CNBC reports that Sam Israel III, the convicted former hedge fund manager who no one believed committed suicide after he failed to show up to start serving a 20-year sentence for defrauding clients of a bunch o' money, has been taken into custody in Southwick, Massachusetts. The industry's biggest M*A*S*H fan apparently surrendered himself to authorities at 9:30 this morning. Finally, we're going to find out if the unknown tattoo on the Bayou Group founder's hip is a. two egrets having sex b. two egrets having a type of sex that is illegal in 38 states or c. a depiction of interspecies sex between a human and a bird (participants: Sam Israel and egret). While we wait for more info to come out, someone riddle me this: do conjugal visits have to be between one human and another or are the rules flex enough to include feathered friends? Interested parties would like to know.
Sam Israel Surrenders
Posted by Bess Levin, Jul 02, 2008, 10:32am
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Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:34AM
great story
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:37AM
...compelling and rich.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:39AM
Bess, go over and find out the real story.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 02, 2008 10:44AM
wow this guy can't even pull off a fake suicide, how the hell did he convince anyone he could run a hedge fund, what a f'in piker!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:47AM
http://www.nowpublic.com/tech-biz/steve-rattner-paid-my-wife-500-000-00-leave-me
This is what is really important today
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:47AM
http://www.nowpublic.com/tech-biz/steve-rattner-paid-my-wife-500-000-00-leave-me
This is what is really important today
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:47AM
Analy, not only that, he couldn't even get his weak ass out of the country. Isn't rule #1 of running a scam to have a plane ticket to Namibia in your pocket at all times?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:47AM
http://www.nowpublic.com/tech-biz/steve-rattner-paid-my-wife-500-000-00-leave-me
This is what is really important today
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:47AM
http://www.nowpublic.com/tech-biz/steve-rattner-paid-my-wife-500-000-00-leave-me
This is what is really important today
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:48AM
Probably was exhausted from staying at lesser motels, having to actually drive himself around, drinking tap water instead of Perrier, dealing with window unit A/C, and eating at restaurants with poor wine selections. They say "being on the run" is tough, you know.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 10:50AM
I bet he just run out of egrets. I mean, the man needs to get some action.
Posted by Clown Capital , Jul 02, 2008 10:52AM
Israel's last words before being read Miranda:
"Not in front of the egret. She doesn't deserve this."
Posted by american bandersnatch , Jul 02, 2008 10:57AM
He got all the was to Mass. It was a valiant effort.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:01AM
unrelated subject: our intern is a certified retard
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:06AM
What a completely unclimatic end to a great story. It's like doing a minute man...
Turning yourself in is for pussies.
Posted by NSD , Jul 02, 2008 11:06AM
@11:01 - do tell. i always love dumb intern stories.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:10AM
it's a whooping crane.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:14AM
Bob Crane
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:24AM
The Times still thinks that finding the link between the windshield message and M*A*S*H was a revelation: "When Mr. Israel’s body failed to turn up and the message turned out to be the theme song of ”M*A*S*H,” the authorities began to suspect he was on the run."
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/03/business/03bayou.html?hp
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:29AM
The Times = The NY Post for dummies
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:37AM
That you, LeBeau?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:37AM
ABK halted - any ideas as to why?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:38AM
Net Result: Instead of spending the next 18 years a minimum security camp, he gets to spend the full 20 at a maximum security pound-you-in-the-ass federal prison. Have fun, Sam!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:45AM
ABK no halty.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:52AM
@11:38 - maybe that's what he was hoping for but was too embarrassed to ask.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 02, 2008 11:56AM
@ quadruple poster crying about steven rattner:
why the hell did he (you) marry a hooker? You're bitching about a rich guy stealing your wife, but totally ok that your wife is a prostitute? Huh?
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 11:57AM
What an idiot. If you do something wrong, you better be willing to face the music.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 12:00PM
I'm very dissapointed. This guy is a former Hedge Fund manager, with months to plan an escape and that's all he could come up with? I thought Israel was going to end up in some exotic country with his millions that he stashed away in foreign accounts and hideouts. What a let down.
Posted by BlackSwan06 , Jul 02, 2008 12:06PM
Seriously... Massa-friggin-chusetts was the best this guy could do? I swear I thought he'd be on an air mattress in Windhoek by now... How thoroughly disappointing. I expected a little more out of this guy... but given the MASH-inspired faux exit, I guess I shouldn't have had such lofty expectations given the "he went that-a-way" school of faking his own death...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 12:13PM
What a moron! Doesn't this guy know that citizenship to Togo only costs $8000! He could have easily made it out of the country with Togo passport in hand, only to run an ever bigger scam from that country. This is indeed a said day for the HF industry.
- The Indian Guy
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 12:16PM
That idiot could have been in Canada in less than 5 hours. He had a camper, he could have hung out Northern Canada and never been caught. On second thought, prison sounds better.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 12:20PM
I heard he tried to get into Connecticut but was turned away because he was wearing "Dockers".
Posted by a dead horse , Jul 02, 2008 12:42PM
With the spectacular success of his fund, did anyone really expect him to make it out of the US? Let's review his fake suicide plan...
1. Drive to a bridge
2. Write Suicide is Painless on your car
3. Run away
4. FOOL EVERYBODY!
His big plan was to park his car somewhere and write a note with the word suicide in it and suddenly EVERYONE WOULD BE FOOLED. Never mind that there would be one key ingredient missing from this recipe...a body...
He probably thought he was safe in Massachusetts. After all, his car was found in New York and EVERYONE thought he was dead. Why would anyone look for him in New England?
It really bothers me how dumb some of these people are.
Posted by a dead horse , Jul 02, 2008 12:46PM
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/07/02/israel.arrest/index.html
How did he get caught?
He never stopped talking to his mother. Unsurprisingly, the feds were able to establish a connection between Sam Israel and his mother. They then used the very sneaky technique of asking her where he was.
Seriously, how did this guy run a fund? I can't wait to start one, I could throw darts at tickers and still have a better strategy than this guy.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 12:51PM
What an idiot. Anybody find out where was he hiding for a month?
Faggot.
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 02, 2008 1:22PM
Sam Israel's purpose in life is to serve as a warning to all Investors to do their diligence and background checks on managers in whose funds they invest, nothing more, nothing less.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 2:32PM
Well, look, in this guy's defense, if history and Ted Kennedy have taught us anything its that when they find a car parked near a lake/river in Mass with a passenger mysteriously missing, they usually just let it go.
Posted by a dead horse , Jul 02, 2008 2:35PM
Anal_yst, he has one other purpose and it involves egrets and Barry White music
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 02, 2008 3:15PM
@ Dead Horse
I'm not sure if thats an asterix on his resume, or the proverbial "icing on the cake"
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 4:06PM
Since he failed at a getaway (who leaves a suicide note at the specific location of the supposed suicide?), the least he could have down was turn himself in in elaborate style.
What I would have done:
Supplies: 2 hits of LSD, Water-balloons, a small plane, 2 parachutes, an egret, and 20 stoners.
Start the day off with the 20 stoners, the egret, and the parachute at a local university. Get high with them in the parachute on campus (http://youtube.com/watch?v=FKb3qRljGBc). Cops will come, so have your airplane ready to go a block away. Once the cop comes and lifts up the parachute, everyone will run out, including the egret, which will be hilarious. Hop in plane, take 2 hits of LSD. Lift off. Fly the plane around a busy area, one with many pedestrians among the streets. Begin throwing water-balloons at the pedestrians below until the cops come. Once the cops arrive, ascend as high as you so feel, and jump out with your second parachute and many many water-balloons. Pelt the cops with the water-ballons for the duration of your descent. By this time, you should be high and mighty on the LSD, and will be giddy as hell as you are taken in.
Ciao.
Posted by guest , Jun 23, 2009 5:09PM
Conjugal visits aren't allowed but there's nothing banning bird fucking per se. http://www.bop.gov/inmate_locator/conjugal.jsp