It’s almost summer and you know what that means—DealBreaker is looking for one or two lucky individuals to be our interns and, if you play your cards right, it might just be you. Basically, it boils down to willingness for, nay a passion to excel at, picking up Carney’s dry cleaning. Are you man enough for the job? If not, please seek alternative employment via the DB Career Center. For those of you up to the task, read on.
This internship– we’re actually pretty flex on what it entails and what we’re looking for. You should probably have a vague interest in finance, perhaps some writing experience, and tendency to approach the line of breaking the law without actually crossing it (or not involving us if you do—I do not have bail money). It would be nice if you had a sense of humor and felt good about ghost writing some stuff for us on the days when it’s too nice out to do much beyond sit on the roof deck but, again, not required in the least, as your superior talents would probably be fun for us at first but ultimately lead to massive depression and abject self-loathing.
The position(s) is open to the college-aged or over. If you recently had your weekdays cleared, do not hesitate to get in touch. In fact, should you be interested, we’re thinking about starting a new column called “My Summer o’ Severance,” wherein you, our very special intern, will have the opportunity to regale the crowd with stories of how great it is to have the freedom to hang while everyone’s at the office, or to talk shit about your former employer, anonymously or not anonymously, completely up to you.
So. Anyone who wants to get a piece of this should email us posthaste at bess at dealbreaker dot com with the subject line, “Yes! I am interested in having the most kick ass summer ever, or an only mildly painful one at best.”
In the eternal words of the wise Admiral Ackbar, “It’s a trap!”
Since I print money, I dont lose it, Carney can pick up my Aston Martin at the garage promptly at 4:05 every Thursday so I can get out to the crib in East Hampton in a timely fashion.
Jeff Martz, this prestigious internship could be yours.
I don’t care about the job. Can I just interview with Bess?
Is that Bess in the picture?
You mean the whale in the ocean?
@2:18– you’re a dumbass.
yeah, and that’s carney on the laptop.
Q: Do straight people ever really have sex in that position? That is, without the woman first donning a strap-on? GAnalYst
GAnalyst, they’re not having sex, she’s just giving him a massage.
You mean her legs are spread, her virginia is humping his ass and its not sex? I know its been a long time, but I’ve clearly lost touch. GAnalYst
I believe she’s actually trying to tear him away from writing stories about high costs of rice or when he should be fripped over and enjoying a nice thai soap massage.
I think you should, just for f&ck’s sake, give the ol’ hetero thing a try ona these days GAnalYst, just to refresh your memory ya know, since it seems you’ve been away for a very, very long time.
that’s actually a picture of keith hahn and myrna moss.
It’ll be like DeadliestCatch…because at the end of your voyage, you too will have a crab count.
-Sig
haha priceless Sig
Job description includes warming some primo seats at T&J’s, right? I’m in.
Dearest Elizabeth:
Why don’t you post all resumes up for us to vote on? Readers get to choose the intern!
This is possibly the best idea I’ve had all day. And no, I’m not a former UBS employee.
I’m really upset that my “readers choose the intern” idea has fallen flat. I was really pumped about it.
Oh well, at least I didn’t fuck up the sandwich order today. So I’ve got that going for me.