Amex Encourages Employees To Fire Each Other

When layoffs season really got into full swing, we urged you to get creative regarding how you went about firing people. (A few out of the box ideas included: "A game of Assassin," "turn off all the lights for five minutes and let everyone slap whoever they can at will/random. When the lights come on, the people with the reddest faces should be fired," "something having to do with a lethal strain of syphilis (the rule is it can't be treated)"). Goldman was the only one who did, though the Masters in HR refused to take ownership of their genius, only commenting "no comment" when asked about the Accelerated Analyst Program at GS. And that's no fun. If you're going to fuck with soon-to-be former employees you've got to own that shit.

Today a brave band of forward thinkers at Amex did just that. Tomorrow I hope you [Thain, Pandit, WHOEVER] will do the same. Apparently an e-mail went out to all AXP employees that said, paraphrasing, "As you know, we're in a rough economic environment...so we're launching a campaign called Speak Up and Speak Out, so that you can report on each others' violations without reprieve." We've got tons of cuts to make so no transgression is too small. Do you sense that the guy who sits next to you genuinely enjoys "Two and a Half Men"? LET US KNOW. Cost cutting or not, his ass deserves to be canned.

Comments

1

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 4:23PM

3 and a half men?

2

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 4:24PM

Does posting on dealbreaker count as an infraction...

3

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 4:26PM

I guess it does, in that case

http://tfpoi.com/2008/08/06/airlines-forming-moonite-chart-pattern/

that (Above) is definately an infraction

4

Posted by IA, Aug 06, 2008 4:34PM

That was a test. If you know exactly how many men are in the show's title, you fail like #1 did.

5

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 4:45PM

@3

I've been to that blog that you spam here, and it's legitimately terrible. You're wasting your time-- it won't even be a good resume builder because if people go to the site you'll be laughed at

6

Posted by Tapecracker, Aug 06, 2008 4:50PM

I love the 'assassin' idea... or even better; now that we are fast approaching the holiday season, I might suggest a "Gift Basket Eating Contest".
We had a grand ol' time last year culling up bets on the UBS trading floor as we cheered on one of the interns who was convinced he could eat a five pound wedge of (waxed) peccorino romano cheese in 15 minutes without throwing up. He took home about $2,800 cash for his efforts... stud.

7

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 4:53PM

Ouch bess, ouch.

8

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 5:18PM

What was the AXP email? Why not post it in full rather than paraphrase?

9

Posted by Anal_yst, Aug 06, 2008 5:36PM

Office Paintball is definitely the way of the future, just think, most floors are perfectly set up for urban combat

10

Posted by bank_teller, Aug 06, 2008 5:40PM

i thought 3.5 men was the subtitle of the documentary "The Making of Bionic Blankfein: Scientists Begain With Body Parts From..."

11

Posted by HAM05, Aug 06, 2008 6:07PM

fuck. i genuinely enjoy that show. that little fat kid is hilarious.

12

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 8:51PM

@13 Indeed. His name is Angus T. somethingorother. The earlier seasons of the show just started comming out on DVD this year. Great stuff!

TOGFD

13

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 9:13PM

It is a setup. Hunting the weak link, find the fucking rat and cut his throat. This is Doug Tabisch's program, hates rats. Heard he initially moved to AZ to hunt Gravano.

14

Posted by guest, Aug 07, 2008 4:51AM

If its true..well done Amex for building team spirit...not...

what a bunch of simple simon muthafukas...

if you cant trust the guy next to you for covering for you when you extend your lunch breaks occasionally who can you trust...

wankers

15

Posted by guest, Aug 07, 2008 11:20AM

Quick get a film crew over there. This is a hit reality show in the making.

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