• 29 Jul 2008 at 9:09 AM

Own A Piece Of Egret-Loving History

Picture 57.pngThis is the one we’ve been waiting for, people. Manhattan Federal Judge Colleen McMahon, none too pleased with the stunts pulled by Sam Israel, is taking away his toys. McMahon signed a preliminary agreement yesterday demanding the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan hand over the scooter he tooled around on after faking his death, the RV he was hiding out in, a Tiffany watch and the $932 that was in his pocket when he was arrested on July 2 in Southwick, Massachusetts. Here’s where we come in: all the items are being sold, with any profits– and if I know the DealBreaker audience and its sick fetishes, there will be many– going toward the $150 million Israel owes in restitution. We’ll post more information about the sale as soon as it’s available, and, in the meantime, pray to God authorities will recover the love tokens Israel had stashed around his apartment in anticipation of his reunion with the egret, and the condom they used on their last night together (just kidding– Israel convinced her to go without, noting that any man-bird that came of it was meant to be).
Wall St. Swindler Loses Scooter [NYDN]

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Comments (15)

  1. Posted by guest | July 29, 2008 at 9:12 AM

    Sam Israel is crazy. Obviously he didn’t eat enough MAYO growing up.

  2. Posted by guest | July 29, 2008 at 9:17 AM

    Goes without saying that she let him keep his ‘plug’ to ensure proper sizing for the bothers in the penitentiary.

  3. Posted by chad | July 29, 2008 at 9:18 AM

    The immaturity of this site is sickening. All of you need to grow up. Also, I heard the egret uses beak magnums.

  4. Posted by guest | July 29, 2008 at 9:22 AM

    They are selling everything in the RV seperate…bids for a tub of mayo?

  5. Posted by finance_baller | July 29, 2008 at 9:37 AM

    Any word if egret porn will be auctioned? Thanks.

  6. Posted by Anal_yst | July 29, 2008 at 10:11 AM

    Can I get the Zildjian hat por favor, yea I could just grab one @ Guitar Center, but this one has prov-e-nance!

  7. Posted by blndebnker | July 29, 2008 at 10:19 AM

    Israel convinced her to go without, noting that any man-bird that came of it was meant to be
    Wow, awesome. Good work Bess.

  8. Posted by CalgarySchmooze | July 29, 2008 at 10:38 AM

    Zildjian? He must have got the hat for free with the purchase of his gong.

  9. Posted by WillieBanks | July 29, 2008 at 11:11 AM

    Haha the Zildjian hat…are you a drummer Anal_yst?

  10. Posted by FUNdamental | July 29, 2008 at 11:15 AM

    When asked about his extra time out of the pen, he said only
    “I just made the egret a flightless species and it was beautiful”

  11. Posted by guest | July 29, 2008 at 11:18 AM

    and from that one encounter, human bird flu soon ravaged the world. the survivors will look back and can thank Israel for that.

  12. Posted by HAM05 | July 29, 2008 at 11:37 AM

    @11 NO! they are both clean – visit: http://www.stfree.com/ to make sure…

  13. Posted by Lowly Assistant | July 29, 2008 at 11:59 AM

    Haha!

  14. Posted by guest | July 29, 2008 at 12:31 PM

    NAMBLA =
    North American Man Bird Love Association
    -DK

  15. Posted by guest | July 29, 2008 at 2:48 PM

    What do fat chicks and scooters have in common?
    They’re both fun to ride until your friends see you on them.