John Carney is on his way back to Manhattan from Iowa, where he was trying to put a stop to this ethanol business once and for all. Meanwhile, Bess Levin is on a beach somewhere ready to shank anyone who comes between her and her margaritas (though she will in and out of here today/some days this week). And, since it’s August, you’re probably not reading this anyway. However, the show must go on and, after they downed several shots of whiskey, I was asked by the powers that be to help myself to Carney’s computer and am now in control here at DealBreaker HQ. Not that it was such a hard gig to get. In fact, when I walked in the office, the only thing close to anyone giving me trouble was when the Fashionista kids stopped me, looked at what I was wearing, and silently judged me before returning to their work making the world safe from the dangers of Armani Exchange purchasers.
So, who am I? My name is Lawrence Lewitinn and I’ll be your guest editor here at DealBreaker until Carney chases me out of the office.
At first, I was going to do something silly, like dedicate all my posts to two journalists who currently suffer under an oppressive regime, risking their lives on a daily basis to report the truth in the most dangerous work environment known to mankind while the world instead pays attention to the conflict of two superpowers. Of course, I’m talking about Rebecca Jarvis and Margaret Brennan at CNBC. However, though my newly vested powers allow me to publish whatever I feel like publishing, I’ll try to keep it as professional as possible. That said, Becky and Maggie, if you’re reading this, feel free to drop Carney a line on how to get in touch with me and I’ll be glad to meet up with either one — or both — of you at the Royal Cliffs Diner.
As for the rest of you, you can email your complaints to Carney as well.
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Lawrence Lewitinn
DealBreaker Seized! Writer Dedicates Posts to Oppressed Journalists! Things Get Weirder! Lots of Exclamations Used!
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Dude, break a leg.
PS: the sentences are too long though.
Carney’s brain develops another personality…
–Calgary Schmooze
This is going to be a long freaking week.
Too long, didn’t read.
How come you didn’t have a link with any stuff that would cause our IT guys would tattle on us?
~The Energy Desk
Is Bess seriously on vacation?
Hell with this, see y’all in September
-Set in his ways
dont mess this up dude
Lawrence…I got a gig for you last week of August if come off the bench and write another blog while blogger is on vacation! Hell, it may a nice little sideline thing for you, “pinch-hit blogger”
To quote:
“Though [Bess] will in and out of here today/some days this week …”
Do we get to watch?
No opening bell?
coffee’s for closers
Congratulations. The editor of the Hull Times would be proud.
Where’s Joe?
Can I send you a joke for a free lunch?
Lawrence doesn’t exist. He’s a figment of Carney’s imagination.
So can we look forward to ‘Bess Beach Webcam’ this week?
at first I read “shank” as “shag”, but that wouldn’t make any sense. Wishful thinking.
Carney wrote that. Can’t fool anyone.
“I’ll try to keep it as professional as possible.”
Don’t rock the boat, bro.