• 01 Jul 2008 at 8:45 AM

UBS Laying The Perks On Thick

By Bess Levin

Man o’ the people UBS CEO Marcel Rohner has noticed that billions in writedowns, unsightly construction, and layoffs ’round the clock have taken their toll on company morale lately. No one smiles anymore in the halls. No one whistles when they work. No one laughs about last year’s insider trading charges, or the fact that the Stamford office, having been drained of its workers, is in the process of being converted into a giant fish bowl. And that’s a major buzz kill, at least on Rohner’s end, so in order to turn those frowns upside down, the CEO announced yesterday that all employees are entitled to take one extra day off in 2008. In order to redeem the freebie, you must be employed as of July 1st, and the gift of generosity does not apply to MDs (who will presumably be using the afternoon sans kids for a high impact shredding session of whatever documents need tending to). So take the day, recharge the batteries, and reignite that loving feeling you once had for UBS (and, if you can, remember those warm tingling feelings, and this unprecedented act of charity, during the next round of layoffs).
A Day Off For Grim UBS Staff [NYP]

Comments (27)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 8:50 AM

    yay, one extra day off before I quit from that shithole.

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 8:51 AM

    stamford office turning into a fishbowl? is there a story that goes w/ this?

  3. 3
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:00 AM

    i guess because we will probably have a lot of days off soon.,.. permanently.

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:05 AM

    What is the name of that UBS clown that was featured in the NY Post last summer paying for access to Hamptons events?

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:07 AM

    Management’s generous way of saying “update your resume on your own time, dammit”…

  6. 6
    Posted by Debter | July 1, 2008 at 9:09 AM

    Who’s this English hussy on with Mark Haines this morning? And where’s my girl Burnett?

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:10 AM

    burnett is in the ICU with extensive VD…poor bitch.

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:16 AM

    @9:09 she is Aussie.
    Bess thanks for giving me a wonderful morning of laughs – great article to start the day.

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:18 AM

    bringing in the foreigner for back up:
    http://www.cnbc.com/id/15839031/

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:19 AM

    mgmt is in a giving mood…. days off.. client names…..what’s next?

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:19 AM

    Does UBS still stand for ” U and Us”?
    or now is it “Us and Suphoenas”?
    How long before UBS pulls out of the US and dumps Wealth Mgmt and IB to the highest bidder?
    Bet business is down at Ruuths Chris in Weehawken these days…I hear that building is emptying quickly.

  12. 12
    Posted by Debter | July 1, 2008 at 9:20 AM

    you are correct, 9:16, sorry for the mix up…

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:22 AM

    Take a day off then use the jars of KY jelly in the men’s rooms. Even when we’re at work there’s not much to do. Might as well shag during work hours.
    Didoes for the women’s room stalls?

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 9:28 AM

    alrightythen

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:06 AM

    8:45 a.m. BL??
    I too am having trouble sleeping knowing that Ep is being unjustly incarcerated and denied freedom of conscience.
    We should all take off our shirts in protest.

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:19 AM

    I know due diligence officers at UBS weehawken that were hired with 0 financial work experience, straight out of school with pomo arts degrees.
    I could never understand whether it was done on purpose so that there actually is no effective due diligence interfering with their tax evasion and money laundering services, or if they were just incapable of recruiting decent people.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 10:27 AM

    They should be laying the mayo on thick. Mayo, now that is a real perk

  18. 18
    Posted by FUNdamental | July 1, 2008 at 10:49 AM

    Fish bowl? Did puff daddy cayne buy the stamford office?

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 11:08 AM

    I wonder if they are going to reinstate monthly birthday cakes for the groups… or is that still too expensive?
    I’m not joking.

  20. 20
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 11:58 AM

    @11:08
    I think it is more likely they will be having monthly good luck cakes for the members of the groups being layed off.

  21. 21
    Posted by blndebnker | July 1, 2008 at 12:15 PM

    @10:19 – Who else do you think would actually work in Weehawken? Do you know how hard it is to get there?

  22. 22
    Posted by FUNdamental | July 1, 2008 at 1:19 PM

    @blnde – what the hell is a weehawken?

  23. 23
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 1:48 PM

    weehawken is where you go to donkey punch your girlfriend.

  24. 24
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 1:53 PM

    haha donkey punches.

  25. 25
    Posted by Anal_yst | July 1, 2008 at 2:01 PM

    @ FUN
    That blue building when you come outa the lincoln tunnel is UBS in Weehawken (which sounds more like a line from a spaghetti western than a “town” in NJ, but w/e). I know that UBS runs kids in the program through there on rotation, which I’m told (rather unsurprisingly) sucks ass, as you’ve mentioned.

  26. 26
    Posted by FUNdamental | July 1, 2008 at 2:11 PM

    @anal – it sounds more like a suite at foxwoods

  27. 27
    Posted by guest | July 1, 2008 at 6:43 PM

    UBS is dropping the letter ‘d’ from their catch phrase to save printing costs:
    UBS 2007: You And Us
    UBS 2008: You AnUs

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