Merrill Lynch needs a new logo to more accurately reflect the trajectory it’s been taking of late, and its goals for the future. Though an image of CEO John Thain wearing a custom designed executioner’s mask with space cut out for a ball gag would be the logical successor to the bull, this is a family firm and that kind of smut, while fitting, won’t fly. Luckily, we have another good candidate for consideration.
It’s this monster beast that Gawker reported had washed up ashore in Montauk yesterday. No one really knows if its some sort of viral ad campaign or the product of a nearby government animal testing facility close by in Long Island, but that’s all immaterial. This thing is perfect. First of all, it sort of vaguely resembles a really fucked up looking bull and preserving a sense of history is important. Secondly, it looks like there’s something coming out of Monster Beast’s ass, not unlike the blood gushing from Merrill’s posterior. Thirdly, it’s clearly about to die and, if you look closely, is giving the middle finger, which is more or less the exact same thing Merrill’s doing, like, yeah, fuck you as I die, shareholders, Lehman, American banking system and so on and so forth. Finally, it’s absolutely terrifying, and I would posit–and I don’t think I’m alone here–the only hope for turning things around. You make a haunt-one’s-nightmares, unimaginably scary who-knows-what-it-is-or-what-it’s-capable-of monster your logo, people know not to fuck with you.
Gasparino just gave DB some cred…
the new logo should be a jar of French’s Mustard
thats the illigitimate aborted love child of sam israel and the ‘egret’
That’s one of Mama Godzilla’s abortions.
this is amongst your best work, bess, although I would have appreciated a disclaimer somewhere along the lines of “finish chewing/swallowing your lunch before clicking through”.
That being said, wtf ever that thing is, it is horrible, but if it had wings would be pretty freakin sweet
I once saw a bull in Mexico eat its own poop.
You idiots … it’s a sea turtle without its shell. Dumbasses …
Citipoop. Funny.
Wow…now who’s gonna wipe my half-chewed burger meat and pickles off my monitor?
~LexSteelz
SEA TURTLE W/O SHELL
Why was there no mention of this in the most recent BeachComber?
They must be saving up for a knock-down, drag-out Mayo vs. Mustard edition this friday.
-BeckyBootFan
Really? Nothing on the db love from CGas on cnbc?
@11– because it just washed up yesterday.
That is NOT turtle.
Spew.
Seriously…
-DK
Now I see it — that is a turtle without a shell. That’s sad.
look at the face, that is not a freaking turtle.
Definitely not a sea turtle… the proof is in the legs… turtles ain’t got legs, and definitely not arms that are capable of ‘giving the middle finger’…
RIP… you ugly ass freak by-product of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant..!
face kinda looks like Tokka from Ninja Turtles (the turtle mutant thing)
The Ugliest Catch
Sig Hansen – Capt. – Northwestern
Turtles are attached to their shells. Doy.
Gasp is dating Bess and bromancing JC. I saw the three of them squat-racking it @ Golds in Long Branch.
-retail
Turtles also don’t have teeth. Looks like an athymic nude rat.
its not a turtle – despite what mario taught you, a turtle can’t take off its shell, its part of its skeleton.
dumbasses
cartoon network viral campaign
its not a turtle – despite what mario taught you, a turtle can’t take off its shell, its part of its skeleton.
dumbasses
I once saw that thing eat its own poop. It was awesome.
its not a fucking turtle dumbass, turtles have scaly skin. Haven’t you ever seen a lubriderm commercial?
also: http://www.stupidquestionsanswered.com/answered/turtle.htm
hammy, while you are right about it not being a turtle, the lube commercials feature alligator, not turtles.
Waiting on confirmation that it’s a pic of tgfd’s dog.
fuck the turtle, not turtle debate (and it’s not a turtle)– should or should this not be merrill’s new logo?
a. it should.
A chupacabra?
-BeckyBootFan
Hey Becky, I once saw a chupacabra in Mexico eat its own poop
Is that one of the CDO’s they pretend sold to Lone Star?
#25 & #27 -
Thank you. My favorite comment of the day.
p.s. I loved Tokka. He was the only Ninja turtle character I had.
Anyone else just notice that the bull’s wang in the ML logo looks like a lightning bolt?
It’s pretty clear this is a Griffin baby, its wings have not yet grown. How sad.
Its that thing from Ghostbusters!
Chupacabra !!!
~Bad Leg Quezada
I once saw John Thain eat his own poop at the Bronx Zoo.
Confirmed: tgfd’s inter-species erotica’s lover.
you guys – that’s no creature from the abyss, that’s jimmy cayne on crack…duh!!!
@37. Great observation. I’ve never noticed that before. For that matter it looks like his front left leg is stroking that bolt.
This is a situation for yellow mustard.
that is clearly dick fuld
http://www.portfolio.com/news-markets/top-5/2008/07/30/Regrettable-Comments-by-Bank-CEOs?page=2
This is a decomposed dog. Probably a breed similar to a bulldog.
@ #47 at 2:25
Dogs don’t have beaks.
No. 47 wins.
now that BER is gonne, ML could change to Bull for a Bear
a turtle without it’s shell is dead. this thing washed up on the beach dead. therefore, dead turtle should not be ruled out.
Bess, read gawker much?
Dogs don’t have beaks and turtles don’t have hind legs.
Can we please put to rest the notion that it’s anything other than a photoshop job.
Chickens don’t have lips.
#50 doesn’t have a GED.
Mensa @ 2:35 (3)– you cut me real bad with that one. and clearly the answer is no, I just link to them. any other brain busters?
idiot’s
turtles do have back legs
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1308/1372032523_b764204257.jpg?v=0
That is the first course for the opening ceremonies in beijing.
@ 50
You’re an idiot.
No. 49 loses with a call that borders on Crameresque levels on inaccuracy. Worse than No. 47 for the making the assertion in the first place.
That’s a Great White. I saw one before.
That’s a Great White. I saw one before.
@55
I was thinking the same. Total asshat.
Bess & JC,
Please, for the love of all that is holy, can you please ban the 3rd grader from the site (ie, eating poop and mayo comments). Funny for a bit, but getting annoying. Everybody else, please don’t yell at me for encouraging the juvenile (or recent fin’l layoff). It’s clear he/she/it isn’t stopping.
Kind Regards,
Johnny
I can’t believe #50 exists.
@66:too short, didn’t read
ever noticed that you can actually see the bulls balls in the MER logo.
If talking about mayo is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
Wow. This whole f’king bunch above is who CFO.com is paying banner ad dollars to DB for huh. Don’t know who the sales person at DB is, but well f’king done…
Jurassic Pig Roast. Which considering ML’s condition these days; may be necessary as a fundraiser…
it’s a skinned raccoon
I love lamp.
It’s a turtle; you know it.
#62 is exactly right. It is a great white that mutant-ed from ingesting saran wraps that we throw into the ocean. Then it got beached and got sun-burnt.
I saw one in person.
it’s not a turtle, fucking idiots.
Great post…
Almost as good as this classic:
http://dealbreaker.com/2007/11/deutsche_bank_alex_brown_is_th.php
@ Drederick
That sh!t was awesome, thanks for reminding me of those jokers…
…also whatever this thing is, I promise you that Sam Israel brought it back from the future in his time machine
Turtle without it’s shell? You people work in Finance? How?
Not a turtle, the dog post is correct. Look at it this way, the dogs nose is made of cartilage (most of it) which has decayed. What you see, that looks like a beak, is really the bone for the nostrils. Turtle DO NOT have teeth (see bottom).
Its a dog that has merged with a turtle in a (futile) attempt to survive. A durgle….that was so easy.
@ mr.81,
Total props to you dude, that was hilarious… tying it all in together quite nicely!!
@ mr.81,
Total props to you dude, that was hilarious… tying it all in together quite nicely!!
@77 – Bess,
When DB switched over to the new format, the infamous Alex Brown photo got lopped in half. Anyway to correct it?
It’s not a god-damned dog. Does the proportion of that thing’s skull to its body look canine?
Why would the cartilage from its snout decay quicker than the flesh off its back/legs?
Do dogs have incisors (beaks) at the front of their mouths?
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.skullsunlimited.com/graphics/sm-130-lg.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.skullsunlimited.com/domestic_dog_skull.html&h=657&w=900&sz=160&tbnid=q00WC_lMdVcJ::&tbnh=107&tbnw=146&prev=/images%3Fq%3Ddog%2Bskull%2Bphoto&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=image&cd=1
I had a turtle before…just punished the toilet and feel great.
~LexSteelz
God!! It’s a rabbit… f”ing idiots.
It’s the new political animal for fiscal policy.
It’s clearly manbearpig.
Just like Merrill it is a Dog however this one has no fleas
Looks like John Thain to me.
@ Drederick
http://www.dealbreaker.com/images/entries/deutsche%20bank%20alex%20brown.jpg
It’s a baby ox.
http://www.contactmusic.com/photos.nsf/main/golf_09_wenn1409471
last night i was having some cocktails with friends and we were discussing the montauk-monster thing. It has been concluded that it is a dog, which after dying and spending enough time in the ocean was bloated, hairless, and pickled by the salt-water. Explains the odd shape, hairlessness, color of the skin, etc.
NOT a turtle.
A turtle’s shell is attached to its spine. Without its shell, its body would not be intact like this because the spine would be ripped out.
A shell doesn’t just pop off like this. Stop watching so many fucking cartoons.
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