Citi first-years got numbers this morning and they’re “so bad” that everyone’s been granted a ten minute nap under their desk plus five minutes of alone time in the “jerk off and cry” room. 1st tier got 65, 2nd got 53, 3rd got 25. Our tipster was unsure about the remaing two levels though we’ve got our guesses. Fourth tier’s prize is one of those gigantic coupon books. Fifth tier’s prize is you’re fired.
You might be asking yourselves, Why are there full episodes of a seminal television show at the end of each post? Well, last night I was agonizing about how suicidal our readers must be over the market being down three percent and bonuses being an 1/8th of what they were last year and thought, what can I do to cheer them up? Herewith, please enjoy these entire episodes of Alf, on me.
Bess, would you like to be my sugar momma?
anyone remember the 2003 bonuses? $25K for first tier (with $50K base). get some perspective people. We’re still obscenely overpaid.
Wait? There are people left to get the bonus.
let’s get a lil perspective here… third tier first year 22 year olds are making close to 100k for being solidly average in the past year of “call india for the comps, control paste special into pitch book, eat $25 dollar dinner, wait for associate to make inane formatting comments, cab home at 10, race to be the not the first, not the last one in the office around 945ish.” As people are getting canned around the street for the ineptitude of people 23 levels higher, these guys (and that one girl) should be glad that they have a job to pay for their Bubby’s brunch that they are all crying around.
2003 was a year that lacked the massive inflation we are suffering from today pal.
On another note, those numbers are 25% down from last year. Pretty bad, but not terrible, and almost in line with the market expectation that bonuses will be down 20%.
I’ll take that one girl, provided she hasn’t put on the pounds yet.
This is going to sound snotty though it’s not intended to but, who can live on $50k base??
Yet is the key word there.
Yo momma. I have her on retainer.
@ 12:26
You’ve clearly never worked in banking.
@12:27- who are you talking about?
Tough COLA adjustment. 50k in NYC is not appealing.
What bank gets bailed out after the close today? IMB?
@12:31 (II) Talking about 12:26.
$50k anywhere in the tri-state area is not appealing. I guess for being right out of school that’s pretty good but good lord. How do people drink and shop on that kind of budget?
@blnde – some teacher with tenure somewhere is jotting down an angry response about how great unions are and how easy it is to live on that (while commuting from east stroudsberg, PA).
how are these possible? Im fresh out of a Chicago MBA and made 95k / 30k / 10k to start. So my first year I make 135k and some 21yr old punk out of college at Citi is breaking 100k?
@12:31
3 years at bulge bracket
sorry to burst your bubble… the reality is that despite the numbers being down YoY, on an absolute basis, they are pretty rock solid. Take a step back from the blackberry, get the foot off the pedal of the binding machine, loosen the hermes tie, work on that resume and get out of there if it is so unacceptable…
BL you are the biggest yente ever!
@13:39 Loser. Maybe you should have gone to a better school.
@12:39 HAHA
@FUN – I’m fairly certain you’re right. My sister the teacher is probably the actual one writing the letter.
@KLW – I applaud you, sir. I must not be as stealth in my personal money management skills. Make no mistake, my first job paid me $38k but I was living in a MUCH cheaper market and even still I was scraping it together. May I ask what you’re doing (in general terms of course)?
yenta: A person, especially a woman, who is meddlesome or gossipy.
38k? I’ve always pictured blnde as the stripper-type (Appalachian), but 38K is way too low.
Deal Breaker = Only good for killing time on Fridays. You people need to get a life.
@blndbebnker– it’s entirely possible, if you’re not doing the horrifically lame bottle service and if you’re not saving much money, which is the case for most people in their early 20s anyway.
who cares what 1st year analysts make?
by the way, let me tell you guys how this will play out. next year, your bonus will be even lower, there will be no 3rd year, no PE or hedge fund jobs, and business school will be impossible to get into. then you will have to go with your tail between your legs back to ohio and try to use your “skills” in corporate america.
@12:49PM- says the jackass not only reading dealbreaker but posting comments.
@ 12:26
You sound like someone who either never worked in banking or is a bottom tier associate that is jealous b/c an analyst is making more than him
@12:49pm – Good to know should I at some point fall victim to the market. Bottle service is the worst idea ever. I will gladly drink from bottles other have purchased but I never would be so stupid to as actually pay for one.
12:23 your “We’re extremely overpaid” comment is clearly a mistake on your part for including yourself in the group, because no one on the street claims they are overpaid.
Let’s do math. 80 hrs/week * 50 weeks = 4000 hrs worked, $100,000/4000 = $25/hour. Plumbers make $75.
I hope to see all bonuses, across-the-board, everywhere on Wall St cut to zero. Bonus means “for a job well done and beyond expectations.” Wall St gets an F- for the “well done” part and for the losses “way beyond expectations” part too.
You want bonuses?
@blnde – yeah my best friend is a teacher as well, he and I go back and forth about this all the time.
And when it comes to living on 50k, it’s one of those things that when you’re making 50k, seems obvious and easy, your life is built around your means. Not even just bottle service or some equally douchey time waster, but where you go to dinner, vacation, etc etc. But then you look at the single parents with 3 kids on 50k a year and really have no idea how they do it.
@12:26
Right on point. The bonus alone exceeds average household income.
Game plan for large bonus is:
1) Always pretend to be busy, a good strategy is to always have incomplete spreadsheet running and using Alt-Tab to pull it up if someone comes by.
2) Always tell everyone how much you work, time spent surfing the web and working out at gym, so long as it is during the day, counts as work time.
3) Never disagree or argue with anyone, even if they are wrong. This one is extremely important.
So much for a meritocracy.
@KY (12:55)
1. There are no bright young things in publishing.
2. You are a retard, ALL cannot be luckier than MOST.
3. Stay in middle-america (douche-land).
@FUN – My sister and I don’t so much go back and forth as she expresses wonder and jealousy about how much I get paid and I lament how woefully underpaid teachers are. But then again, people that went into teaching never went into it for the money.
Yeah I give all kinds of respect to someone who is raising a family on something like that. It makes me crazy that the poverty line for a family of four is actually BELOW that. It’s unreal.
@12:51
relax buddy… I am sure you deserve every penny you make. seriously. between salary, bonus, signing and expense fraud, I am sure the folks at *insert second tier bank name here* are doing right by you. Besides, we wouldn’t want the massage parlor girls to go hungry just because your bonus got cut…
teachers also have time in the summer to find ways to supplement income .. their jobs also reward the soul (compensation in itself).. christ I’m depressed now .. wall street has jumped the shark
@12:58 Actually we do want the massage parlor girs to go hungry. For some reason they tend to gain weight after a couple months on the job.
Does anyone in here work in banking? I thought those people were busy and couldn’t blog all day?
I work at a non-profit art gallery. I just come here to watch you people vent at each other…
bankers are the biggest douches in new york. and guess what – you don’t even make good money anymore! ha!
how does it feel to work 100 hours a week for nothing, douchebags?
why are losers like 1:05 even in here? This is a site for bankers you Fuck. Why don’t you run along now and get my dry cleaning. My DV shirts need to be pressed.
@12:58-wordsmith,
It’s wonderful that you excel in logic; however, “all” can be construed as contextually correct. Furthermore, your attention to detail is quite off this afternoon, particularly when suggesting the potentional shortcomings of another. It’s KLW, not Kentucky.
@1:03 That’s why they pay you so little, you moron.
1. ALL, as applied, its a fallacy. You fucktard cannot understand what does mean because you have an extra chromosome.
2. All CAN be… is even more retarded.
3. All of us who are in New York are be luckier than most people, who don’t… doesn’t even make grammatical sense.
4. Go back to the South red-neck.
What people never mention or factor into this discussion is expense accounts. Other people actually have to pay for food and the likes. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t expense dinner whether I was at work or not as long as it’s within the delivery zone of the office. That amounts to a lot of added money not factored into base or bonuses.
1:05 here
awww, someone doesn’t likey what I say! how terrible. perhaps you are upset by your terrible pay and job prospects? face it, you make peanuts, work all the time, and then talk to your buddies about how awesome you are because you blew $1K at scores last night.
oh, and for your information, I work about 50 hours a week and make 7 figures. but sure, I’d be happy to help you out with your dry cleaning – I’m sure you don’t have time to pick it up.
now get cracking on those pitchbooks!
@blnde – This could become an all day discussion, the only thing that everyone agrees is that status quo sucks.
@1258 – keep on crushin ‘em bro.
@1:09 KY as in the lubricant…
@110 – hey blnde, proof the education system is broken!
1. ALL, as applied, [its] a fallacy. You fucktard cannot understand [what does mean] (grammar FAIL) because you have an [extra chromosome] – Science FAIL.
@FUN – I feel like I started shit that didn’t need to be started. Good to see KLW defending herself though. I was going to jump to her defense against that other dick but she is doing a-okay. And I have to say that if I’m living status quo, I’m pretty grateful for it in my particular case. It def sucks for almost everyone else. We are a lucky bunch.
Oh man Fun… Good looking out. My sister and your friend would hang their heads in collective sadness. And the worst part is that there is a good chance that this douchebag, judging by the heir of entitlement and superiority, makes more than the both of them.
man, i never thought i’d say this, but i think i’m all dealbreaker’d out for a little while. only bess can save me now…
these comment sections are degenerating into the same bllsht drivel on Leveragedsellout
How can so many starve in a land of such plenty?
1:11 you’re a clown. Anyone really making 7 figures wouldn’t be so bitter as to find the motivation to jump on a blog site geared towards junior bankers simply to enjoy watching other people suffer. You are probably some douchebag from a no name school who was not motivated enough, intelligent enough, or connected enough to land a job in i-banking. Now don’t make me tell you again, RUN ALONG AND PICK UP MY DRY CLEANING OR NO TIP FOR YOU!
@FUNdamental. Actually, the additional chromosome reference is valid. You should know which pair applies to KLW.
@blnde, FUN, KLW, douche guest @1:22
What is this the born-again formum?
@Mathmatician — Plumbers provide a valuable service.
@KLW – I try!
@123 – yes a person can have an extra chromosome, but it only results in a serious issue 10% of the time. If you’re going to name call, something with a higher hit rate is probably in order.
@ KLW
Whenever shit like this breaks out you hafta just bite your lip and watch the carnage, its just not worth even attempting to enter into anything resembling a reasonable “discussion” here. We’ve entered the land of the douch and the bitch, the land of the sweeping over-generalization (on every side), and theres no getting out once you open your mouth.
@122 – speaking of douchebags…
I wonder how many boardrooms are abuzz with chatter about, “do we lay off more douchebags or do we go to a soverign wealth fund so we can increase our liquidity?” Are they even thinking about bonuses for douchebags?
BTW, @12:50(#1) is right. Next year will be even worse for the douchebags.
1:22 – you really told me! sorry to break it to you, but I am a former banker, now in asset management. oh and I also went to an ivy league school (not like that proves anything, so did plenty of dimwits). I left because I wanted to make better money and have more free time (both of which I now do), and because the work itself was mind-numbingly boring.
the fact is that bankers are some of the least intelligent and creative people around. if you think banking is challenging, then you are really an idiot. I could teach a 10 year old to build a merger model.
and you are arrogant to boot – your stupid “dry cleaning” comment is exactly the reason that bankers have such a poor reputation.
by the way, you should probably be nicer to me, since you’ll probably be sending me your resume soon.
have a nice day!
@anal @blnde – i’ll take this opportunity to tribute to the late great george carlin. “think about how stupid the average person is….then consider that half the people are dumber than that.”
@FUN, not to get involved, but most trisomy (having an extra chromosome) babies get miscarried in the first semester. I think the 10% figure you’re quoting is for Down syndrome, which is only one particular chromosome.
Yeah, I’m a nerd. Bite me.
Good tribute.
Can you believe that Bear Stearns analysts are getting JPM top bucket #s?! I work at JPM and had to actually work the months of March-June…BSC=BS!
Can you believe that Bear Stearns analysts are getting JPM top bucket #s?! I work at JPM and had to actually work the months of March-June…BSC=BS!
Can you believe that Bear Stearns analysts are getting JPM top bucket #s?! I work at JPM and had to actually work the months of March-June…BSC=BS!
FUN @12:31 You are confusing cause with effect.
Can you believe that Bear Stearns analysts are getting JPM top bucket #s?! I work at JPM and had to actually work the months of March-June…BSC=BS!
Can you believe that Bear Stearns analysts are getting JPM top bucket #s?! I work at JPM and had to actually work the months of March-June…BSC=BS!
Yeah, we can believe. 3 times in fact.
5 actually…but that is BS, my buddy called and told me that, i almost fell off my chair…they are getting paid more than us at citi who worked all year
Wow 5x? Chill the fuck out dude.
they should get mayonnaise as a bonus
@FUN, 1:38, 1:39. And given Down syndrome (which in the case of KLW and blnde has already been proven) ~100% is caused by an extra chromosome 21 (or part of an extra chromosome).
Wish you luck if you decide to have kids in the future.
Okay SERIOUSLY what is with this mayo business?
mayo is stronger than the dollar these days
golf clap for @1:11 and again at 1:36
lol.
A: Pick up my dry cleaning, I’m rich.
B: No you’re not. You went to a crappy school. Pick up my dry cleaning.
A: How dare you tell me to pick up your dry cleaning? That is immature!
@1:47pm – Oh! Hit us where it hurts! Call us mentally challenged! Good one, hoss. You are so CLEARLY better than everyone else. Go back to printing money, sunshine.
klw is a girl? and i’m back. . . .
@blnde. Sunshine… Are you a tranny?
Blnde and KLW seem to really have struck up a rapport, Bess maybe you should set these two up on a nice date, perhaps in a trendy Manhattan hotel?
mayo is life. without we will die
@1:47, seriously? The best you can do is call us retards? What is this, the inner-city playground next to your school? If you can’t say anything wittier, I’m going to have to ask you to shut up now.
Mayo is the new MHL
mayo just put a bid on AB
@138 – excellent point, and you’re right i was quoting the DS number. Since the guests intial comment was directed at KLW, and KLW was born I was going with the DS number.
@147 – good point…i’ll go slow so you can keep up: of the population we’re discussing, those with extra chromo…oh screw it, you won’t be able to follow along anyway.
This string is a waste. Stools.
@1:57 Poor FUN, doesn’t even get it. Missing a couple of synapsis? And that’s why logic cannot be taught.
While I can’t prove it, I doubt @1:05 makes 7 figures, primarily because anyone who makes 7 figures probably has other things to do than post on DB.
I make 8 figures and post on this site.
I like mayo.
Artie Help
@blnde – excellent use of “hoss”