• 08 Aug 2008 at 9:02 AM

UBS Will Pay $19.4 Billion To Avoid Cuomo Ass ReamingTM

By

UBS will buy back bonds for $19.4b [Boston Globe]

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Comments (21)

  1. 1
    Posted by Tapecracker | August 8, 2008 at 9:32 AM

    so… is there an over/under on when UBS breaks off the IB?

  2. 2
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 9:33 AM

    first

  3. 3
    Posted by CNote | August 8, 2008 at 9:38 AM

    @9:33
    You suck at life

  4. 4
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 9:55 AM

    You mean that highly valued portion of UBS? I can’t imagine…

  5. 5
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 9:56 AM

    @2 kick yourself in the balls

  6. 6
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 10:29 AM

    Is UBS finished?

  7. 7
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 10:29 AM

    UBS is paying Lazard to do a strategic review that will given them permission to shave off the IB. This objective opinion will save them the embarrassment of changing their minds about their vaunted “integrated business model.” Look for Lazard’s surprise results in October. Ho hum.

  8. 8
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 10:32 AM

    Too long, didn’t read.

  9. 9
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 10:49 AM

    #8 that gets funnier every time

  10. 10
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 10:51 AM

    cuomo, jr: a Spitzer in a tailored suit.

  11. 11
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 12:11 PM

    Where is UBS getting $19 billion from?

  12. 12
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 3:51 PM

    What about Morgan Stanley? Are they going to be on the hook as well?

  13. 13
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 6:08 PM

    How does this affect JPM/Lehman?

  14. 14
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 6:15 PM

    that’s pretty ironic considering that some pay good money to get reamed in the ass by cuomo.

  15. 15
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 6:16 PM

    NYC is so fucked.
    Banned?

  16. 16
    Posted by guest | August 8, 2008 at 10:33 PM

    How would UBS go about selling or spinning off its IB division in times like now?
    UBS will have to pay someone to take it. A little like giving an ugly daughter a big dowry to piss off and get married with whoever comes her way.
    There will only be value if UBS can separate the FICC business from the Corporate Finance business and sell off the pure investment banking business sans the FICC business. I suspect Lazard was hired to come up with a way to restructure the IB business to enable a such a sale or spin-off in 2009.
    UBS’s DCM, ECM, and M&A businesses are still performing strongly and will be a nice addition to the likes of HSBC, Santander, BNP, or Barclays.
    But I can’t see UBS spinning off the i-bank to its shareholders due to the legal and accounting complexities of such a move. It also means UBS will have to tell the truth on the i-bank’s financial position. Furthermore, in the words of one Kennedy Thompson, existing UBS shareholders “have had all the fun they can take with investment banking” and want closure.

  17. 17
    Posted by guest | August 9, 2008 at 1:31 PM

    For this go to the Mountain(s?); 100 Hookers in Hedge Funds..or is it 100 Hedge Funds in Hookers?

  18. 18
    Posted by guest | August 9, 2008 at 1:47 PM

    Just hope there’s no truth to drg and orgy rumours involving mafiosi screaming from the pain of butt-plug insertions(not that there’s any wrong w banker-inserted butt-plugs, in Zurich..johhny F leading the charge

  19. 19
    Posted by guest | August 9, 2008 at 2:07 PM

    If,as stated, the IB Fucked wealth management clients up the Ass, what do you think the options are if they don’t want to disappear altogether. They are in big trouble not just because of Hew Jenkins but also John Fraser at Asset Management (clown city). Everyone should go…and the building manager can shut off the lights. Investors are such stupid MFs.

  20. 20
    Posted by guest | August 9, 2008 at 2:11 PM

    If I had had personal wealth with them, I would be lunching w lawyers all week long. Total pieces of shit.

  21. 21
    Posted by guest | August 9, 2008 at 6:16 PM

    And if Scoby gets divorced and Dudley gets another u kn wh ..they are fucked..even more, which it exactly what that co needs.

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