Don't take this the wrong way, gang, but I think you're all a bunch of pussies.
Two months ago, local hero Oyster Boy threw down the food eating challenge gauntlet by massacring 244 oysters in one hour. (Side note: we've since gotten more color on the event. The original challenge called for 144 oysters in one hour. OB finished them in fifteen minutes. Then, just to put a little more distance between him and you gutless wonders, casually downed 100 more in the remaining 45 minutes.) After this monumental show of gastrointestinal fortitude, we asked the rest of you to attempt some equivalent feat. Needless to say, you all failed. Embarrassingly. Wretchedly. Abysmally. We at DealBreaker have chronicled these sad attempts: the inability to consume 36 mini vending machine snacks over the course of the day, 4 Eggless McMuffins in 60 minutes and so on and so forth. I could go on, but it makes me sick.
So. One thoughtful reader suggested that since there is only one real man left on Wall Street, that we put the challenges directly to him. Not to put too much pressure on you guys, but do you think, since executing them is beyond them the pale, you could at least try and achieve some greatness via proxy, by coming up with a few eating-related tasks for the man, the myth, the legend, the Oyster Boy? We'll select the best three suggestions and send them to OB, who we're confident will further humiliate all of you wretches.
Posted by mrpink , Jul 18, 2008 1:01PM
I'm sure I could convince Corn Boy in the Wheat pit in the other room here to do something wacky, complete with video.
-mrp/cbot
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:01PM
eat a whole log of liverwurst a whole one of gemoa salami and a whole log of bologna over the course of the day.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:02PM
What is the floor record for the number of Luthers taken down?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:02PM
what are you doing for CBOT, MRP?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:05PM
How about a large, stuffed, one topping, chicago style pizza in under an hour?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:05PM
10 score sliders
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:05PM
Funny, but by "only one real man left on Wall Street" I thought you could only mean Gasparino. The only reason it would take him 60 minutes to eat 4 McGriddles is because he would want to curl them for 50 minutes first.
Now how about 60 minutes to eat 4 pounds of mortadella (after the requisite 50 minutes for aforementioned curling)?!
Posted by mrpink , Jul 18, 2008 1:06PM
Guest - bond spreads (electronic)
-mrp
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:08PM
Mr P,
Are you dancing professionally in the pits now?
~SEG
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:11PM
I have done an all you can eat sushi eating contest years ago. I bowed out at 42, but the winner went into the 60's. It hurt for a week, but well worth it.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 1:11PM
1 pint of every beer on tap @ Gingerman in say, 4, maybe 5 hours. Think they've got somewhere aroudn 30 of em there, so that could only work out amazingly
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:13PM
4 Chipoltle burritos in 30 minutes
Posted by lemmerdeur , Jul 18, 2008 1:15PM
So, 244 oysters. Has his erection subsided yet?
Must have - Bess is getting cantankerous again.
My ovaries hurt.
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Jul 18, 2008 1:17PM
@1:05,
Hahaha! He would curl those fuckers!
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:19PM
burger bar crawl:
Nicole's @ 60th
Quality Meats @58th
POP Burger @ 58th
Burger Joint @ Parker Meridien 57th
Brooklyn Diner @ 57th
Burger Heaven @53rd
Prime Burger @51st
if he makes it in two hours, we'll send him to In-N-Out in Vegas.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:21PM
Anyone up for a hyperhydration or water intoxication challenge? Maybe he drinks 2 gallons over 2 minutes...
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:25PM
10 full size saltine crackers in 1 minute with nothing to drink. Has to be downed inside of the minute, can't be stuffed in the mouth.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:26PM
@1:21pm
Awesome challenge. It ups the ante when there is the danger of blood thinning and heart seizure. For him to be a real man, the possibility of death has to be ever present.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:28PM
this one time, at band camp, i shoved a flute in my pussy
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:28PM
check wb mohawked intern
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:28PM
check wb mohawked intern
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:28PM
check wb mohawked intern
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 1:29PM
@ 1:26
Hell if thats the criteria why not just skip right to gram races, hell, just go for the full-on 8-ball challenge, first to finish, wins...plenty of danger there
(albeit not as much as the crochunter challenge, but thats a bit harder to execute)
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:29PM
Dresdner Kleinwort needs to merge with Oyster Boy in order to survive.
Posted by FUNdamental , Jul 18, 2008 1:30PM
No need to make this only punishment, let's go win-win with this thing.
OB goes to one of the strip clubs with a sushi bar (flashdancers, vip) and has to eat one piece of sushi for every girl they have on the payroll in some pro-rated period of time (if 60 girls, 90 mins something like that). If he completes it, db sends him to the champagne room for an hour.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:30PM
@1:28
You must be the one they keep referring to as Bess' roommate.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:33PM
a guy at Weisel ate 10 Big Macs in 10 minutes back in 2000
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:35PM
oops, 5 big macs in 10 minutes
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:35PM
OB walks Broadway end to end eating one item from each vending cart. All meat items of course.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:37PM
1 tablespoon of cinnamon
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:37PM
guy got mohawk at wb trading floor today
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:40PM
i was at weisel in 2000. there was also the synd guy who attempted to do the gallon of milk thing in 1 house (someone waved a bottle of vodka under his nose and he lost it with about 10 mins to go), someone did the water thing, someone put their face in a cake meant for someone's b-day for $1000.....
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:41PM
I've spent the morning hurling lightning bolts out my ass and am not about to rip open my inflamed asshole anymore just to eat a fucking a corndog.Put your own ass on the line,Levin, and you down some oyster shooters and Corona's and let us know how you enjoy shitting out shards of glass.
Posted by Joseph di Jersey City , Jul 18, 2008 1:42PM
Fifty eggs. No one can eat fifty eggs.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:42PM
lets have a mayo eating contest. then we'll see who the real men are
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:43PM
30 red bulls in 30 minutes. Then he must eat one cup of the finest instant ramen noodles, at his own leisure.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:45PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNW95MLfe2w
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:45PM
The record for eating live cockroaches is held by Ken Edwards of Derbyshire, England. In 2001 he ate 36 hissing Madagascar roaches in one minute. Bring it back to Ammmeriiikaah Oystah Boiiii!!
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:45PM
@1:41, nice rant but nobody was asking you to do the challenge, just come up with one. we'll take it your challenge is "opening up his inflamed asshole."
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:47PM
I think he was trying to pretend to be OB... nice try buddy.
Don't call me guy buddy I aint your friend.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 1:51PM
Seriously though, the compensation would have to be impressive though (re: 1:41's good points) at least for someone to convince me to attempt some of these challenges. At least enough to cover the inevitable trip to the proctologist/gastroenterologist/other 'ologist
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:53PM
@anal_yst-- he was paid $3000 for the 244 oysters.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:54PM
If you can eat 48 vaginas in one day without having your face covered in pustulating sores then you are a real man...
-suck it
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:56PM
Sandwiches: 60 peanut butter sandwiches in 10 minutes
Waffles: 19 waffles (8 oz.) in 10 minutes at Waffle House
Jalapeno Poppers: 119 Jalapeño Poppers in 10 minutes
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches: 48 sandwiches in 10 minutes
Pork Ribs: 9 pounds pork rib meat in 12 minutes
Horseshoe Sandwiches: 7 pounds, 5 ounces of horseshoe sandwiches
Gyoza: 212 chicken and vegetable gyozas
Pulled Pork: 9 pounds, 7 ounces in 10 minutes
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:57PM
Contents of McCarren Pool tool shed in 1 hr.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 1:57PM
@1:53-- it was $3500.
http://dealbreaker.com/2008/04/the_gaunlet_has_been_thrown_do.php
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:02PM
Mr. Pink-
Do you trade for yourself?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:07PM
60 sticks of butter in one hour? the real stuff too none of that I Can't Believe It's Not Butter sh*t.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:07PM
spoonfull of cinammon. $5000
Posted by NotNasser , Jul 18, 2008 2:08PM
"eat a whole log of liverwurst a whole one of gemoa salami and a whole log of bologna over the course of the day."
with Elton John music playing in the background, I would hope.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:08PM
Lock him in a room with a 1/2 keg and $50 bucks of the taco bell value menu and don't let him out till he's finished both.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:09PM
chili with the unknown contents of thy parents.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:15PM
kid at weisel in 2000 got 1k for 5 big macs in 10 minutes
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:18PM
100 dollar bills in 100 minutes.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:22PM
7 teaspoons of nutmeg.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:24PM
balls.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:25PM
aunt jemima's syrup...30 minute time limit
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 2:41PM
What was that contest they had in "The Ladies Man"? Something involving rocky mountain oyesters and culminating in, oh, how do you say it, stool sausages?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:51PM
6 saltine crackers in one minute. no water, must eat everything.
sound easy? i dare you all. it's impossible.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:52PM
The beards of 7 lady circus freaks
- Beard Fetishist
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:53PM
@2:51-- i've done it.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:54PM
@2:51-- i've done it.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:55PM
@2:51-- i've done it.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:56PM
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI...
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:56PM
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI...
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:57PM
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI...
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 2:57PM
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI...
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:00PM
Rumor from a trading floor in Atlanta is 50 McNuggets in 7.5 minutes has been done.
Posted by DrederickTatum , Jul 18, 2008 3:02PM
A stone-cold crab-off
Oyster Boy v. Steven Schwartzman
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:07PM
@3:00 Atlanta has trading floors? What do they trade Coke...
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:20PM
@ 3:07 - haha, touche
and for the guy who said 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min, this i would like to see
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:26PM
They trade peaches, tobacco, rocking chairs, diamond studded ATL chains, and an overwhelming sense of self worth - of which Houston is their largest counterparty.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:29PM
A jar of pickled chicken lips.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:33PM
@3:07
Don't know about coke, but I do know about this:
http://www.picturehistory.com/product/id/7038
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:35PM
a fistful of wasabi in 2 minutes
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 3:35PM
@ 3:07
Interesting, tell me more about this commodity trade...
Posted by mrpink , Jul 18, 2008 3:46PM
SEG -
Not on the floor, upstairs now (I can wander down to the 'CME' financial room, but that place sucks ass. They should bring back the bond pits and .. well, lol... It's pretty cool...
to the other guest (I forget the time) - No. Not for myself. C ya'll later, time to go home! (aka Ceres the bar) :-)
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 3:52PM
@3:20 seriously oyster boy couldn't do 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min. Thats like 4-5 K in calories.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:01PM
"Don't take this the wrong way, gang, but I think you're all a bunch of pussies."
Okay, Bess, I submit, I submit...
Sheesh!
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:03PM
"@3:20 seriously oyster boy couldn't do 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min. Thats like 4-5 K in calories."
you've clearly never met OB. he could do it for lunch on a regular day.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 4:03PM
yay numbered posts, the IT guy finally shows up for work! Its a christmas miracle!
Posted by WillieBanks , Jul 18, 2008 4:04PM
48 hours, you can only eat mayo (must finish atleast 5 jars). Only liquid is 1 bottle of water. Cash prize at the end.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:04PM
"@3:20 seriously oyster boy couldn't do 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min. Thats like 4-5 K in calories."
you've clearly never met OB. he could do it for lunch on a regular day.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:05PM
throwing my vote to the burger crawl
burger bar crawl:
Nicole's @ 60th
Quality Meats @58th
POP Burger @ 58th
Burger Joint @ Parker Meridien 57th
Brooklyn Diner @ 57th
Burger Heaven @53rd
Prime Burger @51st
if he makes it in two hours, we'll send him to In-N-Out in Vegas.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:06PM
what's so great about numbered posts? what function does it serve?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:06PM
what's so great about numbered posts? what function does it serve?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:09PM
So you can count how many times you post the same message Asshat.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:18PM
years back, i worked at a broker in greenwich as a summer intern. one of my steel intestined colleagues got 2g for peanut butter, ketchup, mayo, lays potato chips, dr pepper, olives and olive oil in a mixture about the half the size of a solo cup, crushed and mixed up. he did it and turned green for a week. a woman threw up just watching.
Posted by chad , Jul 18, 2008 4:19PM
those filled plastic trays that collect the sludge under Forman Grills. I almost couldnt finish this sentence without gagging.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:25PM
1 lb of haggis.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haggis
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:28PM
@ #88 -- Was Michael Douglas not inspiration enough?
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:38PM
@4:09....hysterical
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:40PM
Numbered posts?! Yay! Maybe next they will upgrade their servers power core from the hamster in the wheel to a 7 year old Cambodian on a bike. Then you will only have to wait 5 minutes for your post to hit.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:43PM
@4:09...just made me laugh out loud enough for my Director to come out of his office to find out why I'm not doing work.
~LexSteelz
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 4:51PM
ahahaha yes, the asshat who needed that explanation, saying "@#x" is easier to follow than "@XX:XX:XX"
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 4:53PM
Burger crawl additions
You could start at JG Melon (75th Street) and end up at the Shake Shack in line with a bunch of intern tools from CS.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 5:00PM
ATL is a hotbed of commodities activity. Here are a list of items they trade on the ATL Comm Exchange Board.
*Elvis Commemerative Plates
*Velvet Paintings both Elvis and Non Elvis based
*Confederate Flags
*Slaves
*Indoor plumbing
*Whoopy cushions
*NASCAR memorabilia
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 18, 2008 5:04PM
@ 96
If you were really ambitious you could end up @ burger shoppe in water street and eat the party platter (100 burgers). I'd challenge anyone here actually to do just that, hell, I'll even allow 3 hours for it.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 5:32PM
Back on a Houston energy floor circa 2001, a dozen Krispy Kremes, 6 sausage kolaches and a 1/2 gallon of milk, all consumed in just under 2 hours and kept down for an additional 2 hours was done for $1,000. Said bastard had a couple colleagues, one in London and another in Rio which simultaneously attempted similar feats with local cuisine, simulcast live, without success.
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 5:34PM
Atlanta & Houston are killin it...
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 6:27PM
Jason Kellman
http://www.aopc.org/OpPosting/Supreme/out/809mal2004.pdf
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 8:04PM
Say, boy @ 5:00pm: Ya'll got somethin' agin NASCAR? Huh....pretty boy? And don't ya'll dare buttslam whoopie
cushions, dawg.....
Posted by guest , Jul 18, 2008 8:48PM
beat this quick six time...
http://youtube.com/watch?v=n4vQiQ6jhMQ
Posted by guest , Jul 19, 2008 3:19PM
I want to jerk off on Bess' face
Posted by trojan , Jul 20, 2008 2:00PM
Blackstone circa spring 2007: senior executive eats 2.5 babies in under 15 min. pussy could finish the last one.
Posted by guest , Jul 20, 2008 9:20PM
I thought oysters was all about poon, enough with the hazing Beth
Posted by guest , Jul 21, 2008 11:49AM
I used to work with a guy that snorted lines of cayenne pepper for $20.
Posted by guest , Jul 22, 2008 1:33PM
A full meal for 2 at Luger's:
The full bread basket + saucer of sauce, tomatoes / Onions for 2; two slices of bacon; a steak for two (make it well done if you really want to inflict pain, or keep it decent, up to you), with all the sides (hash browns, fries, onion rings, spinach, broccoli, and a sundae.
Whoever can do that is a true champion.