Changes afoot at Merrill Lynch today. Not profitability or anything crazy like that but perhaps a step in that direction? The firm has instituted a global hiring freeze to last at least through next year. The ban on personnel includes "no incremental hires," "no on-boarding* of contingent workers," and "no new management consulting." Presumably it does not extend to the many current and former Goldman employees Thain would like to bring on. Blurry memo after the jump.
*Waterboarding of contingent workers, however, is encouraged.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:27AM
I'll believe it when Dealbreaker posts the......huh? Oh, there it is. Nevermind.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:33AM
truly an ultrasharp monitor
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:34AM
Does this include summer interns?
Posted by CNote , Aug 13, 2008 10:35AM
Anyone over there at Merrill know much about these "Compooter" things to hit Alt-Print Scrn?
Then you can just send that image over the interwebs and people can see it way better than if you just take your 1985 Polaroid Instamatic and snap a pick.
Posted by John Carney , Aug 13, 2008 10:36AM
We do encourage you to send screen shots. They're not really easily searchable. But for extra security in these tough times, taking camera phone pictures and sending them to our text line is probably more secure.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:39AM
Cnote,
Using your camera phone bypasses Merrill's interweb and thereby protects tipper from joining masses "Thinking About Seeking Employment At Merrill"
That's just me. You should still feel free to email tips and forward corporate email from work.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:41AM
does this include new analyst and associate hires?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:45AM
What about the incremental hiring in India?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:48AM
I heard the freeze is even in effect for their summer janitorial program.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:51AM
How is Merrill even afloat? They lost $20 billion net over the last 4 Q's. How does any company lose that much and survive?
Posted by CNote , Aug 13, 2008 10:51AM
@6. Good point, see takeareport.com...
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:53AM
wut r associate numbers?
Posted by Joe Weisenthal , Aug 13, 2008 10:57AM
Print screen requires use of company email.
Camera pics can be done on a personal phone. Big diff in level of personal security.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 10:58AM
heard top associates got a John Thain bobblehead doll
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 13, 2008 10:58AM
Eh, at this point a 6-month funded vacation doesn't sound too bad at all, forward emails from corporate email with impunity...
...btw any word on the guy from takeareport? If he was as good/respected a trader as it seems, I'm surprised he hasn't been picked up yet on the buy side
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 11:08AM
Ummm, you do not get vacation funding when you are fired for leaking internal stuff. You get zilch. Thet severence is only for involuntary termination that was not triggered by you.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 11:14AM
Does this include Managing Directors?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 11:44AM
1. Print Screen
2. Open Excel
3. Paste
4. Right click
5. Select "Crop"
6. Crop image to almost nothing
7. Add some BS that makes the sheet look like a grocery list
8. Send it and make sure to tell recipent to "uncrop" the image...
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 11:47AM
The take a report guy won't have to trade stocks anymore. He'll be in the entertainment business.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 11:51AM
http://gawker.com/5035534/wall-street-jerkblogger-fired-for-his-jerky-blog
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 11:51AM
It's not just a Thain bobblehead, but one in a wrestling outfit.Beats the shit out of my GI Joe action figures, the lucky shits....
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 11:52AM
@18-- thanks for the tutorial! now, send db some proprietary information using that step by step guide, since it's fire-proof, right?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 12:08PM
1. Open email.
2. Go to File, then Print
3. Retrieve email from printer.
4. Walk to shady tattoo parlor on w. 4th street.
5. Get email tattoo'd on your back. (be as faithful to the original email as possible. same font, headings, text size, etc.)
6. Take picture of tattoo. (will be especially authentic if you're partying at a bar and you take your shirt off to showcase your new ink when picture is taken)
7. Post this picture on your totally fucking sweet myspace page. Preferably next to the audio controls of the Puddle of Mudd track you have playing on your page.
8. Send DB link to your kick ass myspace.
Posted by Joseph di Jersey City , Aug 13, 2008 12:09PM
18, et al: The fly in the ointment is that work emails are permanently archived and, as 16 pointed out, can provide a great excuse to fire someone for cause without any severance. Do you really think that an IB's Compliance division couldn't come up with the idea of pulling up all emails sent to Dealbreaker and reading them carefully?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 12:10PM
20 associate interns from my MBA program are SOL.
At least they have something to do. Better than the 0 interns who are going to BSC
Posted by Anal_yst , Aug 13, 2008 12:24PM
@ 16
In the majority of cases, couldn't a company screw you for pretty much anything, including, but not limited to say, commenting on DB?
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 12:27PM
@anal_yst: yeah, they can screw you for anything but it's (WAY) more likely that you'd get fired for sending dealbreaker your company's internal memo than commenting on the site, not to mention the fact that it'd be way easier to track doing the former (especially if you're a moron like 18 and sending it from your work account) than the latter.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 12:31PM
@18 Well played. You had me at #5. Very Mementoish as in the movie with Guy Pearce.
Thanks for making fun of the kids in finance today with totally fucking sweet myspace or facebook pages. Let's all get inked up so the boss can't see my tats, but the chicks on the train to Quouge can since I'm wearing my Rainbow sandals. Dicks.
Posted by Lowly Assistant , Aug 13, 2008 12:44PM
"Post this picture on your totally fucking sweet myspace page. Preferably next to the audio controls of the Puddle of Mudd track you have playing on your page."
haha. Nicely played.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 3:02PM
i cant read that image...
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 3:59PM
The picture is not too clear. Maybe someone in South Mumbai should take it, in between placing trades for Merril Lynch of course.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 3:59PM
The picture is not too clear. Maybe someone in South Mumbai should take it, in between placing trades for Merril Lynch of course.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 4:01PM
The picture is not too clear. Maybe someone in South Mumbai should take it, in between placing trades for Merril Lynch of course.
Posted by EricM , Aug 13, 2008 4:29PM
@27 actually, the latter isn't too difficult either.
Posted by guest , Aug 13, 2008 7:31PM
This policy is called "dumb sizing".