Listen, we talk a lot of shit about Citi here, and I highly doubt that’s going to stop any time soon. But let’s just all agree that the C’s got a new contrarian indicator and she’s telling us to buy. Big time. And that contrarian indicator is: Meredith Whitney. Crazy? Yes. Implausible? No. Here’s why.

As she’s wont to do, Whitney recently offered what can be interpreted as largely negative statements about Citi, following the bank’s announcement that it promises to begin realizing its “enormous potential.” She even upped the ante a bit, moving from “you will suck until you do exactly what I tell you to do” to “you will suck no matter what you do so just give up and die.”

Specifically, Whitney said today that CEO Vikram Pandit faces “an impossible feat” in trying to turn the diversified whorehouse into a profitable company. Not surprisingly, Mistress Meredith recommended that investors sell their shares, noting that “they don’t have the revenue power [and] they don’t have the earnings power in so many of their businesses.” She also took issue with the lack of details in Vikram’s Friday morning presentation, entitled, “Locating The User Manual To This Bitch." All valid, if not predictable, points. Whitney lost us, however, when she started in with the jokes.

“Even Stephen Hawking could not pull this off,” she said. And that’s true—Stephen Hawking, who to our knowledge has never attempted to underwrite any subprime debt, probably couldn’t singlehandedly turn that dump into something resembling a solvent company. It’s just slightly disconcerting when your most vociferous critic, who’s supposed to be offering reasoned, sober analysis is playing to the Borscht belt. She might as well have said, “Even Chuck Norris could not pull this off.” (In fact, if yuks are her new schtick, she should have gone with Chuck Norris.) Anyway my point is that while we will continue to be unrelenting in our mockery of Shittygroup, you should take this as a sign to back up the truck and buy this bitch. And reserve your seats from Meredith’s debut at the Laugh Factory’s monthly open mic night pronto.

Citi's Pandit Faces `Impossible Feat,' Whitney Says [Bloomberg]