We Can Be Bought

Posted by Bess Levin, Aug 06, 2008, 10:30am

carl_icahnshades.jpgAs mentioned yesterday in Write-Offs, activist investor Carl Icahn has hired Reuters reporter Dane Hamilton to write for his blog, The Icahn Report. Hamilton was at the newswire for seven years, primarily writing about alternative investments and no doubt made a name for himself covering the Destroyer of all Worlds v. Innocent Little Website case in April 2007. So, congratulations to Dane. And thank you for opening the door for Carney and I to put something out there that we've been thinking about for a while: we can and would like to be bought. I'm not talking about a sale of DealBreaker or the Breaking Media* network of sites. I'm talking about the sale of myself and Carnoi, to some billionaire or otherwise notable person interested in starting a blog and looking for an Irish man or Jewish girl to spice up the agenda with interest rate commentary and many instances and derivatives of the word 'fuck,' respectively.

While Carney and I are technically in a relationship with Dealbreaker, the following are individuals we'd be more than willing, nay dying, to leave this hellish Siberia of financial journalism for; think of them as our Lists. If you see your name below, PLEASE GET IN TOUCH, at least to just get a dialogue going. I promise you, this will be a win-win situation, for all involved.

***Note: The following are in no particular order.***

Carney's List:
-- Steve Schwarzman
-- Warren Buffett
-- (Former SEC commissioner) Paul Atkins (direct quote: "I would do anything for Paul Atkins.")

Bess's List
-- Bill Ackman (/really any members of Team Black Magic)
-- Jim Simons
-- (I'm 150% serious about this post and, realistically, there's no way Goldman will allow him to maintain a blog but I can't in good conscience leave him off:) Snarf Blankfein
-- Ping Jiang

*That's our new name, apparently. No more Dead Horse. Tell your friends.

4Recommend this! 21Comments

Tags: Carl Icahn, great ideas

Comments

1

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 11:09AM

Bess,
Where is Joe and his opening bell?

2

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 11:19AM

Schwarzman did not want Joe in the team move. He had to go.

3

Posted by Lowly Assistant, Aug 06, 2008 11:20AM

Oh, this shit cracks me up!

4

Posted by finance_baller, Aug 06, 2008 11:25AM

I think Sam Israel may need a blog writer wince he has no computer access and Egrets are notorious for their inability to use spell check.

5

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 11:27AM

ROTFL! even funnier than Henry Blodget's offer to buy the New York Times Online. Nice work Bess!

6

Posted by Finnegan, Aug 06, 2008 11:36AM

Bess's list is better. Can do without Schwarzman...spend more time holding his ego for him than writing his bon mots.

7

Posted by Anal_yst, Aug 06, 2008 11:44AM

I'd just like to state that I, too, can be bought, fwiw, all offers considered

8

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 11:58AM

"While Carney and I are technically in a relationship"

That's where I stopped reading.

9

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 12:00PM

@8-- i wish you were funnier.

10

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 12:01PM

"And thank you for opening the door for Carney and I to put something out there..."

Please, Bess, you have the power to change the world. It's "for Carney and me". The "you" is the subject, making "Carney and me" the objects. Grammatically speaking.

11

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 12:03PM

@12:01-- you have the power to kill yourself. please exercise it.

12

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 12:44PM

@ 10 you are correct, of course.

It would have been better to write: "for me and Carney"

@11 - Do you show the same vitriol for someone who points out an erroneous Excel calculation?

13

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 12:48PM

@12-- yeah, if they act like a douchebag about it i do, indeed.

14

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 1:01PM

@12, no, "for me and Carney" is always wrong under all circumstances (unless you mean to say "for me and Carney" is a more palatable mistake than "for Carney and I"). The problem is that people overcompensate by thinking you can never say "me" at all.

15

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 1:22PM

@10-- if this issue was truly so important to you, why didn't you email it to the editors? oh, right, because it wasn't about grammer, it was about acting like a know it all jerk and cementing your status as a true douchebag.

16

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 1:28PM

Anal-yst,
your commentary is witty and insightful. not sure what youre doing for the rest of the summer but i'd love to road trip accross country with you. I think hours of listening to you would make me a more complete person. let me know if you are interested.

ps I drive a vespa.

17

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 2:02PM

Just one? Come on Carl, Bruce Wasserstein has 100 journalists working for his blog... er news organization.

18

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 2:50PM

Do either of you have a PhD in anything?

- Jim Simons

19

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 3:05PM

Ping is probably available to hang out, since, as far as I know, he's out of work. Either available or really busy unwinding his remaining $15,000,000,000 ARS bond position.

20

Posted by guest, Aug 06, 2008 3:06PM

@3:05-- um, ping started his own fund:

http://dealbreaker.com/2008/06/layoffs_watch_08.php

21

Posted by Anal_yst, Aug 06, 2008 3:49PM

@ 1:28

Unless your name happens to be Joe Francis and your "vespa" is actually a "prevost", unfortunately, I wont be able to join you. Godspeed though sir.

Post Your Comment