We didn't get stimulus checks. Obviously it's because the IRS hates us. If we did, we'd probably just waste it on 3G iPhones like everyone else on the internet. In middle America, however, they're spending their checks at Wal-Mart (the lines at Sears were too long), the gas station and groceries.
And, it seems, porn. According to Corey Lorinsky of ClusterStock, the porn industry is claiming a surprising rise in porn purchases in recent weeks. "Many of the sites we surveyed have reported 20-30% growth in membership rates since mid-May when the checks were first sent out, and typically the summer is a slow period for this market," irk Mishkin, head research consultant for Adult Internet Market Research Company.
In other news, being the head research consultant on porn sounds like it should be a lot more interesting job than it actually is.
Where The Government Stimulus Checks Really Went: Porn [ClusterStock]
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 02, 2008 3:06PM
i.want.that.job.
On-site research must be fan-freaking-tastic!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:08PM
WSJ
Lehman employees to get midyear bonuses equal to about 20% of compensation. Full story to follow shortly.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:12PM
all of these recent headlines make me think of sex, and then they start blending together....
Israel Pulls Out of Gaza After US Offers Stimulus
my mind is so twisted
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:26PM
Lehman 20% bonus....huh?
Posted by Suits , Jul 02, 2008 3:28PM
Now you're getting scooped by GasBag on bonus stories? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Posted by I am a Dude , Jul 02, 2008 3:29PM
Carney, we didnt realize you made so much $ that you didnt qualify for the stimulis check. impressive. smart choice to ditch law.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:36PM
Julie stimulates me, BIG TIME!
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:40PM
"What are you doing with your stimulus check?" is the new way to gauge how much a person makes. Sure it doesn't tell you how much you make exactly, but when you respond "funding your stimulus check" it firmly establishes that line between middle class and where you are.
-Nominate me
/guy who has had this conversation about 20x
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:44PM
If you're paying for porn, as opposed to being paid for it, you're on the wrong side of the deal.
Posted by I am a Dude , Jul 02, 2008 3:48PM
@3:40
good line
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:52PM
I am against all legal heterosexual porn... unless I am starring in it.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 3:54PM
Christie Brinkley alleges her current husband was spending $3,000.00/per month on porn. How do you keep up with the passwords?
Posted by Anal_yst , Jul 02, 2008 3:55PM
@ 3:54
It was part of Chris Cox (he he) new ala carte pron initiative
Posted by Clown Capital , Jul 02, 2008 3:57PM
@ 3:54
You would think that all those towels piled up in the laundry bin would be a dead give away.
Posted by HAM05 , Jul 02, 2008 3:58PM
really? you guys dont just close your eyes and use your imaginations??
kids these days...
Posted by diablo , Jul 02, 2008 4:29PM
Actually I think Carney didn't get a stimulus check because he "forgot" to file. Wasn't he hiding somewhere in SE Asia for the April 15th deadline? I vaguely remember...
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 4:33PM
According to Kirk Mishkin, Head Research Consultant for AIMRCo............
That's where Head Research takes a completely new meaning!!!!!
Posted by Joseph di Jersey City , Jul 02, 2008 4:45PM
@3:40 Good one but in NYC more than $85K (the cutoff for getting a check) could still be considered middle class. The article does suggest that many who make <85K are too lazy or stupid to find free porn on this internet though.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 4:51PM
Love those big booty hoes, yo.
Posted by StMarc , Jul 02, 2008 5:23PM
@3:54: You don't understand. He was having custom porn made for him.* There are many sites which offer this. It's about the only kind I'd consider paying for. The ability to dictate exactly which kind of ice cream is used as a sexual lubricant, what color the bad dye jobs should be on each performer and which vulgarities should be uttered in response to which obscene acts is a nearly irresistable attraction.
M
*I actually don't know that this is what he was doing. It's just one way you could spend that much a month on porn.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 5:27PM
St Marc, I don't believe you and that is disgusting.
(Do you have a link?)
Posted by StMarc , Jul 02, 2008 5:50PM
@5:27: I don't make the news, I just report it. I cannot post a link because that might be seen as an endorsement and contrary to the high principles of utter neutrality I maintain unless generously compensated for breaking them.
Google should reveal some in short order. They tend to be affiliated with websites that provide specialty erotica anyway (like "wet and messy" sites, or hypnotism sites, or what have you.) Many of them utterly baffle even an unreconstructed old reprobate such as myself.
M
Posted by Finnegan , Jul 02, 2008 6:21PM
I, being a poor and not in the industry, and several states left of middle America (Arizona), had my stimulus check used to pay the taxes I underpaid. However my access to free porn keeps all in perfect equilibrium.
Posted by I am a Dude , Jul 02, 2008 8:46PM
way to go Finny
Posted by Anonymous , Jul 02, 2008 9:10PM
Anyone who has to pay for porn has serious problems.
I look at it about 5-6 hours a day and never have to pay for it.
Posted by guest , Jul 02, 2008 9:37PM
"Christie Brinkley alleges her current husband was spending $3,000.00/per month on porn."
Never mind that, how much was he spending on Jergens?