• 01 Jul 2008 at 9:59 AM

UBS Adds Adult Supervision, People Who Know What They’re Doing To Operation

By Bess Levin

UBS said today that everyone can quit worrying about more writedowns coming out of the Swiss bank. It is assembling a new governing board– this one with “real supervisory function” as well as “financial expertise”– whose goal first and foremost will be to not lose money, which has not exactly been priority numero uno on the past. (In fairness to those who’ve been overseeing things up to this point, while they may not necessarily have been interested in avoiding catastrophe, they’ve certainly demonstrated a knack for using dulcet tones as a salve to ease sack-rippingly bad news, which should not be discounted.) So do not worry– that which was previously fucked is fucked no longer, and Landsbanki Kepler analyst Dirk Becker, who noted that the restructuring of governance “won’t help to get [UBS] out of the current crisis” has no idea what he’s talking about.
Writedown fears nag as UBS rejigs management [Reuters]
UBS Calls Shareholder Meeting to Elect Board Members [Bloomberg]

Comments (13)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:18 AM

    phew

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:24 AM

    I’ve met due diligence officers at UBS weehawken that were hired with 0 financial work experience, straight out of school with pomo arts degrees.
    I could never understand whether it was done on purpose so that there actually is no effective due diligence interfering with their tax evasion and money laundering services, or if they were just incapable of recruiting decent people.

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:26 AM

    More Writedowns = More Layoffs = 100% Certainty.

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:39 AM

    UBS will merge with Lehman soon.

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:47 AM

    Shake Shack will merge with Taco Bell soon.

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 11:02 AM

    “that which was previously fucked is fucked no longer”
    genius. pure genius. Bess, you are too funny…

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 11:10 AM

    to be fair, recruiting people to work in Weehawken has to be difficult

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 11:48 AM

    Disgruntled UBS Employee Wears “Stop Snitching” T-Shirt to Work (AP)
    http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gkfqB1qHWRxwONLq_BMZu82vedwgD91KGLMOA

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 12:59 PM

    This is just window dressing to hire this dude.
    I prefer window dressing of the Amsterdam sort — you know prostitutes dancing in windows. That is better. Way better than this board full of fags.

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 1:45 PM

    Legitimate question — can UBS become another Bear Stearns? Or even LEH?

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 6:54 PM

    @1:45 The incompetent UBS middle management is driving many good people out the door. I wouldn’t be surprised if (even if UBS survives the current mess) they will be so gutted that competitors will pick off the juicy bits leaving the putrid remains to rot.

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | July 2, 2008 at 12:06 AM

    The Stamford trading floor is pretty putrid.

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | July 2, 2008 at 5:24 AM

    The Stamford floor has always been pretty putrid, but the showers of cash disguised the smell.

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