• 19 Aug 2008 at 12:31 PM

Who Wants To Be A CFO?

-78.jpgSome of you assume that we get off on reporting the many, many, many layoffs you and yours are going through, as well as the fallouts that result from your lack of income. This could not be further from the truth. We are right there with you (though no severance packages for us), and to be honest, this shit is getting depressing. Nothing would make us happier than if you all kept your jobs and we came to an understanding that all proprietary information would be forwarded our way. That doesn’t really look like it’s going to happen, though, which is why we’ll be taking another approach. From here on out, whenever it’s appropriate or the mood strikes us, we’ll be laying out some sweet employment opportunities before you. Dream jobs, if you will. This serves multiple functions: it gets you out of bed, it alleviates our depression over having to write day in and out about you not having any reason to get up in the morning, and it hopefully, depending on your business acumen, will provide for amusing anecdotes regarding fuck-ups at your new gig.
Today’s comes from the Street though it does not require you to work the street. On the corner of Exchange Place and William, a flyer reads: “Commercial Investment Company seeks C.F.O,” and claims that not only will you be making six figures, but no experience is necessary, and the only requirement is a minimum credit score of 720 or higher. INTERESTING. As we are always working for you, we decided to get some intel and placed a call to the number listed (646-267-2423). Here’s what we found out: this is a so newly formed “real estate investment company” that it does not yet have a name. As C.F.O., you would be responsible for applying for lines of credit that can be used for “down payments and closing costs on buildings.” This will likely take 60-90 days, at which time, you can resign with no obligation to the firm and $100,000 in your pocket.
Okay, yes, it’s sounds slightly shady but honestly, we think you should do it. Maybe, even though all signs point to a scam, it’s not a scam? And it’s not something that would be all that taxing, or take up a lot of your time, and you could probably work two jobs simultaneously. It doesn’t really ask anything of you (just your good credit). Basically it seems like being a sperm donor, which our most recent reader poll tells us 78% of you are. Anyway, that’s our spiel. It’s not like we stand to gain anything from this (YOUR HAPPINESS IS REASON ENOUGH). As of noon, only one tab had been ripped off but we assume the competition is stiff. ACT NOW.

27 comments (hidden to protect delicate sensibilities)
Show all comments ↓

Comments (27)

  1. Posted by guest | August 19, 2008 at 1:14 PM

    Hmm…this does sound lucrative I wont lie.
    Shit with a 100k you could move up in the world…you could even live next door to this guy:
    http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/data?pid=avimage&iid=iZBQPTTqMFQQ

  2. Posted by guest | August 19, 2008 at 1:14 PM

    erin callan

  3. Posted by guest | August 19, 2008 at 1:40 PM

    Commercial Investment Company needs to merge with LEH in order to survive

  4. Posted by guest | August 19, 2008 at 1:46 PM

    Where is valuestocktips guy??

  5. Posted by guest | August 19, 2008 at 2:09 PM

    That’s funny

  6. Posted by Bristol Airport Hotels | April 20, 2012 at 12:09 AM

    WSBzXK Really enjoyed this article.Much thanks again. Much obliged.

  7. Posted by Jay-Z | April 24, 2012 at 4:08 PM

    Great, thanks for sharing this blog.Really thank you! Want more.

  8. Posted by weight loss foods | April 25, 2012 at 8:18 AM

    I think this is a real great blog.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

  9. Posted by baby gifts | April 26, 2012 at 7:26 PM

    Great, thanks for sharing this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  10. Posted by Las Vegas Auto Title Loans | April 26, 2012 at 10:44 PM

    Major thanks for the article post.Really thank you! Keep writing.

  11. Posted by chauvet lighting | April 27, 2012 at 1:28 PM

    Wow, great blog article.Much thanks again. Awesome.

  12. Posted by kitchen design | April 27, 2012 at 5:10 PM

    I am so grateful for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged.

  13. Posted by k2 reviews | April 28, 2012 at 1:04 PM

    Im obliged for the blog.Thanks Again. Cool.

  14. Posted by Los Angeles handwriting expert | April 28, 2012 at 8:08 PM

    I cannot thank you enough for the post. Will read on…

  15. Posted by pandekager | April 28, 2012 at 11:24 PM

    Great, thanks for sharing this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.

  16. Posted by mens urban clothing | April 29, 2012 at 7:34 AM

    I cannot thank you enough for the blog.Much thanks again.

  17. Posted by books about history | April 29, 2012 at 8:53 PM

    I cannot thank you enough for the blog.Really thank you! Cool.

  18. Posted by jobs in porn | April 30, 2012 at 12:36 PM

    Appreciate you sharing, great blog article.Much thanks again. Cool.

  19. Posted by Hoodia | April 30, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Great, thanks for sharing this blog article.Really thank you! Want more.

  20. Posted by party | April 30, 2012 at 5:09 PM

    Muchos Gracias for your blog article. Great.

  21. Posted by whats the quickest way to lose weight | April 30, 2012 at 6:35 PM

    Wow, great blog.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…

  22. Posted by inserate gratis | May 1, 2012 at 3:54 PM

    I really enjoy the blog.Really looking forward to read more. Awesome.

  23. Posted by porno anal | May 1, 2012 at 5:24 PM

    I value the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing.

  24. Posted by of pay per click search | May 1, 2012 at 8:22 PM

    I truly appreciate this blog.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…

  25. Posted by my best penny stocks 2012 | May 2, 2012 at 1:47 PM

    Major thankies for the blog article.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  26. Posted by http://biomdonline.com | May 2, 2012 at 9:19 PM

    This is one awesome article post.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  27. Posted by Man Made Diamonds | May 8, 2012 at 10:24 PM

    I appreciate you sharing this article post.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.