tomcruisetropicthunder.jpgMerrill Lynch may very well be in danger of failing but recent intel shows anecdotal evidence of Thain and Co. at least pretending to give a rat’s ass about not ending up both broke and crazy (by association). The Post reports that the firm is looking for any excuse to “retool” a deal made last year with Tom Cruise’s production company, United Artists.
As of now Merrill is committed to shelling out $500 million in financing for 15 to 18 movies but “has been combing through its contract for any potential triggers to a default on a loan as a key to reopen talks” in an attempt to safeguard MER from losing millions provided Cruise continues on the batshit insane trajectory, including breaking the deal entirely. Though Jerry is supposedly the best part of Tropic Thunder, in his role as a fat, balding movie mogul, UA did not produce the film. Instead, it produced Valkyrie which is said to be prettay prettay prettay bad, and has a slew of other films on the horizon in which Scientology boy takes himself too seriously, the press for which will likely be compromised by the presence of thetans. UA parent company Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer has hired Goldman Sachs to shut down any maneuvering by Merrill.
In any event, a full-length version of the following is our recommendation if UA/TC/MER are interested in making bank:


See more Jerry Minor videos at Funny or Die

Comments (15)

  1. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 11:03 AM

    Tom’s gonna come out ok, everyone’s tryin to distance themselves because his longtime partner(paula wagner) left UA. Tom makes good movies. Well most of the time.
    and he’s kinda chilled out on the crazy.

  2. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 11:14 AM

    if he made good movies then why would they care about losing wagner, 11:03?

  3. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 11:18 AM

    Based upon that picture, he could play Sam Israel if they ever make a movie about Bayou. I doubt it would make money but then again neither did Bayou.

  4. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 11:20 AM

    TC was very funny in Tropic Thunda. I think he and UA will be fine.

  5. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 11:22 AM

    @2 – The same reason you would be nervous if you had any two man team, and one of them left. They aren’t sure who left Jordan or Pippen.

  6. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 11:23 AM

    @4– UA didn’t produce Tropic thunder

  7. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 11:43 AM

    @6 I know – L Ron told me to put those two comments together

  8. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 12:29 PM

    $500MM deal with an insane cult member. Way to go ML!

  9. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 1:01 PM

    Les Grossman reminds me of a Ft. Worth hedge fund owner.

  10. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 1:04 PM

    @8 does it matter what he does in his spare time? As if money cares what your hobbies are.

  11. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 1:09 PM

    #8 – Please post your IP address and phone number. We would like to conduct an interview with you as soon as possible. We are not affiliated with The Church of Scientology in ANY WAY.

  12. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 1:56 PM

    @10: You are obviously a member of the cult. It matters whether he is a sane person who can deliver on the deal or will go further off of the deep end resulting in ML taking a huge loss per film.
    Hope this helps.

  13. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 3:11 PM

    @12 not a member of any cult(religion) actually, they all kind of have equal footing. I’d rather have a business savy scientologist vs. a non-money making jew/christian/muslim/atheist.

  14. Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 10:35 PM

    name one business savvy scientologist.

  15. Posted by Anal_yst | August 26, 2008 at 12:01 AM

    @ 13
    You’re clearly not a finance professional (or even student), although possibly a (former?) Merrill employee.

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