The U.S. Marshals Service is still hot on the trail of Sam Israel III, the convicted former hedge fund manger who no one believes committed suicide. A wanted poster from last week noted that the industry's biggest M*A*S*H fan has two tattoos, one on his left arm and one on his hip. Today brings word that the arm ink is that of a bird, though it doesn't say what kind. Those of you on (fake) suicide watch, however, will recall that Israel's business card also had a bird on it. Not being ordained ornithologists ourselves, at the time, we guessed it was a pelican. Oh how wrong we were. Luckily, one of you dabbles in bird porn and did not give us a free pass. To the guy who dressed me down with the comment, "egret [bitch]...it's an egret...[get it fucking right, you stupid whore]," please come forward and dazzle us with further displays of your intellectual plumage. Completely sincerely: you are (intentionally or unintentionally) the funniest person on this thing. I just wanted to tell you that. Moving on.
Putting two and two together, we feel confident the bird tattoo on Israel's arm is that of an e to the gret, which he clearly fetishizes. But what in god's name is the tattoo on his hip? What is so deviant that it needs to be concealed from the public? We have some good leads, but we and the U.S. Marshals would like your input. So:
Wanted by the U.S. Marshals: Samuel Israel III [U.S. Marshals Office]
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 2:37PM
It could also be a blue heron. Christ, am I the only one that hunts these things?...geez
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 2:44PM
Bess you do realize the dude who posted the egret remark WAS Mr. Israel 3.
He's reading this shit from his submarine right now and hes much too smart to fall for your clever ruse. So you better stop snitchin...Bess
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 2:44PM
who the hell hunts blue herons and egrets?
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 2:45PM
Hello?
The bird is an IBIS! I can't believe no one knows this.
The ibis is the last to leave a hurricane and the first to come back. Makes sense.
Posted by FUNdamental , Jun 17, 2008 2:48PM
@237 - I mused it may be a heron on the first post, however since I didn't cuss out bess, no credit given.
But the hidden tatoo - I'm guessing it's a copy of the plan seth tobias used...(What too soon?)
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 2:50PM
Sam Israel's 2nd tattoo isn't on his hip. It's on his belly button. See picture below.
http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/120436.html
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 2:54PM
"geez" is what you consider to be cussing out bess? have you ever read anything she writes? "geez" is maybe the most polite thing she has ever written!
i think she can handle it.
Posted by HAM05 , Jun 17, 2008 2:57PM
is birdfucking possible? dont birds have cloacas??
someone PLEASE advise
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jun 17, 2008 2:57PM
Does everyone have a lazy eye, pink eye, or patched eye? To this naked eye, it's surely a madagascar heron (ardea humbloti). You can tell by the beak and tuft of feathers jutting from it's back.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:00PM
"egret [bitch]...it's an egret...[get it fucking right, you stupid whore],"
Geez, don't you get it. It's Sam Israel commenting on your blog. Who else would react so violently to such an error on your part.
I recommend you call the FBI, "inadvertently" call him Sam Iran, watch him go ballistc in another post and track his postng location down.
Hey is there any reward money for this?
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:01PM
No, it's an ibis, you can tell because it's his business card logo and that "the Ibis was renowned in antiquity for self-administering an enema to clear blockage by inserting its beak into its cloaca and injecting a spray of water."
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:11PM
How about a booby, woodcock or titmouse? Maybe a woodcock between two boobies?
-BeckyBootFan
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:13PM
@ 2:44
herons are delicious when marinated in the blood of investors
mmmwwwwahahaha
Posted by Master of None , Jun 17, 2008 3:23PM
The bird on the card is a pelican, which is the state bird of Louisiana.
The pelican, like the Fleurs de Lis, is a popular symbol for New Orleanians to get tattooed on them when they're drunk.
I know because my girlfriend wants one on her wrist. Sigh.
Whoever said Ibis needs to look at a picture of one. Also, it's an Egyptian symbol.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:23PM
Red-chested nutscratcher?
Posted by FUNdamental , Jun 17, 2008 3:26PM
A woodpecker and a swallow?
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:27PM
If you are basing it off of physical resemblance, it's a crane. Ibis is too short as is the beak for a pelican.
Posted by mrpink , Jun 17, 2008 3:30PM
slow market today fellas?
:)
-mrp
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:32PM
its a bluejay
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:34PM
turkey and a turkey
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:38PM
blue bottomed grundle whiffer - once thought extinct but recently found flourishing in the east village.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:40PM
Your revolution is over, Mr. Pink. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:42PM
Isn't it obvious this guy is going to Israel, where there is no extradition with the United States. Israel has this law on their books, supposedly against anti-semitic motivated crime. Yes, all these jews who are convicted of crimes leading to prison time are pursued because they are jewish and not because they are just aweful human beings. Well, if Samuel Israel moves to Israel, he'll be in good company with a great bunch of people.
Posted by mrpink , Jun 17, 2008 3:54PM
Guest @ 3:40:
Before you make a gross understatement:
I got a job.
Peace
-mrp
Posted by mrpink , Jun 17, 2008 3:54PM
Guest @ 3:40:
Before you make a gross misstatement:
I got a job.
Peace
-mrp
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 3:58PM
My apologies mrp. Congrats!
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:01PM
Congratulations, Mr. P! Are you relocating to Chicago?
Posted by StupidEquityGuy , Jun 17, 2008 4:06PM
Mr P,
Welcome back to the trouble makers society... I hope you enjoyed your paid vacation.
What kind of "Trouble" will you be getting into?
~SEG
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:09PM
@Mr. P, pls don't tell us you're leaving NYC???
Posted by mrpink , Jun 17, 2008 4:13PM
Yes, I'll be moving to Chicago, so chances are when I visit NYC (which I will at least twice to 3x a month, especially for the DB gatherings) you'll see a slow progression of me getting bigger. Mmm pizza and steak.
I was amazed at how much apartment I could get for $1500/mo. I am scoping out a killer 3br place with backyard (pool in the rear) in the Lakeview area.. It will be nice to have some space and a party pad.
SEG - not much trouble.. actually, probably about the same.
We should do a DB drinkfest before I go, probably before Jul 1.
I'm going to throw my vote into the hat... Egret. ROFL
-mrp
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:19PM
Heron
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:22PM
An Egret is a Heron. And the only way to settle whether its a Crane or a Heron is if the bastard was flying (neck stretched out vs. pulled back)
Posted by miami , Jun 17, 2008 4:22PM
Israel, Brazil, several Caribbean nations and some in Central America.
Blame it on Rio.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:27PM
Every Egret is a Heron. But no Herons are Egrets? I'm confused.
Bird brained
Posted by redpandot , Jun 17, 2008 4:35PM
No way is that a pelican...
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:53PM
its and R and en egret
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:53PM
its and R and an egret
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 4:55PM
That there is a '87 Ford F-150.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 5:05PM
It was me, seriously. I didn't know I would get a whole story about my silly little post. This made my day. Thanks.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 5:07PM
Give it up on the going to Israel thing. Israel will gladly cough up a wanted man if its rich, protective Uncle Sam says to do so. Meyer Lansky tried it too. Didn't work.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 5:22PM
Yellow-bellied buttcracker?
Butterscotch nutsucker?
Bowlegged teabagger?
Nubian cockfluffer?
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 5:42PM
Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen...
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 5:46PM
Ice Cube (in song): rightttt...
Posted by mrpink , Jun 17, 2008 6:00PM
Spacedocker.
Posted by Investorcluzo , Jun 17, 2008 6:22PM
@mrp - belated congrats. I do believe bessy should be working carny over to get an appropriate send off (and welcome party for the newest chi-town poster). let's see, for spitzer's send off we went to his corner...perhaps, girl or blndebnker could over a suggestion. btw, how's the shake shack scene treating you?
Posted by Cincinnatus C , Jun 17, 2008 6:25PM
its a kentucky fried chicken.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 6:26PM
if he tries to head to Israel and claim automatic right of citizenship, he may sincerely regret making his protestations of his Christian faith to the sentencing judge, in an attempt to seek leniency.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 8:11PM
Looks like a big barnyard chicken to me.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 8:31PM
Yeah, if he goes to Israel now, they'll probably give him some land and build him a home on some disputed settlement to make him a full Israeli citizen. Israel has a long history of not extraditing well-known criminals, like heads of the Russian mafias (which are probably more Jewish than Russian). Why is anyone surprised that Israel condone criminals. Just look at their elite politicians, all of them have been accused of blatant corruption or war crimes(Netanyahu, Olmert, Sharon etc) yet Israeli continue to believe they are good and decent human beings overall.
Posted by Onegin , Jun 17, 2008 9:44PM
8:31 - Israel's history is about 60 years, dipshit. That's not very long. The good thing about Israel, though, is they have a lot less douchebag back office blue bottomed grundle whiffers.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 9:47PM
It's not a good time for Israel to be bucking the U.S. government over a high profile fugitive.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 10:02PM
I have a PHD in Botany (the study of birds)I can say with certainty that is an Eurasian Eagle Owl.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 10:27PM
botany is the scientific study of plant life.
Posted by guest , Jun 17, 2008 10:53PM
@9:44 and @10:02
These late nights are getting to me, I'm in hysterics after reading those.
Class(y)/(ics)
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2008 12:19AM
Certainly egret fans would be aware of the best place on earth to be a fugitive and bird watcher, ie, the tri-border region of Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil, a place so lawless none of the three governments bother to collect taxes and where Hezbollah goes when it needs to get away from the comparatively meddlesome Syrian and Iranian regimes. Some of the most famous and relevant local birds are the garza blanca, the garza mora, the garza bruja (white, moorish, and witch egrets). His alias will be Garza or Garcia, which he will get away with, look in a phone book in the neighborhood of Ga-. He might get greedy and call himself Candido Garcia, Merlin Garza, or possibly Othello Garcia, and then they will catch him.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2008 12:55AM
Nice post, @12:19 am. I think that region is the best for long term fugitives, and certainly a guy named Israel from New Orleans can become a South American Garza or Garcia. I don't think they have a stringent ID program there.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2008 8:53AM
@ 5:46
It wasn't ice cube that said that, and he definitely wasn't in song. It was Chris Tucker (Smokey) and it was from Friday. Get it right or pay the price...
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2008 9:57AM
@8:53,
Maybe you should rewind your VHS before you run your mouth. Before Chris Tucker finishes the statement with a "niggggaaa!," Ice Cube says, "Riggght!" I will not pay any price.
Posted by guest , Jun 18, 2008 10:02AM
@8:53,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkpGBiSck20
Posted by guest , Jun 19, 2008 5:39PM
10:27:
Are you saying it's a picture of a plant???
You might be right, a cranberry.
Little known fact, the cranberry was originally called a craneberry because the blossom, which eventually becomes the fruit, resembles a crane.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:51PM
Jackal! Is it a jackal? Jackal! Jackal! It's a jackal! Jackal? Jackal! Is it a jackal?