To the “too long, didn’t read” guy: Might as well post it now, fucker.
Today marks my final day of having the privilege to be speculated upon as being a gay cowboy or a program director at WKRP. I’ve enjoyed being a protégé of Carney and Bess while stalking Carl Icahn for most of the summer and having a commenter repeatedly tell me that nobody cares about Yahoo.
So, in honor of my departure, here’s a favorite/best of/underrated/etc. list for this summer:
Favorite recurring story: Sam Israel – One word. Egret. This nutcase, whose business card I almost won on eBay, sparked the biggest debate of the summer among readers about what kind of bird was on his card. I personally believed it was a pelican.
Most underrated story: “Wizards of Short-Selling.” It came at a bad time when nobody was around, yet it was still hilarious. Especially that fake David Blaine video.
Most criticized post: “DealBreaker’s Guide To Living Just Above The Poverty Line.” This piece garnered such niceties like:
1) “Ben” Give up. You suck.
2) Ben–You missed the obvious, you douchbag!
3) Horrible article. Not in the least bit funny. I hope this is the last time this community college reject gets an article posted on Dealbreaker.
Tough crowd.
Best Office to Comment Board Romance: Bess and girl – Some of you had that tingling in your pants when you read their lovely back-and-forth prose.
Most annoying recurring comment: Mayo mayo mayo.
Favorite commenter: Anal_yst – You threatened to beat the mayo out of me and your username disturbs me, but I thought in general you had the most useful and worthy comments.
Best comment: “J.C., I hate you, and I hate your libertarian rants. I hope that one day you find yourself uninsured. I hope that at this time you find yourself in need of medical attention. I hope that we have socialized medicine at this time. Not because I believe in it, but because you would have the opportunity to write the most ridiculous rant against our welfare society. I hope that you die shortly after your diatribe is published. I hate you
Warm Regards,
The Anti-Christ”
Most Overrated Lunch Meal: Shake Shack. The milkshake was good, but the burger was bland.
Biggest regret: Not talking to the cute Fashionista girl twenty feet away in the office.
Biggest Financial D-Bag: Prescott Hahn. I’m kinda pissed I missed out on the Fashion Meets Finance event. Maybe I could have gotten a picture with this turd. At least I called his phone, but I got no answer.
Runner up: As commenters 7 and 17 pointed out, this trio of idiots: (go to 1:38 of the video).
I sign off with this nonsensical video in their honor.
Thanks!
Too long didn’t read
Mayo….
Sad that your one and only worth reading post was your last one. Oh well, maybe they’ll give you a tabula rasa like Bess has next time you’re in DB’s offices instead of limiting your thoughts to all-things-no-one-cares-about (i.e. Yahoo).
“…might as well post it now fucker” At least you were funny on the way out. And mayo should die.
too much mayo, didn’t read
Travis -
Be afraid, be very afraid…
Hugs,
Anal_yst
jk and such! godspeed sir wherever you’re going/whatever/whomever you’re doing
Take care Travis!
Godspeed!
-mrp
Speaking of interns, it’s sad that the one cute intern on our floor has left back to school today. I guess this means I will have to resort to looking at Dealbreaker and Tanner again.
-mrp
you like me, you really like me
Take Care,
The Anti-Christ
p.s. Carney, we have unfinished business over that little racism bit from earlier this week.
Good luck Travis and nice job.
Oooh, Anti-Christ, you’re threatening Carney with MORE anonymous posts on an IBB! I am sure he’s trembling in his white robes.
good luck dude, whichever college you might be in. we envy you for being able to ogle at bess for hours.
Hey, Travis! Thanks for your contributions. Good luck back at college and we hope to see your byline again in the world of online journalism.
Too good. Will miss.
shake shack burger bland? bullcrap.
call of the year on shake shack, if milkshakes are worth the wait is debatable, the food never is.
Aw shucks Kiddo, glad to have been of service.
Consider this a parting gift:
http://deadspin.com/5015813/a-special-balls-deep-message-to-the-class-of-2008
Who is the fashionista, Bess?
lol
the anti christ is the man
Thanks Travis, remember us slaving away our days while you are back at school drinking and having a good time.
@ girl – that was great.