Nov 11, 2009, 10:34am
Nov 10, 2009, 8:45am
Suicide is painless, unlike the the 20 year (plus however many more the judge adds on for my little stunt) a-reaming I've got coming my way. My only hope is that I don't run into any former clients while I'm in there. That would not feel good.
Surely you people can do better.
Earlier: Sam Israel Surrenders
Sep 15, 2009, 2:22pm
I sense some judgment from the Bloomberg reporter here re:...
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Sep 15, 2009, 2:00pm
Tudor BVI Global: August 2009: 0.5% YTD: 12.5% ...as for...
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Sep 09, 2009, 11:27am
Goldman Sachs partner managing director Richard Kimball Jr. apparently got...
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Sep 09, 2009, 10:15am
Ladies, if you've been looking to work under one of...
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Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 02, 2008 1:24PM
Oh, the fat f&ck was just too fat to run, duh
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:25PM
Of all the days to forget to wear a bro...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:27PM
Maybe if I just cover my ass with my hand, it'll all be ok...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:30PM
An Fellas? Can we stop by a Men's room? I'm prairie doggin' over here...
Posted by Gordon Gekko , Jul 02, 2008 1:33PM
Bitch set me up!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:33PM
You've got the wrong guy, I'm his twin brother Oscar...
Posted by HAM05 , Jul 02, 2008 1:33PM
clearly, youre not a golfer
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:34PM
Fuck..I knew the rope would have broken.
Posted by BlackSwan06 , Jul 02, 2008 1:35PM
Shoot! The Feds made me get dressed so quick I left my undies in the RV...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:35PM
elian gonzalez??
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:36PM
The whole jail sentence deal sucks, but pales in comparison to the case of fetal penis-head I've been dealing with since birth.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:37PM
Can you loosen the cuffs so I can pick the thong out of my crack?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:38PM
Wish me and Doc Brown finished that Time Machine
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:38PM
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, got any gum?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:38PM
Wish me and Doc Brown finished that Time Machine
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:39PM
Uh, is this where I should put the "Exit Only" tattoo?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:39PM
Wish me and Doc Brown finished that Time Machine
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:40PM
For a second I thought that was Ace Greenberg.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:41PM
my back hurts. oww.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:43PM
Does this tie make me look fat?
Posted by CNote , Jul 02, 2008 1:44PM
Isreal, while surrendering to authorities, was quoted as saying, "God dammit. I keep having to pull out egret feathers. Why didn't we pluck them before jamming him up there? At least Gere shaved the damn gerbil."
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:45PM
I'm going to prison to play hide the mayo.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:46PM
It wasn't me... It was the One armed man!!!!!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:47PM
I should have used more mayo on my sandwiches, yeah!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:48PM
Well we’ve got you now Israel, and it’s gonna cost you an extra 10 years. Now go home for 30 days before your new sentence begins.
Posted by FUNdamental , Jul 02, 2008 1:49PM
I'm up to three fingers! NOW I'm ready for prison, Brothers here I come. (And here's where you'll...ohhhh boooooo)
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:50PM
Suicide by brownie ingestion takes time.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:50PM
Why does everyone say I could be Meredith Whitney's body double?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:50PM
So then, I started walking towards the white light...and that crazy bastard in the Town Car nearly ran me over.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:50PM
Suicide is painless. A cellmate named Butch however...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:52PM
I sure could use some peanut butter cups about now!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:53PM
@1:33 wait, you really are oscar
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:54PM
I'm way too pretty for prison
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:54PM
Can we do house arrest until I have the baby?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:55PM
This is wack.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:56PM
"What's going to happen to my egret?"
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:56PM
That's actually Paul Giamatti.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:57PM
Jews will do anything for money. SInce when is that a crime?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:57PM
Will MASH be shown in the klink?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:58PM
I'm going to drag you to temple and get the rabbi to mozeltoph your face!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:59PM
Who loves ya' baby?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:59PM
Who loves ya' baby?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 1:59PM
Who loves ya' baby?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:00PM
Geez, I apologize for the multiple Telly Savalas references.
Posted by FUNdamental , Jul 02, 2008 2:00PM
@150 - +1 well done.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:00PM
Please, don't let me go back to NJ.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:02PM
i'm not your guy, friend
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:02PM
Couldn't be bothered.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:03PM
Candy Crowely heads to the CNN makeup room
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:03PM
"On the other hand...."
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:04PM
Now that the cyanide is fading, I am back in action.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:06PM
"You dont send bail-jumpers to federal-pound-me-in-the-a$$ prison, right?"
Posted by bank_teller , Jul 02, 2008 2:06PM
"... and the 2nd one was supposed to be an egret, but my jailhouse tat will be a tramp stamp riiiigghhtt oooovveeer heeeerrree..."
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:08PM
Who moved my cheese?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:08PM
i'm not your friend, guy!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:09PM
The officers were considerate generous to handcuff only one hand, allowing Israel to read off the 2nd quarter Bayou earnings
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:11PM
"OOPS...I DID IT AGAIN"
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:12PM
I'm not your guy, buddy!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:13PM
"Does my personal investment in Bayou qualify for restitution from the $156 million recovered by authorities?" asked Sam Israel III
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:13PM
Got Lasik. Saw my girlfriend for the first time.
Posted by big r , Jul 02, 2008 2:13PM
imoscar.com
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:15PM
What? I am a Red Sox fan.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:16PM
The Big Question.....
When do the investors get their money back from that turd? It seems that in the US, someone can steal $zillions, get caught, pay a relatively minor fine to the Govt, go to jail for a few, come out and be a very wealthy criminal celebrity.
The people he stole from get the end of the stick with the shit on it. Will this case be any different?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:17PM
Fresh Fish, Fresh Fish!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:22PM
What's for lunch.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:22PM
I was on sabatical but I am back now, I have some offshore investors very interested in backing my next venture R.I.P., Ltd. (Rikers Island Partners, Ltd.).
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:22PM
I'm not your buddy, fwiend!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:24PM
I'm not your buddy, pal.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:25PM
Where is my mommy? Can I see my mommy?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:31PM
Once you go black...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:32PM
[this is not a caption]
is it winter in Massachusetts? How come there are no leaves on the trees?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:34PM
@ 2:31
...your dick shrivels up and falls off!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:36PM
I am a buddhist now.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:40PM
Looks like a cross between Telly Savalas and Mister Potato head
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:40PM
Bess Levin without her wig.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:42PM
papa can you hear me.....
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:43PM
It puts lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:44PM
are those Dockers?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:44PM
@2:40 You take that back.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:48PM
it's carney without his make-up on.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:48PM
We don't need a death penalty. We've got the Tossed Salad* Man. If I had the choice between the electric chair and tossing a salad I'd be like, "So where do you plug it in? Shouldn't I be wet first?"
* Having your salad tossed means having your asshole eaten out with jelly or with syrup. I prefer syrup!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:48PM
Locked in cell block-A I see
Things they're going to do to me
The anal pain thats sure to be
I flease investors then I flee
Refrain
My pants wont soon be stainless
The Egrets are all blameless
And I'll be traded for smokes if they please
-countrarian
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:58PM
I LUV Black Dick
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:13PM
On the next episode of "Where are they now", we explore the rise and dall of pop brit recording artist, Boy George. Stay tuned...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:17PM
Do you really want to hurt me...do you really want to make me cry....
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:21PM
'I'm in deep.. ugh, I mean, they gonna go deep. I scared..
Note to self: be sure to buy some of them soap-on-a-roap things (Can't remember where I saw them but I seen 'em somewhere.. Maybe in some old movie.. but whatevers.. I sure somebody still sells 'em) as to thwart them mofo's waiting for my soap to slip out me hand.. You still got it old boy, you still got it [pat self on back]..'
D
Posted by Conflicts of disinterest , Jul 02, 2008 3:39PM
Ok, the good news is that while I was away I located the $400MM! After a very careful review, I have determined that it was stolen by the very same market speculators who have been manipulating the price of oil; can you say "two birds, one stone"? Here I have a seed proposal for a Canadian Recovery Fund... "Why Canada?", you may ask..
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:41PM
OMG! He's gonna get the mayo now!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:47PM
*WSJ: Federal Prosecutor: Israel Took Fentanyl, Morphine Tuesday
100% legitimate headline that just crossed on Reuters.
He couldn't even kill himself properly!!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:58PM
News Flash???
Sec'y Paulsen says today in London that he is looking for a way to let big IB's fail with the govt seeking to offer some kind of protection for the investors on the other side of the IB's trades. He wants something like the protection offered to commercial bank depositors.
Looks like there's a move to prevent any more Bear-type bailouts.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:58PM
He's just took a little, it will help when he uses the Klinger Defense at trial.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 4:01PM
And for my next trick, watch me pull an egret out of my a$$...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 4:05PM
Do I really look this bad? All the chicks used to tell me I was good looking. I wonder what went wrong...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 4:09PM
"Mom brokered hedge fund fugitive's surrender"
This is classic the big time hedge fund manager needed his mommy to broker a deal for his surrender!
Posted by Conflicts of disinterest , Jul 02, 2008 4:13PM
"He is such a good boy... really misunderstood," said his mother.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 4:27PM
A PI friend tells me the best way to catch deadbeats,con men or killers on the lam, is to get Momma's cell phone records.Eventually, the perp calls home, and one family member will know where he is hiding out.Once you get that info, creating a sting to flush him out is easier than doin' Babs Walters, and you can still look at yourself in the mirror.
Posted by bank_teller , Jul 02, 2008 4:30PM
my mom tells me it would be okay if i were a fugitive as long as i called home more often.
Posted by Clown Capital , Jul 02, 2008 4:45PM
SHOUT OUT TO 1:48PM!!!
HE'S THE ONLY ONE WORTH SHOUTING OUT. LMAO. BESS, GIVE THAT MAN AN AWARD!!!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 5:00PM
(2:48 is to be sung to the tune of Suicide is Painless)
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 6:58PM
I'm too sexy for my cat
too sexy for my cat
what you think of that?????
Watch your cornhole Sammy!