Citi Will Return To Profitability One Chafed Ass At A Time

Posted by Bess Levin, Aug 28, 2008, 12:40pm

Speaking of reasons you should asked to be fired: it wasn't included in the recent treatise on how a ban on color copies will make up for zillions in losses, but the paper at Citi's 390 Greenwich Street "mysteriously went from went from double to single ply last week." Not to give Vikram any ideas (yeah, he's a reader), but can we get some guesstimates on how long it'll be before C goes BYOTP?

Earlier: Cost Cutting At Citi All Part Of Master Plan But Not The One You Think

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Tags: Citi, cost cutting, sand paper

Comments

1

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 1:12PM

Aren't Citi business cards on one ply TP already?

2

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 1:26PM

I wonder what the bonus checks will be printed on?

3

Posted by Anal_yst, Aug 28, 2008 1:28PM

@ 2

what bonus checks?

4

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 1:42PM

Bonus checks will be printed on mayo

5

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 1:46PM

I'm sure they spend more money on Bob Rubin than TP and get less from him than they do from TP. The solution is obvious.

6

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 1:54PM

Is the point in the thread were some smart ass makes a comment about Indians and personal hygiene?

7

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 2:01PM

Yes this is the point bitch

8

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 2:08PM

I heard citi is getting rid of all toilet paper and issuing each employee a limited-edition Sham-Wow (yes, the phrase "live richly" will be silk-screen on to the sham-wow) to be used for ass wiping.

9

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 2:11PM

next step, three seashells

10

Posted by CNote, Aug 28, 2008 2:15PM

Why not cut out TP alltogether? Worked well for Merrell...

http://www.dealbreaker.com/2008/01/like_feces_throwing_monkeys_me.php


11

Posted by CNote, Aug 28, 2008 2:17PM

...or "Merrill" as it were...

I suck at life

12

Posted by Anal_yst, Aug 28, 2008 2:21PM

@ 9

Is that a Demolition Man reference?
Hell, Arnold is already governor, so, ya know, it could happen...

13

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 2:35PM

@9 - Totally. Send out a MDK that TP.

14

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 2:38PM

was there any corn identified in the deucage?

15

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 2:39PM

that's even worse than staff having to pay for the company christmas party

16

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 2:56PM

@ Anal_yst & 13- Yes, and thank you.

I think the MDK is actually on C right now however.

17

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 3:15PM

@16 - Totally. Why do I have a craving from Taco Bell?

18

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 3:56PM

Are you threatening me?

19

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 5:02PM

Bess, you're killing me with these headlines...how in the hell did you get to be so damn funny?

20

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 5:04PM

can 'toss a bat wing at you' be the new db line?

21

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 5:07PM

dealbreaker: tossing bat wings at you since 2006

22

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 5:11PM

this bat wings thing. The thought of doing it makes me squirm, like the feeling you get when you imagine being kicked in the nuts. Just me?

23

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 6:03PM

@20 - Totally. But please make sure to give credit to the "Totally" guy, though.

24

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 6:11PM

Shamwow cleans up bong water with no problem.

https://www.shamwow.com/flare/next

SPODE

25

Posted by guest, Aug 28, 2008 6:24PM

@21 - Totally, almost there. Should read:

Dealbreaker: hurling bat wings at you since 2006.

26

Posted by guest, Aug 29, 2008 9:51AM

I hear they switched from blue cups to brown ones at the watercooler.

I don't know what that will accomplish. Maybe fewer snails will be used to make the ink.

27

Posted by guest, Sep 02, 2008 8:47AM

As long as they don't ban the soap in the bathrooms.....eewwwww.

um, future meetings with Citi, at our offices please.

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