The U.S. Marshals Service is still hot on the trail of Sam Israel III, the convicted former hedge fund manger who no one believes committed suicide. A wanted poster from last week noted that the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan has two tattoos, one on his left arm and one on his hip. Today brings word that the arm ink is that of a bird, though it doesn’t say what kind. Those of you on (fake) suicide watch, however, will recall that Israel’s business card also had a bird on it. Not being ordained ornithologists ourselves, at the time, we guessed it was a pelican. Oh how wrong we were. Luckily, one of you dabbles in bird porn and did not give us a free pass. To the guy who dressed me down with the comment, “egret [bitch]…it’s an egret…[get it fucking right, you stupid whore],” please come forward and dazzle us with further displays of your intellectual plumage. Completely sincerely: you are (intentionally or unintentionally) the funniest person on this thing. I just wanted to tell you that. Moving on.
Putting two and two together, we feel confident the bird tattoo on Israel’s arm is that of an e to the gret, which he clearly fetishizes. But what in god’s name is the tattoo on his hip? What is so deviant that it needs to be concealed from the public? We have some good leads, but we and the U.S. Marshals would like your input. So:
Wanted by the U.S. Marshals: Samuel Israel III [U.S. Marshals Office]
It could also be a blue heron. Christ, am I the only one that hunts these things?…geez
Bess you do realize the dude who posted the egret remark WAS Mr. Israel 3.
He’s reading this shit from his submarine right now and hes much too smart to fall for your clever ruse. So you better stop snitchin…Bess
who the hell hunts blue herons and egrets?
Hello?
The bird is an IBIS! I can’t believe no one knows this.
The ibis is the last to leave a hurricane and the first to come back. Makes sense.
@237 – I mused it may be a heron on the first post, however since I didn’t cuss out bess, no credit given.
But the hidden tatoo – I’m guessing it’s a copy of the plan seth tobias used…(What too soon?)
Sam Israel’s 2nd tattoo isn’t on his hip. It’s on his belly button. See picture below.
http://www.strangecosmos.com/content/item/120436.html
“geez” is what you consider to be cussing out bess? have you ever read anything she writes? “geez” is maybe the most polite thing she has ever written!
i think she can handle it.
is birdfucking possible? dont birds have cloacas??
someone PLEASE advise
Does everyone have a lazy eye, pink eye, or patched eye? To this naked eye, it’s surely a madagascar heron (ardea humbloti). You can tell by the beak and tuft of feathers jutting from it’s back.
“egret [bitch]…it’s an egret…[get it fucking right, you stupid whore],”
Geez, don’t you get it. It’s Sam Israel commenting on your blog. Who else would react so violently to such an error on your part.
I recommend you call the FBI, “inadvertently” call him Sam Iran, watch him go ballistc in another post and track his postng location down.
Hey is there any reward money for this?
No, it’s an ibis, you can tell because it’s his business card logo and that “the Ibis was renowned in antiquity for self-administering an enema to clear blockage by inserting its beak into its cloaca and injecting a spray of water.”
How about a booby, woodcock or titmouse? Maybe a woodcock between two boobies?
-BeckyBootFan
@ 2:44
herons are delicious when marinated in the blood of investors
mmmwwwwahahaha
The bird on the card is a pelican, which is the state bird of Louisiana.
The pelican, like the Fleurs de Lis, is a popular symbol for New Orleanians to get tattooed on them when they’re drunk.
I know because my girlfriend wants one on her wrist. Sigh.
Whoever said Ibis needs to look at a picture of one. Also, it’s an Egyptian symbol.
Red-chested nutscratcher?
A woodpecker and a swallow?
If you are basing it off of physical resemblance, it’s a crane. Ibis is too short as is the beak for a pelican.
slow market today fellas?
:)
-mrp
its a bluejay
turkey and a turkey
blue bottomed grundle whiffer – once thought extinct but recently found flourishing in the east village.
Your revolution is over, Mr. Pink. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir.
Isn’t it obvious this guy is going to Israel, where there is no extradition with the United States. Israel has this law on their books, supposedly against anti-semitic motivated crime. Yes, all these jews who are convicted of crimes leading to prison time are pursued because they are jewish and not because they are just aweful human beings. Well, if Samuel Israel moves to Israel, he’ll be in good company with a great bunch of people.
Guest @ 3:40:
Before you make a gross understatement:
I got a job.
Peace
-mrp
Guest @ 3:40:
Before you make a gross misstatement:
I got a job.
Peace
-mrp
My apologies mrp. Congrats!
Congratulations, Mr. P! Are you relocating to Chicago?
Mr P,
Welcome back to the trouble makers society… I hope you enjoyed your paid vacation.
What kind of “Trouble” will you be getting into?
~SEG
@Mr. P, pls don’t tell us you’re leaving NYC???
Yes, I’ll be moving to Chicago, so chances are when I visit NYC (which I will at least twice to 3x a month, especially for the DB gatherings) you’ll see a slow progression of me getting bigger. Mmm pizza and steak.
I was amazed at how much apartment I could get for $1500/mo. I am scoping out a killer 3br place with backyard (pool in the rear) in the Lakeview area.. It will be nice to have some space and a party pad.
SEG – not much trouble.. actually, probably about the same.
We should do a DB drinkfest before I go, probably before Jul 1.
I’m going to throw my vote into the hat… Egret. ROFL
-mrp
Heron
An Egret is a Heron. And the only way to settle whether its a Crane or a Heron is if the bastard was flying (neck stretched out vs. pulled back)
Israel, Brazil, several Caribbean nations and some in Central America.
Blame it on Rio.
Every Egret is a Heron. But no Herons are Egrets? I’m confused.
Bird brained
No way is that a pelican…
its and R and en egret
its and R and an egret
That there is a ’87 Ford F-150.
It was me, seriously. I didn’t know I would get a whole story about my silly little post. This made my day. Thanks.
Give it up on the going to Israel thing. Israel will gladly cough up a wanted man if its rich, protective Uncle Sam says to do so. Meyer Lansky tried it too. Didn’t work.
Yellow-bellied buttcracker?
Butterscotch nutsucker?
Bowlegged teabagger?
Nubian cockfluffer?
Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen…
Ice Cube (in song): rightttt…
Spacedocker.
@mrp – belated congrats. I do believe bessy should be working carny over to get an appropriate send off (and welcome party for the newest chi-town poster). let’s see, for spitzer’s send off we went to his corner…perhaps, girl or blndebnker could over a suggestion. btw, how’s the shake shack scene treating you?
its a kentucky fried chicken.
if he tries to head to Israel and claim automatic right of citizenship, he may sincerely regret making his protestations of his Christian faith to the sentencing judge, in an attempt to seek leniency.
Looks like a big barnyard chicken to me.
Yeah, if he goes to Israel now, they’ll probably give him some land and build him a home on some disputed settlement to make him a full Israeli citizen. Israel has a long history of not extraditing well-known criminals, like heads of the Russian mafias (which are probably more Jewish than Russian). Why is anyone surprised that Israel condone criminals. Just look at their elite politicians, all of them have been accused of blatant corruption or war crimes(Netanyahu, Olmert, Sharon etc) yet Israeli continue to believe they are good and decent human beings overall.
8:31 – Israel’s history is about 60 years, dipshit. That’s not very long. The good thing about Israel, though, is they have a lot less douchebag back office blue bottomed grundle whiffers.
It’s not a good time for Israel to be bucking the U.S. government over a high profile fugitive.
I have a PHD in Botany (the study of birds)I can say with certainty that is an Eurasian Eagle Owl.
botany is the scientific study of plant life.
@9:44 and @10:02
These late nights are getting to me, I’m in hysterics after reading those.
Class(y)/(ics)
Certainly egret fans would be aware of the best place on earth to be a fugitive and bird watcher, ie, the tri-border region of Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil, a place so lawless none of the three governments bother to collect taxes and where Hezbollah goes when it needs to get away from the comparatively meddlesome Syrian and Iranian regimes. Some of the most famous and relevant local birds are the garza blanca, the garza mora, the garza bruja (white, moorish, and witch egrets). His alias will be Garza or Garcia, which he will get away with, look in a phone book in the neighborhood of Ga-. He might get greedy and call himself Candido Garcia, Merlin Garza, or possibly Othello Garcia, and then they will catch him.
Nice post, @12:19 am. I think that region is the best for long term fugitives, and certainly a guy named Israel from New Orleans can become a South American Garza or Garcia. I don’t think they have a stringent ID program there.
@ 5:46
It wasn’t ice cube that said that, and he definitely wasn’t in song. It was Chris Tucker (Smokey) and it was from Friday. Get it right or pay the price…
@8:53,
Maybe you should rewind your VHS before you run your mouth. Before Chris Tucker finishes the statement with a “niggggaaa!,” Ice Cube says, “Riggght!” I will not pay any price.
@8:53,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkpGBiSck20
10:27:
Are you saying it’s a picture of a plant???
You might be right, a cranberry.
Little known fact, the cranberry was originally called a craneberry because the blossom, which eventually becomes the fruit, resembles a crane.
Jackal! Is it a jackal? Jackal! Jackal! It’s a jackal! Jackal? Jackal! Is it a jackal?