Don't take this the wrong way, gang, but I think you're all a bunch of pussies.
Two months ago, local hero Oyster Boy threw down the food eating challenge gauntlet by massacring 244 oysters in one hour. (Side note: we've since gotten more color on the event. The original challenge called for 144 oysters in one hour. OB finished them in fifteen minutes. Then, just to put a little more distance between him and you gutless wonders, casually downed 100 more in the remaining 45 minutes.) After this monumental show of gastrointestinal fortitude, we asked the rest of you to attempt some equivalent feat. Needless to say, you all failed. Embarrassingly. Wretchedly. Abysmally. We at DealBreaker have chronicled these sad attempts: the inability to consume 36 mini vending machine snacks over the course of the day, 4 Eggless McMuffins in 60 minutes and so on and so forth. I could go on, but it makes me sick.
So. One thoughtful reader suggested that since there is only one real man left on Wall Street, that we put the challenges directly to him. Not to put too much pressure on you guys, but do you think, since executing them is beyond them the pale, you could at least try and achieve some greatness via proxy, by coming up with a few eating-related tasks for the man, the myth, the legend, the Oyster Boy? We'll select the best three suggestions and send them to OB, who we're confident will further humiliate all of you wretches.
Posted by mrpink, Jul 18, 2008 1:01PM
I'm sure I could convince Corn Boy in the Wheat pit in the other room here to do something wacky, complete with video.
-mrp/cbot