Earlier this morning, a tipster pointed us in the direction of David Einhorn's Wikipedia entry. It read, "David Einhorn is a Porn Star and President of Greenlight Capital." Initially, we deemed it the work of Erin Callan. But then we realized--this was a compliment. Obviously, it came from one of his fans, not enemies. Unfortunately, the groupie/merry prankster was pretty unimaginative. S/he should've drawn out the joke to say that Einhorn performed his duties under various noms de porn, such as: David BigHorn, David Einschlong, and David YankMeinHorn. And that got us thinking. Why should YankMeinHorn be the only one given porn cred? And since there are so many deserving hedge funds out there, and we have a yuks quotient/day to fulfill, herewith, we present the Top Pornified Hedge Fund Names.
10. ESL --> DSL
9. Sparx Group --> SparXXX Group
8. Eden Rock --> Eatin' Cock
7. Och-Ziff --> Cock-Spliff
6. Soros --> SoreAss
5. Brevan Howard --> Brevan Loves Howard
4. Lone Pine --> Long Pine
3. Ospraie --> CockSpraie
2. Circle T --> Circle Jerk (it's funny because it's true)
1. SAC Capital
Honorary Already-Porned-Out Funds
- Man Group
- Viking
- Maverick
- Citadel
- Horseman Global
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jun 12, 2008 12:30PM
Haha!
Posted by JimBob , Jun 12, 2008 12:36PM
Im partial to "Red Light Capital" This gives a whole new meaning to the word "Partners"
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 12:38PM
Anyone remember PowerGen Italia? That was a real name, too!
Posted by BSD , Jun 12, 2008 12:38PM
...and speaking of porn & hedge funds:
http://dealbreaker.com/community/2008/06/ping-jiang-starts-tranny-hedge.php
Posted by Anal_yst , Jun 12, 2008 12:39PM
Buttpost Group, GAG Partners, Blackbone, the list goes on
Posted by JimBob , Jun 12, 2008 12:39PM
Dont forget Boone Pickens "DP Capital"
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 12:41PM
These names come from brokers who have been put "in the box" (pardon the pun) by trading companies. Remember that the difference between a trader and a broker is that the broker shouts, "Fuck You!!" after he hangs up the phone.
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jun 12, 2008 12:48PM
Speaking of which, whatever happened to correspondence with Billy Ash? No more e-cards? He doesn't call? He doesn't write? Fucking pimps and their inconsistent notions of gratitude...
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 1:07PM
goldman sachs --> blow man sacks
wachovia --> whack-all-ovah-ya
Posted by lemmerdeur , Jun 12, 2008 1:29PM
Asspirate Capital.
Posted by merkin capital partners , Jun 12, 2008 1:32PM
no one mentioned Whitebox? It's the only kind I like.
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 1:55PM
These aren't condom brands??
- Man Group
- Viking
- Maverick
- Citadel
- Horseman Global
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 2:16PM
It ain't a hedge fund, but its so obvious its shocking no one else mentioned it:
Blackrock --> Black Cock
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 2:20PM
God I love it when she talks dirty.
Posted by NotNasser , Jun 12, 2008 2:36PM
hedge funds -- untrimmed-bush funds
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 3:55PM
Lay Men Brothers
Bears Stearn Ass Management
Merrill's Itch
Morgan's Panty
JayPees on Morgan's Ace
Cuntillon
Eton Carp
FrontBoink
Tudor-->Cooter
Egerton Capital-->E-gerkin Capital
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 4:21PM
this is really stupid...I'm usually a big fan of your work Bess but this is not quite up there
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 4:23PM
thanks for the 2-cents, twatwaffle
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 4:24PM
this post is a tribute to Keith Hahn
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 4:26PM
Och-Ziff-->Cock-Spliff-->Cock-Stiff
Fortress-->Fartass
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 4:29PM
Och-Ziff-->Cock-Spliff-->Cock-Stiff-->Ouch-It-Split
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 5:00PM
just sayin...
-4:21
Posted by guest , Jun 12, 2008 5:05PM
This (the comment at 4:21) is really stupid...I'm usually a big fan of your work 4:21 but this is not quite up there
just sayin...
-5:05
Posted by guest , Jul 03, 2008 10:39PM
Marathon Asset Mgmt--> Mara's Thong Ass Mgmt
Kynikos Associates, L.P.--> Kynkiness Ass.
Fir Tree Partners--> Furry V Partners
Posted by guest , Jan 21, 2009 3:39PM
Too Jackie, didn't Treehorn.