• 28 Aug 2008 at 12:40 PM

Citi Will Return To Profitability One Chafed Ass At A Time

By

Speaking of reasons you should asked to be fired: it wasn’t included in the recent treatise on how a ban on color copies will make up for zillions in losses, but the paper at Citi’s 390 Greenwich Street “mysteriously went from went from double to single ply last week.” Not to give Vikram any ideas (yeah, he’s a reader), but can we get some guesstimates on how long it’ll be before C goes BYOTP?
Earlier: Cost Cutting At Citi All Part Of Master Plan But Not The One You Think

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Comments (28)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 1:12 PM

    Aren’t Citi business cards on one ply TP already?

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 1:26 PM

    I wonder what the bonus checks will be printed on?

  3. 3
    Posted by Anal_yst | August 28, 2008 at 1:28 PM

    @ 2
    what bonus checks?

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 1:42 PM

    Bonus checks will be printed on mayo

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 1:46 PM

    I’m sure they spend more money on Bob Rubin than TP and get less from him than they do from TP. The solution is obvious.

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 1:54 PM

    Is the point in the thread were some smart ass makes a comment about Indians and personal hygiene?

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 2:01 PM

    Yes this is the point bitch

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 2:08 PM

    I heard citi is getting rid of all toilet paper and issuing each employee a limited-edition Sham-Wow (yes, the phrase “live richly” will be silk-screen on to the sham-wow) to be used for ass wiping.

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 2:11 PM

    next step, three seashells

  10. 10
    Posted by CNote | August 28, 2008 at 2:15 PM

    Why not cut out TP alltogether? Worked well for Merrell…
    http://www.dealbreaker.com/2008/01/like_feces_throwing_monkeys_me.php

  11. 11
    Posted by CNote | August 28, 2008 at 2:17 PM

    …or “Merrill” as it were…
    I suck at life

  12. 12
    Posted by Anal_yst | August 28, 2008 at 2:21 PM

    @ 9
    Is that a Demolition Man reference?
    Hell, Arnold is already governor, so, ya know, it could happen…

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 2:35 PM

    @9 – Totally. Send out a MDK that TP.

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 2:38 PM

    was there any corn identified in the deucage?

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 2:39 PM

    that’s even worse than staff having to pay for the company christmas party

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 2:56 PM

    @ Anal_yst & 13- Yes, and thank you.
    I think the MDK is actually on C right now however.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 3:15 PM

    @16 – Totally. Why do I have a craving from Taco Bell?

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 3:56 PM

    Are you threatening me?

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 5:02 PM

    Bess, you’re killing me with these headlines…how in the hell did you get to be so damn funny?

  20. 20
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 5:04 PM

    can ‘toss a bat wing at you’ be the new db line?

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 5:07 PM

    dealbreaker: tossing bat wings at you since 2006

  22. 22
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 5:11 PM

    this bat wings thing. The thought of doing it makes me squirm, like the feeling you get when you imagine being kicked in the nuts. Just me?

  23. 23
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 6:03 PM

    @20 – Totally. But please make sure to give credit to the “Totally” guy, though.

  24. 24
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 6:11 PM

    Shamwow cleans up bong water with no problem.
    https://www.shamwow.com/flare/next
    SPODE

  25. 25
    Posted by guest | August 28, 2008 at 6:24 PM

    @21 – Totally, almost there. Should read:
    Dealbreaker: hurling bat wings at you since 2006.

  26. 26
    Posted by guest | August 29, 2008 at 9:51 AM

    I hear they switched from blue cups to brown ones at the watercooler.
    I don’t know what that will accomplish. Maybe fewer snails will be used to make the ink.

  27. 27
    Posted by guest | September 2, 2008 at 8:47 AM

    As long as they don’t ban the soap in the bathrooms…..eewwwww.
    um, future meetings with Citi, at our offices please.

  28. 28
    Posted by Trenton Arnspiger | May 9, 2012 at 10:16 PM

    We brew the inspiration. Trampoline Design builds the website. designtramp.com

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