Don’t take this the wrong way, gang, but I think you’re all a bunch of pussies.
Two months ago, local hero Oyster Boy threw down the food eating challenge gauntlet by massacring 244 oysters in one hour. (Side note: we’ve since gotten more color on the event. The original challenge called for 144 oysters in one hour. OB finished them in fifteen minutes. Then, just to put a little more distance between him and you gutless wonders, casually downed 100 more in the remaining 45 minutes.) After this monumental show of gastrointestinal fortitude, we asked the rest of you to attempt some equivalent feat. Needless to say, you all failed. Embarrassingly. Wretchedly. Abysmally. We at DealBreaker have chronicled these sad attempts: the inability to consume 36 mini vending machine snacks over the course of the day, 4 Eggless McMuffins in 60 minutes and so on and so forth. I could go on, but it makes me sick.
So. One thoughtful reader suggested that since there is only one real man left on Wall Street, that we put the challenges directly to him. Not to put too much pressure on you guys, but do you think, since executing them is beyond them the pale, you could at least try and achieve some greatness via proxy, by coming up with a few eating-related tasks for the man, the myth, the legend, the Oyster Boy? We’ll select the best three suggestions and send them to OB, who we’re confident will further humiliate all of you wretches.
I’m sure I could convince Corn Boy in the Wheat pit in the other room here to do something wacky, complete with video.
-mrp/cbot
eat a whole log of liverwurst a whole one of gemoa salami and a whole log of bologna over the course of the day.
What is the floor record for the number of Luthers taken down?
what are you doing for CBOT, MRP?
How about a large, stuffed, one topping, chicago style pizza in under an hour?
10 score sliders
Funny, but by “only one real man left on Wall Street” I thought you could only mean Gasparino. The only reason it would take him 60 minutes to eat 4 McGriddles is because he would want to curl them for 50 minutes first.
Now how about 60 minutes to eat 4 pounds of mortadella (after the requisite 50 minutes for aforementioned curling)?!
Guest – bond spreads (electronic)
-mrp
Mr P,
Are you dancing professionally in the pits now?
~SEG
I have done an all you can eat sushi eating contest years ago. I bowed out at 42, but the winner went into the 60′s. It hurt for a week, but well worth it.
1 pint of every beer on tap @ Gingerman in say, 4, maybe 5 hours. Think they’ve got somewhere aroudn 30 of em there, so that could only work out amazingly
4 Chipoltle burritos in 30 minutes
So, 244 oysters. Has his erection subsided yet?
Must have – Bess is getting cantankerous again.
My ovaries hurt.
@1:05,
Hahaha! He would curl those fuckers!
burger bar crawl:
Nicole’s @ 60th
Quality Meats @58th
POP Burger @ 58th
Burger Joint @ Parker Meridien 57th
Brooklyn Diner @ 57th
Burger Heaven @53rd
Prime Burger @51st
if he makes it in two hours, we’ll send him to In-N-Out in Vegas.
Anyone up for a hyperhydration or water intoxication challenge? Maybe he drinks 2 gallons over 2 minutes…
10 full size saltine crackers in 1 minute with nothing to drink. Has to be downed inside of the minute, can’t be stuffed in the mouth.
@1:21pm
Awesome challenge. It ups the ante when there is the danger of blood thinning and heart seizure. For him to be a real man, the possibility of death has to be ever present.
this one time, at band camp, i shoved a flute in my pussy
check wb mohawked intern
check wb mohawked intern
check wb mohawked intern
@ 1:26
Hell if thats the criteria why not just skip right to gram races, hell, just go for the full-on 8-ball challenge, first to finish, wins…plenty of danger there
(albeit not as much as the crochunter challenge, but thats a bit harder to execute)
Dresdner Kleinwort needs to merge with Oyster Boy in order to survive.
No need to make this only punishment, let’s go win-win with this thing.
OB goes to one of the strip clubs with a sushi bar (flashdancers, vip) and has to eat one piece of sushi for every girl they have on the payroll in some pro-rated period of time (if 60 girls, 90 mins something like that). If he completes it, db sends him to the champagne room for an hour.
@1:28
You must be the one they keep referring to as Bess’ roommate.
a guy at Weisel ate 10 Big Macs in 10 minutes back in 2000
oops, 5 big macs in 10 minutes
OB walks Broadway end to end eating one item from each vending cart. All meat items of course.
1 tablespoon of cinnamon
guy got mohawk at wb trading floor today
i was at weisel in 2000. there was also the synd guy who attempted to do the gallon of milk thing in 1 house (someone waved a bottle of vodka under his nose and he lost it with about 10 mins to go), someone did the water thing, someone put their face in a cake meant for someone’s b-day for $1000…..
I’ve spent the morning hurling lightning bolts out my ass and am not about to rip open my inflamed asshole anymore just to eat a fucking a corndog.Put your own ass on the line,Levin, and you down some oyster shooters and Corona’s and let us know how you enjoy shitting out shards of glass.
Fifty eggs. No one can eat fifty eggs.
lets have a mayo eating contest. then we’ll see who the real men are
30 red bulls in 30 minutes. Then he must eat one cup of the finest instant ramen noodles, at his own leisure.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNW95MLfe2w
The record for eating live cockroaches is held by Ken Edwards of Derbyshire, England. In 2001 he ate 36 hissing Madagascar roaches in one minute. Bring it back to Ammmeriiikaah Oystah Boiiii!!
@1:41, nice rant but nobody was asking you to do the challenge, just come up with one. we’ll take it your challenge is “opening up his inflamed asshole.”
I think he was trying to pretend to be OB… nice try buddy.
Don’t call me guy buddy I aint your friend.
Seriously though, the compensation would have to be impressive though (re: 1:41′s good points) at least for someone to convince me to attempt some of these challenges. At least enough to cover the inevitable trip to the proctologist/gastroenterologist/other ‘ologist
@anal_yst– he was paid $3000 for the 244 oysters.
If you can eat 48 vaginas in one day without having your face covered in pustulating sores then you are a real man…
-suck it
Sandwiches: 60 peanut butter sandwiches in 10 minutes
Waffles: 19 waffles (8 oz.) in 10 minutes at Waffle House
Jalapeno Poppers: 119 Jalapeño Poppers in 10 minutes
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches: 48 sandwiches in 10 minutes
Pork Ribs: 9 pounds pork rib meat in 12 minutes
Horseshoe Sandwiches: 7 pounds, 5 ounces of horseshoe sandwiches
Gyoza: 212 chicken and vegetable gyozas
Pulled Pork: 9 pounds, 7 ounces in 10 minutes
Contents of McCarren Pool tool shed in 1 hr.
@1:53– it was $3500.
http://dealbreaker.com/2008/04/the_gaunlet_has_been_thrown_do.php
Mr. Pink-
Do you trade for yourself?
60 sticks of butter in one hour? the real stuff too none of that I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter sh*t.
spoonfull of cinammon. $5000
“eat a whole log of liverwurst a whole one of gemoa salami and a whole log of bologna over the course of the day.”
with Elton John music playing in the background, I would hope.
Lock him in a room with a 1/2 keg and $50 bucks of the taco bell value menu and don’t let him out till he’s finished both.
chili with the unknown contents of thy parents.
kid at weisel in 2000 got 1k for 5 big macs in 10 minutes
100 dollar bills in 100 minutes.
7 teaspoons of nutmeg.
balls.
aunt jemima’s syrup…30 minute time limit
What was that contest they had in “The Ladies Man”? Something involving rocky mountain oyesters and culminating in, oh, how do you say it, stool sausages?
6 saltine crackers in one minute. no water, must eat everything.
sound easy? i dare you all. it’s impossible.
The beards of 7 lady circus freaks
- Beard Fetishist
@2:51– i’ve done it.
@2:51– i’ve done it.
@2:51– i’ve done it.
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI…
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI…
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI…
you guys should have seen how many boners this kid chugged to become an officer at TI…
Rumor from a trading floor in Atlanta is 50 McNuggets in 7.5 minutes has been done.
A stone-cold crab-off
Oyster Boy v. Steven Schwartzman
@3:00 Atlanta has trading floors? What do they trade Coke…
@ 3:07 – haha, touche
and for the guy who said 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min, this i would like to see
They trade peaches, tobacco, rocking chairs, diamond studded ATL chains, and an overwhelming sense of self worth – of which Houston is their largest counterparty.
A jar of pickled chicken lips.
@3:07
Don’t know about coke, but I do know about this:
http://www.picturehistory.com/product/id/7038
a fistful of wasabi in 2 minutes
@ 3:07
Interesting, tell me more about this commodity trade…
SEG -
Not on the floor, upstairs now (I can wander down to the ‘CME’ financial room, but that place sucks ass. They should bring back the bond pits and .. well, lol… It’s pretty cool…
to the other guest (I forget the time) – No. Not for myself. C ya’ll later, time to go home! (aka Ceres the bar) :-)
@3:20 seriously oyster boy couldn’t do 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min. Thats like 4-5 K in calories.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, gang, but I think you’re all a bunch of pussies.”
Okay, Bess, I submit, I submit…
Sheesh!
“@3:20 seriously oyster boy couldn’t do 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min. Thats like 4-5 K in calories.”
you’ve clearly never met OB. he could do it for lunch on a regular day.
yay numbered posts, the IT guy finally shows up for work! Its a christmas miracle!
48 hours, you can only eat mayo (must finish atleast 5 jars). Only liquid is 1 bottle of water. Cash prize at the end.
“@3:20 seriously oyster boy couldn’t do 4 chipotle burritos in 30 min. Thats like 4-5 K in calories.”
you’ve clearly never met OB. he could do it for lunch on a regular day.
throwing my vote to the burger crawl
burger bar crawl:
Nicole’s @ 60th
Quality Meats @58th
POP Burger @ 58th
Burger Joint @ Parker Meridien 57th
Brooklyn Diner @ 57th
Burger Heaven @53rd
Prime Burger @51st
if he makes it in two hours, we’ll send him to In-N-Out in Vegas.
what’s so great about numbered posts? what function does it serve?
what’s so great about numbered posts? what function does it serve?
So you can count how many times you post the same message Asshat.
years back, i worked at a broker in greenwich as a summer intern. one of my steel intestined colleagues got 2g for peanut butter, ketchup, mayo, lays potato chips, dr pepper, olives and olive oil in a mixture about the half the size of a solo cup, crushed and mixed up. he did it and turned green for a week. a woman threw up just watching.
those filled plastic trays that collect the sludge under Forman Grills. I almost couldnt finish this sentence without gagging.
1 lb of haggis.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haggis
@ #88 — Was Michael Douglas not inspiration enough?
@4:09….hysterical
Numbered posts?! Yay! Maybe next they will upgrade their servers power core from the hamster in the wheel to a 7 year old Cambodian on a bike. Then you will only have to wait 5 minutes for your post to hit.
@4:09…just made me laugh out loud enough for my Director to come out of his office to find out why I’m not doing work.
~LexSteelz
ahahaha yes, the asshat who needed that explanation, saying “@#x” is easier to follow than “@XX:XX:XX”
Burger crawl additions
You could start at JG Melon (75th Street) and end up at the Shake Shack in line with a bunch of intern tools from CS.
ATL is a hotbed of commodities activity. Here are a list of items they trade on the ATL Comm Exchange Board.
*Elvis Commemerative Plates
*Velvet Paintings both Elvis and Non Elvis based
*Confederate Flags
*Slaves
*Indoor plumbing
*Whoopy cushions
*NASCAR memorabilia
@ 96
If you were really ambitious you could end up @ burger shoppe in water street and eat the party platter (100 burgers). I’d challenge anyone here actually to do just that, hell, I’ll even allow 3 hours for it.
Back on a Houston energy floor circa 2001, a dozen Krispy Kremes, 6 sausage kolaches and a 1/2 gallon of milk, all consumed in just under 2 hours and kept down for an additional 2 hours was done for $1,000. Said bastard had a couple colleagues, one in London and another in Rio which simultaneously attempted similar feats with local cuisine, simulcast live, without success.
Atlanta & Houston are killin it…
Jason Kellman
http://www.aopc.org/OpPosting/Supreme/out/809mal2004.pdf
Say, boy @ 5:00pm: Ya’ll got somethin’ agin NASCAR? Huh….pretty boy? And don’t ya’ll dare buttslam whoopie
cushions, dawg…..
beat this quick six time…
http://youtube.com/watch?v=n4vQiQ6jhMQ
I want to jerk off on Bess’ face
Blackstone circa spring 2007: senior executive eats 2.5 babies in under 15 min. pussy could finish the last one.
I thought oysters was all about poon, enough with the hazing Beth
I used to work with a guy that snorted lines of cayenne pepper for $20.
A full meal for 2 at Luger’s:
The full bread basket + saucer of sauce, tomatoes / Onions for 2; two slices of bacon; a steak for two (make it well done if you really want to inflict pain, or keep it decent, up to you), with all the sides (hash browns, fries, onion rings, spinach, broccoli, and a sundae.
Whoever can do that is a true champion.