur? He's not that either.)

As to "piling on trades," why would Vikram Pandit and Jimmy Cayne own anything in common, let alone 40,000 abandoned houses? That makes absolutely no sense. For one thing, Jimmy Cayne sold his stock and is out of the business.

Probably very few of the commenters on this thread had anything to do with the collapse of Bear Stearns. No one's laughing at those in the world that produce something and make a profit.

Celebrating the collapse of Bear Stearns is a minority view. A lot of people have friends and colleagues who work or worked there, and no one's happy to see the loss of the jobs.

Everyone went haywire for a moment. Get a grip.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:23PM

@3:17, you are an idiot. Im not saying they themselves own them, the companies they run or ran do. Read between the lines j-off

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:26PM

Citi (IBD analysts) never sleep

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:36PM

@3:02 & 3:17

It only takes two doctors' signatures to have you committed. Keep it up and I'll send the authorities over to yank you out of your cube and place you in your new home, a circular room with padded walls.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:39PM

@ 3:23

Wow, you have some anger management issues.

~m

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:48PM

@3.08- Like I said you dont know anything about trading, investing or manufacturing. You sound like a little bitch who went to Colby on Mommy's dime and couldnt find a supermarket unless there was beer in it.

I dont call losers like you, I avoid them and take pleasure in knowing your little fantasy will evaporate when mommy's cash runs out.

hahahaha...in advance about your life

Posted by mrpink, May 07, 2008 3:48PM

SEG is cool.. And who gives a flying fuck if he drinks? Jimmy Cayne smoked pot, the traders in the pits in Chicago drink at 10AM, 30 mins after open (at least at the cbot)..

If you call the shots and make the dough, I guess you can do anything.

It was a JOKE. C'mon guys, lighten up a bit.

I'm really missing the CBOT days.........

-mrp, never sleeps.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 3:53PM

@3:48

I'm completely self made. Yes, M&D did very well but everything I have is my own.

Never went to Colby and I have my housekeepers do the shopping. Sorry you have to stop at the Korean grocer on your way home to your studio, that must suck.

The money won't run out, we're having a record year and we have long term contracts that guarantee times will only get better.

Most importantly, since I own my own company, I don't take orders (like you), I give them. Get back to work before I call your boss and have you canned. Your firm is looking for people to cut and I'll make sure your head is next.

Posted by diablo, May 07, 2008 3:56PM

guest@3:53

Timmy? Is that you?

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 4:00PM

@3:53, you are a jerkoff. Where are you from, some horse Manure factory masquerading as a town in Missouri or Ohio?? What do you manufacture besides tall tales of your supposed wealth. Watch your mouth before I buy that little factory of yours, smack your pop and take your mom back to my studio for a little "How's your Father"

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 4:01PM

No diablo, read the previous guest posts obviously posted by me and you should quickly realize it isn't Timmy. Try to keep up.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 4:04PM

@4:00 Loser! @3:53 as much as I'm enjoying the spanking you are giving the little fuck I think you should stop feeding the trolls.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 4:08PM

@4:00 I'm in Denver, CO. Go ahead, rip on it. I'm not worried, you couldn't afford to buy us even if I was a seller. Keep dialing for dollars, I'll sit back and relax knowing capitalism rewards the owners of capital and I continue to make money even if I take the next month off.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 4:16PM

4:08 - just as an observation, I don't know too many self made men that have great lives, but spend their times anonymously bragging about their exploits on the internet. Your posts reek of insecurity.

Posted by Anal_yst, May 07, 2008 4:17PM

I love Guest VS Guest, its like Spy VS Spy except alot less mature/interesting/funny/etc.

Posted by guest, May 07, 2008 4:24PM

I posted @3:17pm. Why should I read between the lines to make a comment comprehensible when the writer doesn't make an effort to make some sense?

The post @2:20pm asked if "Pandit knew that he now owns 40K abandoned houses ..." and that the commenter was sure "Jimmy Cayne doesn't know ..." You implied that the same set of "facts" applied to both persons. I just pointed out a couple of the absurdities of your statement. I'm sure that if Citigroup has the title to foreclosed houses, they have managers who know about it. Likewise, if Bear Stearns had the title to foreclosed houses, they had managers who knew about it.

Your threat about using mental health laws to have the authorities pull me out of my cubicle is completely ludicrous for a nearly infinite variety of reasons. Commitment takes some proof of danger to self or others and a person who is in jeopardy of commitment gets an evidentiary hearing.

Commitments certainly don't take place because an irrational person on the internet thinks they should.

For your information, I don't work in a cubicle. I work in an airy, comfortable, private office. The last thing I am ever going to worry about is the likelihood of "authorities" pulling me out of here on a mental health warrant.

I could resort to obscenities and tell you what to do with your mad fantasies, but I'll stick to my basic message: calm down.

Posted by StupidEquityGuy, May 07, 2008 4:57PM

Wow,

Interesting day... a couple of data points...

I don't drink on the job... I do joke about it... in 4 years of being a PM, I have had drinks during market hours about twice... both times after lunch NYC time. I have a trading desk in house and a GS one else where... if I need to have decisions made in the market... its rare that I actually push the buttons any more...

I would not think twice about joking with Mr P about hotboxing my Carrera but due to some features it has, it would take some serious kilo's worth of marley to work...

http://www.finest.ru/eng/images/porsche.jpg

Some of my clients do in fact know that I joke about drinking on the job... as I had to share todays thread for laughs...

Now I need to get back to writing the monthly letter explaining what happened last month. The good news is that today was a 300+ bps move compared to my indexes... I am green on the month and ended the last Q green.

Best,

~SEG

Who maybe an idiot, but I have been fired/laid off/ ect in an earlier life and I know its not any fun. I happen to like Mr P's sense of humor and I am bummed that "Wild Thing" might be too drunk to remember to post here as often as he did.

Posted by diablo, May 07, 2008 5:23PM

With so many guests posting here, DB has now become the new benchmark for sockpuppetry. I swear I read Timmy above but it was just another "guest", yeah right.

Carney, get the IT kid to give us a clue of who these guests are as long as they refuse to take on an id.

Posted by guest, May 10, 2008 1:51PM

Hey - I tried getting and ID, but you need a URL. Something's wack with this site. Can't figure out how to get a 'handle"
Maybe I'm not techie enough? Rather not be a guest.

Posted by diablo, May 10, 2008 4:02PM

I didn't need a URL (Website) to get an id. I'm not sure why you say so. If in doubt, just type

http://

Otherwise Carney has to fire the IT kid.