The other day we asked you to please, for the love of god, start coming up with some food challenges for your interns (or selves) to compete in, the purposes of which would be amusement for all, a good use of your time, and an effective way of establishing rank. While we love the initiative exhibited by Bank of America this morning, the overall execution of their mission left something to be desired. I’m going to tell you about it now so that we can learn from BoA’s mistakes (which might date back to HR’s intern screening process) and strive to do better in next time (though, as I think you’ll soon agree, it would be damn near impossible to do worse).
Last evening, a bunch of analysts from one group decided that their two interns would compete in an Egg McMuffin eating challenge. It wasn’t until about an hour later that one of the plebes spoke up and said he would “get sick” if he ate eggs, so extra cheese was added in their place. This was a harbinger of the lamery that was to come.
This morning the interns were each given five McMuffins to race to complete, with a maximum of thirty minutes to finish. This proved too difficult. They were then granted an extra ten minutes. Again, failure. Finally, it was decided that the first to successfully ingest four would win.
Are you ready for what the winning time was? I mean, really ready? ‘Cause unless you’ve got a vomit bag, I don’t think you’re adequately prepared.
FIFTY MINUTES. It took the “winner” FIFTY MINUTES to eat FOUR NON-EGG McMuffins. Pretty much makes you want to vom, doesn’t it? You’re in good company, because according to one of the overseers of the event, the “winner” just asked if he could go throw up. He was told that he loses if he does. Meaning that the other intern who ATE THREE McMUFFINS AND THEN GAVE UP would be declared the winner.
Honestly, I don’t even really know what to say here. I’m sure your mouths are equally agape, as they well should be. Five Egg McMuffins is not hard. Five Egg McMuffins is child’s play. Five Egg McMuffins constitutes a pre-breakfast appetizer for Oyster Boy.
But I don’t want to be too hard on the kids. I’ll leave that to their superior who noted, “It was abysmal. I’m actually embarrassed to be associated with [the thing]…”
Okay. Moving forward, when we do this, let’s really do this. The problem here today is not that the interns failed, but that they failed at a challenge you and I both know could be accomplished by even those without the steeliest of stomachs. These contests don’t need to be crazy or out of the box (though of course that would be welcome), but they do need to be made marginally difficult by either a. sheer volume or b. disgustingness. Yeah, someone could get hurt, but someone could also, ever after, be known as the ‘tern who funneled a gallon of milk laced with pickle juice in a record-setting time of ten minutes thirty seven seconds and who earned the on-air praise of Charlie Gasparino. Bigger risk, bigger reward and all that shit. Now get out there and eat 5 32-ounce bowls of mayonnaise as fast as you can. CG’s waiting to break the story.
I weep for today’s youth.
what a pathetic showing.
this is a sad commentary on Gens X, Y, and now Z. we’ve sissified you kids long enough. Hungover, I can do five McMuffins and about as many beers in 30 minutes. Your parents (which could be me) are ashamed of you.
– Commodities Desk
- born in Eisenhower’s administration.
Eisen-who?
Fuck you, kid.
Somewhere, Lewis Ranieri is weeping too.
BoA = Pansies. This would be hard if they had to drink a quart of milk between each one.
haha……now BoA, as an institution, allows hazing to occur. I can only hope the office is IDed and this kid sues them. BoA will write a check for years on this type of shit.
Or, some cop reads this and calls ‘em up and mentions that hazing, harassment, abuse or humiliation with requirements to perform random acts, is considered a criminal act in most places.
Nice job ..
I think this is an appropriate time to use the term “Bag of Assholes” in reference to these interns.
@ 12:57
Respect.
What high school locker did boa let these kids out of? And what college do these kids attend that this sort of hackneyed “accomplishment” is considered…well an accomplishment. Will commenter terry please step forward and explain some details around this snoozefest and not allow bess to look like the chump that decided to pursue this story?
Would have been better to see if the homeless guy on the corner could out eat both of these disasters in 50 mins…
Sam Israel’s girl apparently helped him pack his time machine:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/19/hedge.fund.arrest/index.html
Somebody must’ve gotten fed up with BofA last night and hurled something through the plate glass window facing 6th Ave.
/wasn’t me.
//i lie my egg mcmuffins
Somebody must’ve gotten fed up with BofA last night and hurled something through the plate glass window facing 6th Ave.
/wasn’t me.
//i like my egg mcmuffins
What occurred between last night and this morning to destroy their form ? I suspect these interns to have been bright enough to stay up all night practicing chomping Egg McMuffins.
I interned at BoA a long time ago, and hazing was definitely part of the curriculum. The whole floor became a frathouse as soon as the last MD checked out. Either one of these bitches would be immediately staffed on comps for the next 48 hours straight if they did this.
@ FUN– I offered this as a cautionary tale. I’m trying to stop shit like this from happening again.
The word is ‘initiative’
I know he’s probably busy in Washington Sq. Park digging out a cigar to stuff that good shit in, but I’d challenge Cayne to a McGriddle-off any motherfucking day of the week. Mc-riddle me that!
I can attest, there is a lot of hazing that occurs at BofA. This mcmuffin incident isn’t by far the worst that goes on there once internships start.
@LA–How about a McGriddle-off between Cayne, O’Neal and Prince? Winner gets a newly-vacated analyst position at Bearpont Morgan.
@ 12:57 Commodities desk here too. My 105lb AA laughs at these punjabs as do all the others on this morally hazardous desk.
Laugh at midwesterners all you want, but when it comes to being fat asses, my two Okie analysts will bury you BoA…hear that? Bury you!
-Nominate me
These losers should be fired on the spot. F’ing tools. I work in B/O (god kill me) and even some of the poorly dressed, state-schooled slobs here could do that.
-disgruntled B/O employee
Enough with the serious “hazing” talk. They were eating breakfast sandwiches, no trying to max on on black tar heroine.
Chill the F out people.
-Nom me
@bess – we the generally entertained appreciate your vigilance and anti-asshatery in this matter.
are (some of) you seriously crying about “hazing”? it’s not hazing if the participants are willing. was it hazing during your frat days? and challenges like this happen AT EVERY BANK.
What kind of person is allergic to eggs? Strip this individual of their H1B Visa and put him back on the raft to whereever it was he came from.
i don’t think he meant that he was actually allergic to eggs, just that eating them would hurt his stomach?
@1:17,
I don’t know…risky business. Stan and Jimmy have those portly fingers to work with. No dice on the crunching of numbers all day. Now if they had a smoke-off (winner gets position as side-kick to that pipe-seller in Union Square), I’d have to say it would be a tight race. Would they be working with a grav or a carved-out apple?
Wow…I’m dissappointed to even have one of my chekcing accounts with BoA
You tell ‘em guys!
It’s not hazing until you’re getting sodomized while simultaneously doing a keg stand and professing your love to your frattastic brosephers.
these kids are softer than an old man’s dick
OMG – Rosarios downtown is closing!!!!!!! How did I just find this out?????????
Wow..All I can say is… Wow.
-mrp
“Free Cioffi 2008″
@ girl
You can’t haze/rape/teabag/etc the willing
Seriously I eat this much for breakfast on a daily basis. What sissy little nancy school did they find these unsufferabe little whimps at?
Enough of the soft Ivies…. hire some non-Ivies and you’ll see some serious eating contests and trading guts.
Drinking Game:
Every losing trade = keg stand
Every winning trade = 2 keg stands
Winner for the day = Sweaty Mexican shot (tobasco & tequila)
New Challenge/Haze…
Toe licking…
Get these guys to lick each others feet…separate the men from the boys!!
I agree with Anal_yst
Shit, 3-4 of those little egg mc muffins?
2-3 hash browns.. mmmm
Wash it down with a big cup of sweet tea…
They are wimps if they can’t do this.
-mrp
Now we know the real reason BoA is overpaying for CFC – a chance to upgrade their interns.
Angelo could probably eat 5 McMuffins (with the eggs!) during his morning tanning session.
Seriously, they couldn’t do 5 in 40 minutes? WTF?
This is grounds for dismissal.
I have serious crohns disease and can do 5 in 5 minutes.
Where the hell did they find these two – “vegans r us” ?
Angelo’s crocodile skin eats 5 a day just to sustain it’s otherworldly glow
As a BOA employee I am ashamed. I remember back in the day a challenge of 60 mcnuggest in 30 minutes was blown by a 1st year and his MD was pissed because he was sure the kid threw it for a portion of the winning bet…
i would get sick after eating one egg mcmuffin, but i sure could win that black tar heroin thing…
Bess–If you’re sincere about ending this behavior, do the right thing and call BoA and ask for their written policy and comments on this type of behavior. Then call the local DA and ask them how they feel about it.
When no one calls you back by 4PM, call the NY Post and let them handle it. It’ll be on page 1 tomorrow.
@1.38 — if you do that and have crohns, you’re truly an idiot
@last word – ya really got to lighten up…
where are all the male foot fetish dudes today?
“When no one calls you back by 4PM”– bitter much?
and why would she want BoA’s written policy on this, which is most certainly, “this is not allowed,” when she’s not trying to end challenges, just end lame, failed ones?–stupid much?
@1.48–if you’re proud of this stuff, why wouldnt you want it highlighted for the world to see?
scared your Mommy would call and spank you??
@redpandot
This is not a laughing matter. My family was driven from our ancestral home by investment bankers who tried to force us to eat breakfast sandwiches.
@1:53 but did they ever try to force you to suck their toes???
@last word – because some soccer mom will get all bent out of shape (similar to your panzie reaction)
Not everything needs to be a public referendum on decency. Just let darwin’s theory keep hard at work – relax and enjoy the show!
GK south? winning times posted up north have been printing inside of 12:50
im having our interns fuck each other in the ass to see who can last the longest. quickest to make liquid romance loses. winners from each heat have to bang one another. first one to cry wins.
@Fun–I’m willing to bet there would be more folks upset than just some soccer moms.
Just because someone hazed you, doesnt mean you need to continue the tradition. Its a different world and frat boy games just dont work anymore.
I would hope if any of you rise beyond 1st years, you would have a higher standard than this.
Do these interns squat when they pee? That might explain it…
Agree with 1:57.
If you want decent you are at the wrong website and in the wrong industry.
@ last word – is it? It is called fortitude. Have Crohns disease is not an excuse. When i was a 1st year had a piece of my gut removed on a Saturday, out of the hospiatl 5 days later, back at work on Monday. Eating 5 Egg McMuffins in 5 minutes ain’t even a real challenge….now the 60 Mcnuggets that is a challange. If the kid threw the outcome because it padded his pocket he must be an MD at Golman right now!
Put a piece of bacon from Lugar’s on each one of those EggMcMotherF’rs. That’d up the ante a bit.
-BeckyBootFan
wow last word’s mom definitely came and got him early from summer camp because he pissed himself and the other kids taped him to the bed. You were (are) the back office of children.
I’m truly curious now why you’re all so OK with this type of poor behavior. Please I’m happy to listen. And if its so OK, you should be glad to see it on the front page of the post. oh wait, you’re all a bit scared if a grownup sees it, they’ll fire your asses.
@2.09-Youre truly an idiot. Using meds to counteract poor behavior is plain stupid. Read the side-effects of what you take and report back. Chop, chop
@ Last Word
You are a pussy (no offence to women, you know I
pussies
From 2:09 – WTF i never said anything about meds. I don’t use meds to counteract poor behavior. If you knew anything about Crohn’s you would know that meds don’t “cure” what i have. They only treat the symptoms. Getting a piece of gut removed also removes the need for meds. Ran a marathon 6ms after i had that piece out. But thanks for commenting all the same. Demonstrates that you are a real tool.
Chop Chop back to HR cuz clearly you have never been in a bull pen or a trading pit!!
@last – I’ve never been hazed…I’ve taken part in group building activities!
But you can take you love of all woodland creatures great and small, and delicate sensibilities, and go give yourself a swirlie to save us the trouble?
Relax the butt cheeks a little bit…or you might end up interning for Ham and having them relaxed for you! Heyyy ooooo
@ 2:09 – he believed he threw the challenge because he dominated the first 40 in about 15 minutes. I understand you slow down, but it was fishy… I heard it impacted his bonus, but that’s probably bs. The whole thing was broadcast from the internal webcam that showed the trading floor. There was a lot of scratch riding on that one.
Wall Street eats its young.
wait WHAT??? Rosario’s is closing???? Where else are fin districters to get 7 pounds of deliciously oily pasta for
@ Last Word et al…get over it. And we all heard the “Don’t do anything you don’t want on the front page of the NYT” back when we first got hired. You are not puking pearls of wisdom, so stop. We heard it, and not for the first time the 100th time you typed it.
I’m sorry you find “horseplay” to be vaguely threatening, but unfortunately for you, Wall Street is one of the few places in America where not everyone is 100% feminized & emasculated, and aggression/initiative is rewarded, along with not being too full of yourself. Oh, and on occasion there’s some accountability, as in if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it, but if you do it, don’t cry about it. So stop “protecting” the kids, they’re big boys.
Is this a douchebag cultural thing? I dont get it. It just seems retarded.
An egg McMuffin only has 300 calories. Eating five is just a big meal.
Equivalent to two Quarter Pounders with cheese.
I call shenanigans. I bet the interns had huge hangovers. Anybody can eat five McMuffins. They must have been sick when they started.
Double Quarter pounders, that is.
@ 2:29
I’m sitting here smiling. God I love this busines…especially on Friday afternoons. If not for the trading action, it’s the camraderie that makes this the most fun job in the world.
-Nominate me
@2:29
That is fantastic. This is the sort of group activity that builds “team spirit”.
cheers @ 2:09
@ Nom me
I Concur. Only on DB can a discussion about egg mcmuffins lead to anal sex, crohn’s disease, mozillo, hazing, and threats to print meaningless articles in the Post. It just gives me the warm and fuzzies.
Sitting here watching the guy in the other end of the floor sitting at his desk with his barefeet up on the desk. Very nice!! Probably size 11-12 look nice and smooth, he was wearing driving mocs with no socks..I think I am going to go try to touch them some how.
if you ever find yourself caught under a 3 ton mcmuffin, you can call me the jaws of life.
True story. When I was at camp as a kid we had an end of summer pie-eating contest. Of two twin brothers, one was recruited to partake in the event. Upon almost completing his pie, he threw up. rather than an immediate disqualification, the judges ruled that the regurgitating competitor could use his twin brother as a pinch hitter- that is assuming they both could ingest the remaining (fresh) pie along with its previously regurgitated counterpart. The result was an extremely victorious duo that proved there is no price to high to pay for victory. (yes twin #2 ate the bulk of the recently vomitted cherry pie).
Now, that is a story of true teamwork and heroism in the world of competitive eating.
The BoA interns should take notes.
Last Word is yanking chains. Only 1500 calories AND a special dietary request was accomodated. He can’t think it was hazing. Nobody is that much of a sissy.
These boys are just plain UNAMERICAN. Joey Chesnut would eat THEM for their sins!
“When I was at camp as a kid we had an end of summer pie-eating contest.”
Hair pie???
seriously, where did this rosario’s-closing news originate? need info. must have penne. or lasagna. with chicken parm on top.
Bess referencing ookie cookie seriously just made my day
what happened to the days when I was an analyst – hazing consisted of being called by your vp at 1:00 am telling you that there was a “fire drill” and you had to update the comps by 7:00 am so the md could have a call with a client (before factset made this $hit easy)…does anyone remember “disclosure” and calling to get 10Q’s/K’s delivered? (okay, so I’m old)
i’m old too. wtf is “ookie cookie?”
@ 3:18 – group of guys circle jerk onto a cookie. last one to finish has to eat the cookie.
I’m old too. I did not know that. I think I wish I still did not know that.
That is so counterintuitive- the guy who finisheds last deserves a fucking medal! No wonder so many guys suck in bed- games like ookie cookie are to blame.
investorcluzo – Guess I’m old too. I remember as a rookie having to fly down to the SEC to hand deliver documents.
I didn’t know what ookie cookie was either, but the larger question is why does bess know what it is? perhaps it’s becuase I wasn’t in a frat, however, I’m not sure I would join a frat that engages in those types of “rousing” activities (bess your choice of words was not lost on me).
Fratboys pay for their friends.
~LexSteelz
@ girl – you may be on to something here. i never thought of it that way.
although the guy who finishes first amongst other guys jerking off has some serious explaining to do.
cluzo– any girl with guy friends in frats will know what an OC is.
Big R,
Are they barefoot while they do this?
@ Big r
Too true. The real loser is the 2nd guy. The 1st guy just gets outed!
i have it on good authority that rosario’s was packed today, and no sign that it is closing.
@3:30 – please clarify, is this a gay frat? seriously, I’ve never heard of this before today. what would possess straight dudes to have a cj? I’m lost as to the purpose of guys who consider themselves “brothers” trying to shake one out on a damn cookie. who thinks up this $hit?
cluzo, man, you’re joking right? you said yourself you weren’t in a fraternity so you definitely get a free pass here but virtually every single thing that goes down (pun intended) in a frat house is homoerotic, it’s just not billed as such.
cluz – not gay. i guess if we’re looking for an actual psychological reason its that guys can bond through embarassment. while the last to finish may forever be known as the that guy, he will have something to connect to his brothers about.
full disclosure – i was never in a frat and have never participated in either ookie cookie or a circle jerk. i simply know these things.
IC i think for the most part it is just an urban legend.
or whatever, a bunch of guys stuck in the woods legend.
however this does happen at yale.
Cluzo, et al:
Also check out (as mentioned earlier), Elephant Walk if you’re in the gay frat tricks mood.
Point is, ookie cookie has found its awy into the vernacular, especially if you write comedy (or something approaching comedy). Or if you’re just a dirty perverted mofo (ahem)
What the fuck has happened to this place?
Circle jerk is cool, anyone up for one today?
@3:39 – thanks for the pass. the closest I’ve come to a fraternity is “animal house” and “revenge of the nerds”…I see I’ve missed out on lot of “developmental” activities. need to keep an eye out on those overzealous frat boys…might be some latent stuff going on.
I graduated in the past five years from a school that you would think would have groups that played OC…Although I have heard of it many a time, no one has ever given an account of one actually occurring. I think it is urban legend…does anyone have definitive knowledge of one happening?
@3:33, there is a variation, ookie foot. in this version, the last one licks the foot and is considered the winner.
3:44, as i said, Yale.
@ 3:48, that sounds hot man…let’s do it…ookie foot it is
These frat boys have the most incredibly hot feet and they all border on homosexual tendencies…very cool.
What the fuck is up with the foot fetish thing happening in each thread? Every 15th post on DB today has involved some asshole and his foot fetish. Unless you’re a chick then get lost.
WHO THE HELL LET SLIMJIM BACK IN HERE (with the addition of a new-found foot fetish none the less?)
Listen, alot of guys are into fooling around with other guys feet….it’s cool, no worries.
would you give another guy a foot massage?
feet feet feet
Toe licking!
@ 3:54
When was the last time a chick licked your feet and sucked your toes man…you know better, they don’t go for that stuff.
Gys get off on having their feet worshipped…ALL GUYS, especially the frat boys and the only way to get that kind of pleasure is from another dude. Some call it gay other call it kinky…whatever bottom line it is what it is.
American bandersnatch:
ABSOLUTELY would give another dude a foot massage, why not? Its cool.
As long as his feet are not nasty.
u?
@4:03 i hear they have massage parlors for that sort of thing…
girl – its a race. if i win the race, i deserve to be pumped up about it!
Who the hell wants some mongloid sumo wrestler touching your feet? And besides they wont suck your toes at massage parlors.
There is something erotic about another dude, straight like you playing with your feet.
@4:08,
I’m totally str8 and I agree, there is something interesting about having another guy at your feet.
from egg mcmuffins to ookie cookie to foot fetishes.
only on db. happy friday.
@4:10 – That’s all about the pwer, eh?
redpandot
Not only that but its kinda cool to be at the guys feet as well. I guess its because feet are always hidden or something makes it somehow a charge.
And let me tell you some of these dudes have really hot feet!!!
@ Ham, i’m just sayin…racing to the finish is like crossing your eyes- do it too much and one day you’ll get stuck that way, just like your parents always warned.
happy friday everyone! (free ralph)
From an old guy:
If you think there’s something cool about another guy at your feet, you’re not that straight.
What is OC?
If someone pulled any of this crap at my Univ., they would have been run off. Even for suggesting it. My, how times have changed…..
@4:06 – as Jules said to Vincent “Fuck You”
@lowly (3:41) – blame it on bessy (2:47)! next you can point the finger at the “guest” (3:18) for stepping up and asking the question. then you have big r (3:21) to thank for explaining. the rest is db’rs sharing their latent sexual desires/fetishes on a slow friday afternoon. now, let’s talk about wedges (the shoe kind) and my disdain for them – so t.p…
You ARE old, your liver spotted hand keeps pounding the mouse.
However, I do agree. I never saw any gayness in the frat house. Just the usual deplorable behavior towards women that was hilarious at the time. There was always a guy in my house that was absolutely, without a doubt, a closet homosexual. Funny thing is, he works in the White House now, therefore, he is still very in the closet.
-Nom me
I’m all for a guy at my feet – but I’m also a woman…
@4:29- not necessarily….GWB hires them in the administration and entertains them with their partners at events……The guy and the politician aren’t the same thing……No way the liberal media is gonna rag on him and the right wing is smart enough to shut up about it.
@4:08pm & 4:10pm – I hate to break it to you dudes, but you are not “totally str8″ if you think having another male rub your feet is erotic. You are at least in Biville if not on a layover to Gaytown.
we had an intern drink a gallon of apple juice in the morning and then “scheduled” meetings for the rest of the day. truth is, we didn’t need to have meetings, but we wanted to see how long he could holdout before running to the bathroom. he held out 42 minutes. and then went every 20 minutes for the next 2 hrs. hysterical
This thread turned very homosexual.
Thanks, Cluzo. The way you put it is not unlike watching an auto accident in slow motion. The shame these posters lack!
I’m still trying to wrap my cranium over the assertion that a totally straight dude enjoys playing with another dude’s feet…
Can we talk about McMuffins again?
Man….this sh*t is getting very strange.
I learned more about what happens these days at Ivy League fraternities than I ever wanted to know. Of course, before I read it, I didn’t realize how very much I didn’t want to know.
Thank God no one admits to being into hanging from hooks.
Two men gaining pleasure from caressing one another’s feet? I’m probably hopelessly old-fashioned, but I’m with girl’s analysis on this.
George Shea of IFOCE/MLE should contact these Interns. Maybe he can use them and hold a contest on ESPN like he does with Nathan’s Hot Dogs at Coney Island on July 4.
I smell McDonalds the next sponsor of the International Federation of Cempetitive Eating. Think of the World Wide potential. Contest in every corner of the globe.
These guys need to go to Porcao (the Brazilian Charuscarria) and have a real eating contest engorging pounds of succulent beef and liters of wine.
The kids are soft these days… no go-getters like this guy:
http://www.hackcanada.com/canadian/zines/spacemoose/salsa2.gif
–CS
The only way I can see eating 5 McMuffins as a challenge is if I was forced to simultaneously watch the 2 Girls 1 Cup video.
There’s an idea: first to consume a box of Little Debbie’s fudge brownies while watching 2 Girls 1 Cup.
Takers?
-bruce wayne
i don’t think i could even get my dick up for a game of ookie cookie (never heard it called that before either), and i definitely would not give or receive a foot massage from another guy.
Contrast the ookie cookie to the soggy biscuit..
RAW DOG
i was friends w/a number of the fuck-up members of certain frat i won’t mention and while they couldn’t divulge everything that went on at their yearly retreat to a non-broheim, i did hear about the one or two loser pledges per year that actually obeyed orders to do things like suck rancid mayo off a dildo, sleep on floors covered by years of piss, puke, etc etc
Probably the same frat in which Quayle and the Bushes are alum. Sounds about right.
@ Bess — You need to take a Jimmy Cayne’esque angle on Chris Dodd somehow.
@ Carney — Brother Tim did good work on this BoA mess
http://www.examiner.com/a-1449448~Bank_of_America_PAC_money_behind_Dodd_s_Countrywide_loan.html
@ 4:37 — I am here for you baby!
FREE RALPH!
Cinncinatus
Feet are intriguing…fact is guys feet are way nicer than the ladies!
Most guys have a foot fetish…some surpress it. But those with a foot fetish know that dudes feet are way hotter!!
Indeed a late entry, but I had a stroke of genius last night for the contest. It incorporates speed, agility, endurance, and cunning. We have an old fashion drink off, like in Marion’s bar in the first Indian Jones. Except instead of liquor, we use coffee creamers. The ones in the little cups. I’ve done my research and have found that a gallon’s equivalent is about 120 cups, and a box of 50 cups is about $4.00. Hour time limit. Any takers?
9:40AM: i’m skeptical. this would be a good time to provide photographic evidence to back up your claim.
Whatever happened to the mcnugget challenge? sounds like an old gem which really doesn’t need to be replaced
at my office we had the intern (myself) compete in an ice cream sandwhich challenge and allowed everyone to place bets on how many i could do. 14s sold big and I did 14+ in 26 minutes with a no puke clause afterwards which was also followed