• 22 Aug 2008 at 4:38 PM

Senior Yacrosoft Correspondent Travis Says Good-Bye

By Dealbreaker

carl_icahnshades.jpgTo the “too long, didn’t read” guy: Might as well post it now, fucker.
Today marks my final day of having the privilege to be speculated upon as being a gay cowboy or a program director at WKRP. I’ve enjoyed being a protégé of Carney and Bess while stalking Carl Icahn for most of the summer and having a commenter repeatedly tell me that nobody cares about Yahoo.
So, in honor of my departure, here’s a favorite/best of/underrated/etc. list for this summer:
Favorite recurring story: Sam Israel – One word. Egret. This nutcase, whose business card I almost won on eBay, sparked the biggest debate of the summer among readers about what kind of bird was on his card. I personally believed it was a pelican.
Most underrated story: “Wizards of Short-Selling.” It came at a bad time when nobody was around, yet it was still hilarious. Especially that fake David Blaine video.
Most criticized post: “DealBreaker’s Guide To Living Just Above The Poverty Line.” This piece garnered such niceties like:
1) “Ben” Give up. You suck.
2) Ben–You missed the obvious, you douchbag!
3) Horrible article. Not in the least bit funny. I hope this is the last time this community college reject gets an article posted on Dealbreaker.
Tough crowd.
Best Office to Comment Board Romance: Bess and girl – Some of you had that tingling in your pants when you read their lovely back-and-forth prose.
Most annoying recurring comment: Mayo mayo mayo.
Favorite commenter: Anal_yst – You threatened to beat the mayo out of me and your username disturbs me, but I thought in general you had the most useful and worthy comments.
Best comment: “J.C., I hate you, and I hate your libertarian rants. I hope that one day you find yourself uninsured. I hope that at this time you find yourself in need of medical attention. I hope that we have socialized medicine at this time. Not because I believe in it, but because you would have the opportunity to write the most ridiculous rant against our welfare society. I hope that you die shortly after your diatribe is published. I hate you
Warm Regards,
The Anti-Christ”
Most Overrated Lunch Meal: Shake Shack. The milkshake was good, but the burger was bland.
Biggest regret: Not talking to the cute Fashionista girl twenty feet away in the office.
Biggest Financial D-Bag: Prescott Hahn. I’m kinda pissed I missed out on the Fashion Meets Finance event. Maybe I could have gotten a picture with this turd. At least I called his phone, but I got no answer.
Runner up: As commenters 7 and 17 pointed out, this trio of idiots: (go to 1:38 of the video).
I sign off with this nonsensical video in their honor.



Thanks!

Comments (19)

  1. 1
    Posted by guest | August 22, 2008 at 4:47 PM

    Too long didn’t read
    Mayo….

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | August 22, 2008 at 4:53 PM

    Sad that your one and only worth reading post was your last one. Oh well, maybe they’ll give you a tabula rasa like Bess has next time you’re in DB’s offices instead of limiting your thoughts to all-things-no-one-cares-about (i.e. Yahoo).

  3. 3
    Posted by finance_baller | August 22, 2008 at 4:56 PM

    “…might as well post it now fucker” At least you were funny on the way out. And mayo should die.

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | August 22, 2008 at 5:00 PM

    too much mayo, didn’t read

  5. 5
    Posted by Anal_yst | August 22, 2008 at 5:03 PM

    Travis -
    Be afraid, be very afraid…
    Hugs,
    Anal_yst
    jk and such! godspeed sir wherever you’re going/whatever/whomever you’re doing

  6. 6
    Posted by mrpink | August 22, 2008 at 5:40 PM

    Take care Travis!
    Godspeed!
    -mrp

  7. 7
    Posted by mrpink | August 22, 2008 at 5:42 PM

    Speaking of interns, it’s sad that the one cute intern on our floor has left back to school today. I guess this means I will have to resort to looking at Dealbreaker and Tanner again.
    -mrp

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | August 22, 2008 at 6:51 PM

    you like me, you really like me
    Take Care,
    The Anti-Christ
    p.s. Carney, we have unfinished business over that little racism bit from earlier this week.

  9. 9
    Posted by Finnegan | August 22, 2008 at 7:02 PM

    Good luck Travis and nice job.

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | August 23, 2008 at 8:05 PM

    Oooh, Anti-Christ, you’re threatening Carney with MORE anonymous posts on an IBB! I am sure he’s trembling in his white robes.

  11. 11
    Posted by I am a Dude | August 24, 2008 at 12:13 PM

    good luck dude, whichever college you might be in. we envy you for being able to ogle at bess for hours.

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | August 24, 2008 at 12:54 PM

    Hey, Travis! Thanks for your contributions. Good luck back at college and we hope to see your byline again in the world of online journalism.

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | August 24, 2008 at 5:33 PM

    Too good. Will miss.

  14. 14
    Posted by chad | August 25, 2008 at 8:27 AM

    shake shack burger bland? bullcrap.

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 9:00 AM

    call of the year on shake shack, if milkshakes are worth the wait is debatable, the food never is.

  16. 16
    Posted by girl | August 25, 2008 at 9:28 AM

    Aw shucks Kiddo, glad to have been of service.
    Consider this a parting gift:
    http://deadspin.com/5015813/a-special-balls-deep-message-to-the-class-of-2008

  17. 17
    Posted by arthurcutten | August 25, 2008 at 9:52 AM

    Who is the fashionista, Bess?
    lol

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 9:56 AM

    the anti christ is the man

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | August 25, 2008 at 10:28 AM

    Thanks Travis, remember us slaving away our days while you are back at school drinking and having a good time.
    @ girl – that was great.

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