Own A Piece Of Egret-Loving History

Picture 57.pngThis is the one we’ve been waiting for, people. Manhattan Federal Judge Colleen McMahon, none too pleased with the stunts pulled by Sam Israel, is taking away his toys. McMahon signed a preliminary agreement yesterday demanding the industry’s biggest M*A*S*H fan hand over the scooter he tooled around on after faking his death, the RV he was hiding out in, a Tiffany watch and the $932 that was in his pocket when he was arrested on July 2 in Southwick, Massachusetts. Here’s where we come in: all the items are being sold, with any profits– and if I know the DealBreaker audience and its sick fetishes, there will be many– going toward the $150 million Israel owes in restitution. We’ll post more information about the sale as soon as it’s available, and, in the meantime, pray to God authorities will recover the love tokens Israel had stashed around his apartment in anticipation of his reunion with the egret, and the condom they used on their last night together (just kidding– Israel convinced her to go without, noting that any man-bird that came of it was meant to be).
Wall St. Swindler Loses Scooter [NYDN]

(hidden for your protection)
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15 Responses to “Own A Piece Of Egret-Loving History”

  1. guest says:

    Sam Israel is crazy. Obviously he didn’t eat enough MAYO growing up.

  2. guest says:

    Goes without saying that she let him keep his ‘plug’ to ensure proper sizing for the bothers in the penitentiary.

  3. chad says:

    The immaturity of this site is sickening. All of you need to grow up. Also, I heard the egret uses beak magnums.

  4. guest says:

    They are selling everything in the RV seperate…bids for a tub of mayo?

  5. finance_baller says:

    Any word if egret porn will be auctioned? Thanks.

  6. Anal_yst says:

    Can I get the Zildjian hat por favor, yea I could just grab one @ Guitar Center, but this one has prov-e-nance!

  7. blndebnker says:

    Israel convinced her to go without, noting that any man-bird that came of it was meant to be
    Wow, awesome. Good work Bess.

  8. CalgarySchmooze says:

    Zildjian? He must have got the hat for free with the purchase of his gong.

  9. WillieBanks says:

    Haha the Zildjian hat…are you a drummer Anal_yst?

  10. FUNdamental says:

    When asked about his extra time out of the pen, he said only
    “I just made the egret a flightless species and it was beautiful”

  11. guest says:

    and from that one encounter, human bird flu soon ravaged the world. the survivors will look back and can thank Israel for that.

  12. HAM05 says:

    @11 NO! they are both clean – visit: to make sure…

  13. Lowly Assistant says:


  14. guest says:

    NAMBLA =
    North American Man Bird Love Association

  15. guest says:

    What do fat chicks and scooters have in common?
    They’re both fun to ride until your friends see you on them.